BAKASAYON: the beginning of the end...
just got back from cebu yesterday for my bro's bday celeb. it was ok but i had migrane attack so i didn't enjoy it very much. my bro and his friends have grown. they've grown almost as tall as i am and their voices have gone deeper also. it's funny to see these children grow up and before you know it, matanda ka na talaga. we're at this age... nyahhh. don't want!!! (in a bratty-voice).
anyway, to recount my vacation: (lola's bday in leyte, yada, yada...)
fetched namee and dan at the airport. we went to Tropical Island to borrow diving gear. super cheap compared to other diving shops. had a little problem with the certificates coz bucky, namee and i are not certified divers yet. had to make an excuse para makahiram kami ng gear. buti na lang hindi peak season this november, at pinayagan kaming humiram. turns out that we were the only customers for the week. we even got a one-day discount because of bucky's kakulitan. close na kami sa clerk don. after dinner, we went to the casino. bucky and i didn't have any luck at the slot machine (at all!) so we drowned our expensive sorrow with a hearty sandwich and good talk at the hotel lobby. we didn't see pia there at the waterfront coz she was in leyte. got home at around 12mn. we still didn't want to sleep so nag-inuman muna kami sa house. we had red wine, then san mig light, then pilsen. naubusan e! we talked about the dorm, the people, what happened. the topic was especially hot on the CG, better known as the Cagayan Girls. Dan told us that he heard Batin having a boyfriend whom she lost her mind with: umalis sa parents at naki-pag-live-in po with the BF against the will of the parents. eventually they broke up, then she hooked up with another guy whom she dumped for the ex-boyfriend because the sex was way better. hmmm.... she's definitely gone places. as for the others, nothing much to hear really. we talked about moomoo's and ghost. bucky, dan, and namee are self-confessed chickens. ako, well, honestly, am not. namee suggested that we sleep with the boys because she was scared. she couldn't bear seeing me sound asleep tapos sya takot sa dilim. ok lang with me kasi aircon ung room nila, sa amin sa guest room hindi. slept at the floor though.
next day, had to wake up at friggin six am to fetch chito at the pier. tried to catch some sleep then we went to have lunch at the same SUTUKIL restaurant. it means SUgba, TUla, KILaw pala. kaya SUTUKIL. lima lang kami pero ang dami naming kinain!!! i was so full we had to do some walking around the Lapu-lapu shrine. funny, turista talaga ang mga dating namin. picture-taking galore! went to shangrila-mactan again to show namee and dan the place. it was so hot so we decided to cut the trip short and then visit plantation bay na. the place was nice but i liked shang better. their pools were weird: man-made lagoons na mukhang pool na hindi. it was too... weird for my taste. at least sa shang it's either a real pool or the real beach. nothing in between. anywez... visited dive shop again to rent some additional equipment. buti na lang chito is certified na, so lalong naging confident un clerk (si laura) sa amin. went to ayala to have some mirienda at the harbor city. it's this chinese resto na super cheap and super good food. even if busog na nga ako, kumain pa rin. it was then that i felt a little dizzy. i was scared of having a stroke because of all the aligi i ate for lunch. pero wala naman. baka impatcho lang, ang takaw kasi. bought some stuff at the grocery store and then went home for dinner (kain na naman!)prepared for next day's departure. could hardly sleep because of the excitement.
woke up at around 530am to pack stuff. so excited. had breakfast pa so got to the pier at around 645 na. left at around 720. the boat ride to Balicasag was about 3 hours. we took the rubber to the island coz the boat was too big to cross the shore. the place was great. the atmosphere was like in SSI: beach was not crowded, lots of trees. there's only one resort there. we got us 2 rooms. According to the lonely planet guidebook, it costs about P2K+ per night. whew... we ate a little before the 1st dive. had to go back up the air to change my mask because the one i borrowed was leaking and i didnt want to clear my mask underwater. I got my buddy's which was was great for leaks but not for equalizing. nagawan ko naman ng paraan. the current was so strong that we didn't see much of our drop-off point. nagpa-drift na lang kami with the current. it was great. ang ganda sa ilalim. after the momentary eeriness of just hearing yourself breathing underwater, everything went ok. there was a very big school of talakitok, ang daming lapu-lapu and mol-mol, and of course the ever present clown fish. there were also different kinds of corals. the water wasn't very clear kasi maraming plankton na lumilipad-lipad. after the dive, it felt weird being on land again. i felt a little dizzy and sick in the stomach. felt better though after we had a hearty lunch of grilled pork, fish. after an hour of rest and gearing up, we had our 2nd dive. i felt more calm and confident in the 2nd dive. finally saw a lion-fish and more mol-mol and talakitok and lapu-lapu. there were more aquarium fish on the 2nd than in the 1st. mas marami but smaller. dinner was great! sobrang gutom after every dive! After the sumptuous dinner, washed up and got ready for bed. sobrang tired. my friends, however, had another idea. against my very sleepy and tired brain, i played pekwa with them. was barely thinking while playing. could barely sleep. ang init!!!!
sometimes, you have to take life's shit with a smile on your face AND AT SOME POINT, THROW IT BACK. as you can see, ma-angst akong tao. madaming issues. feeling madaming problema. e ano ngayon? im pushing 30 so i'm losing my right to say that all these issues are wrought from quarter-life crisis...
Saturday, November 09, 2002
Friday, November 01, 2002
BAKASYONISTA: TYPING IN CEBU (with prospective in-laws, nyaiks)
arrived here at oct30 about 3pm.
bucky had Mabuhay tickets so i had to wait for him finish eating. funny coz he wrapped some pika-pika in paper napkins and gave them to me. i felt so pobre.
the 1st night was fun. looked at old albums of bucky and his family. at around 10pm i was bored stiff talking to bucky and his mom about their lives. (bad...) it was however punctuated with anticipation because his dad told us that we were going to Mactan Shangri-la overnight for free. Many of the freebies his dad gets for seemingly protecting the place. Bucky's dad placed a team of navy men at the hotel mismo. the place was nice. the pool was great. medyo pangit ang beach. just dead stones and a lot of green stuff. we went into the water late afternoon na coz it was so sunny. Had dinner at the SUTUKIL (just outside the Mactan shrine with more-than-life-size statue of the half-naked Lapu-Lapu(the man)) restaurants where you choose any kind seafood, from king crabs, prawns, tingol, molmol, lapu-lapu, shells, etc. and let them cook the way you want it. GRABE, busog. ang daming food. the food was medyo expensive but the catch was fresh and everything was cooked great. Sarap, yum-yum. went back to the hotel and walked around the pool for a while. that's where i saw carlos agassi. he was wearing only board shorts. ang laki ng katawan nya. kaya lang tisoy so hindi ko type. he asked me about the water polo thing. talked for about 15 seconds and then i decided to change into my swimsuit to burn the dinner and of course, to see more of the artista. syet, baduy talaga. niloloko nga ako ni bucky pero game naman sya. even though closing time na ang pool, naligo pa rin kami. funny. after taking a shower, we ordered dessert and watched tv. walay silbi and pag-swimming. bawi dayon sa halo2. eventually slept at around 12mn. next day, took a dip both at the pool and the beach. twas so hot. have tanlines coz forgot to put on some sunblock. super fun. great place and food. should be back there sometime when lotsa money na. P5700+ for locals
gave mommy-in-law-to-be a massage. whew. got tired...
sent letter of termination to DOST already. they should be able to reply by Tuesday. I hope so. If not, I'll call them from here.
arrived here at oct30 about 3pm.
bucky had Mabuhay tickets so i had to wait for him finish eating. funny coz he wrapped some pika-pika in paper napkins and gave them to me. i felt so pobre.
the 1st night was fun. looked at old albums of bucky and his family. at around 10pm i was bored stiff talking to bucky and his mom about their lives. (bad...) it was however punctuated with anticipation because his dad told us that we were going to Mactan Shangri-la overnight for free. Many of the freebies his dad gets for seemingly protecting the place. Bucky's dad placed a team of navy men at the hotel mismo. the place was nice. the pool was great. medyo pangit ang beach. just dead stones and a lot of green stuff. we went into the water late afternoon na coz it was so sunny. Had dinner at the SUTUKIL (just outside the Mactan shrine with more-than-life-size statue of the half-naked Lapu-Lapu(the man)) restaurants where you choose any kind seafood, from king crabs, prawns, tingol, molmol, lapu-lapu, shells, etc. and let them cook the way you want it. GRABE, busog. ang daming food. the food was medyo expensive but the catch was fresh and everything was cooked great. Sarap, yum-yum. went back to the hotel and walked around the pool for a while. that's where i saw carlos agassi. he was wearing only board shorts. ang laki ng katawan nya. kaya lang tisoy so hindi ko type. he asked me about the water polo thing. talked for about 15 seconds and then i decided to change into my swimsuit to burn the dinner and of course, to see more of the artista. syet, baduy talaga. niloloko nga ako ni bucky pero game naman sya. even though closing time na ang pool, naligo pa rin kami. funny. after taking a shower, we ordered dessert and watched tv. walay silbi and pag-swimming. bawi dayon sa halo2. eventually slept at around 12mn. next day, took a dip both at the pool and the beach. twas so hot. have tanlines coz forgot to put on some sunblock. super fun. great place and food. should be back there sometime when lotsa money na. P5700+ for locals
gave mommy-in-law-to-be a massage. whew. got tired...
sent letter of termination to DOST already. they should be able to reply by Tuesday. I hope so. If not, I'll call them from here.
Monday, October 28, 2002
Saturday, October 26, 2002
RANDOM THOUGHTS on a LONELY SATURDAY NIGHT.
want to learn taichi. i need a new kind of exercise and a way to relax my brain. i'm getting kinda bored with jogging.
nothing good on TV.
jaja, nina, and kuya mike went to sang-kalayuang Taft to eat at Becky's (?). wanted to go with them but budget (or the lack of it) forced me stay within the perimeter of my house (that includes PP) and eat at Hot. wasn't quite satisfied with the sisig. went home sleepy. must be the effect of sebo creeping into my brain and my whole system.
pau slept here last night. she came from Manila Penn and wanted to go straight to the airport. she went home to bacolod today. we ate at north park. i had a craving for Tai Pao but i didn't order. weirda. so, i still have an uncured craving for tai pao. shit.
i only have P90 in my wallet. i was very tempted to use my credit card. BUT NO. baka sobrang akong mabaon sa utang. that's bad.
bucky and i were talking about what kind of business we want to get into. rather, we should get into. hmmm... ang hirap isipin. hindi pa puedeng diligan ko na lang ung pera tapos, tutubo na lang sya. i'll talk to it pa every morning. but no, hindi sya tulad ng halaman, my dear... you have to invest it somewhere. maybe in dollars or in Tbills. ang hirap sa stocks din kasi the market is so unpredictable. puedeng food business pero you gotta have a strong niche there and it has to have a fast ROI. kung sa estate naman, puede din... still don't know. the business world is definitely gonna change in the next 5-10 years. i wonder what people will need? so that we could make some good bucks out of it.
ang tagal pa ng 10:30. i wanna watch go to believe. boston public is still on air. arg. don't like that show. too much teenage angst, makes me feel sorry for them.
ok, tired of typing out loud...
want to learn taichi. i need a new kind of exercise and a way to relax my brain. i'm getting kinda bored with jogging.
nothing good on TV.
jaja, nina, and kuya mike went to sang-kalayuang Taft to eat at Becky's (?). wanted to go with them but budget (or the lack of it) forced me stay within the perimeter of my house (that includes PP) and eat at Hot. wasn't quite satisfied with the sisig. went home sleepy. must be the effect of sebo creeping into my brain and my whole system.
pau slept here last night. she came from Manila Penn and wanted to go straight to the airport. she went home to bacolod today. we ate at north park. i had a craving for Tai Pao but i didn't order. weirda. so, i still have an uncured craving for tai pao. shit.
i only have P90 in my wallet. i was very tempted to use my credit card. BUT NO. baka sobrang akong mabaon sa utang. that's bad.
bucky and i were talking about what kind of business we want to get into. rather, we should get into. hmmm... ang hirap isipin. hindi pa puedeng diligan ko na lang ung pera tapos, tutubo na lang sya. i'll talk to it pa every morning. but no, hindi sya tulad ng halaman, my dear... you have to invest it somewhere. maybe in dollars or in Tbills. ang hirap sa stocks din kasi the market is so unpredictable. puedeng food business pero you gotta have a strong niche there and it has to have a fast ROI. kung sa estate naman, puede din... still don't know. the business world is definitely gonna change in the next 5-10 years. i wonder what people will need? so that we could make some good bucks out of it.
ang tagal pa ng 10:30. i wanna watch go to believe. boston public is still on air. arg. don't like that show. too much teenage angst, makes me feel sorry for them.
ok, tired of typing out loud...
Friday, October 25, 2002
Thursday, October 24, 2002
MAC: PROSPECTIVE ROOMMIE
Tanichi or tan wants a place near Etelecare where she works. She gets ubber tired commuting. besides delikado ang mga busses ngayon. tapos her friggin shift is like 11pm-7am. she wanted to leave her place ASAP coz the her roommate/s want to get the whole place on his/her/their own (according to Gen2 na sabi ni Jaja). Plus, she's having problems with the 2 months deposit and advance thingie. I told her that we won't let her pay advance if ever kasi di naman tayo nagpapa-sublease, diba? She liked it, i think. Kaya lang I told her na to look for a place na malapit na sa etelecare. kasi kung sa atin, same story lang. she hasn't called/texted yet. let's hope that daddyo discloses her exact plan na so that we can consequently plan our lives also. hopefully, eyos will still not find a place to stay by the time daddyo leaves.
uy, kelan tayo kakain dun sa indie place???????
Tanichi or tan wants a place near Etelecare where she works. She gets ubber tired commuting. besides delikado ang mga busses ngayon. tapos her friggin shift is like 11pm-7am. she wanted to leave her place ASAP coz the her roommate/s want to get the whole place on his/her/their own (according to Gen2 na sabi ni Jaja). Plus, she's having problems with the 2 months deposit and advance thingie. I told her that we won't let her pay advance if ever kasi di naman tayo nagpapa-sublease, diba? She liked it, i think. Kaya lang I told her na to look for a place na malapit na sa etelecare. kasi kung sa atin, same story lang. she hasn't called/texted yet. let's hope that daddyo discloses her exact plan na so that we can consequently plan our lives also. hopefully, eyos will still not find a place to stay by the time daddyo leaves.
uy, kelan tayo kakain dun sa indie place???????
FREAKIN BOSSES (!&@%#@&^#&@&&!!!!!)
was preparing the report for tomorrow. they slashed most of it. well, bahala sila sa buhay nila. i'll just be there to push the mouse button and document the proceedings. Bahala silang mag-explain ng kung anu-ano. Nakakainis. Sila naman ang magre-report e. di naman ako. hmp. i'm quitting this rat hole na talaga. period. well, not until i find a new job. gosh, i just hope that we'll get a 14th month pay. para maka-out-of-the country ako. (inis-inis...)
anyway, am so excited to go to CEBU!!!!! we're going to Malapascua. it's a beach like the White Beach in Boracay daw. SO FRIGGING EXCITED!!!! 5 days na lang. I told my parents about it naman via email. they haven't responded. hope na hindi naman sila magtampo that i'll be staying longer in Cebu than in Davao! Kasi naman the original plan was I'm only going home to Davao on onchie's birthday. And then this balungan confirmed the beach outing in Cebu. Tuloy, hindi na umabot ang free ticket ko. I had to use my card to buy a ticket. well, bucky is not paying for my ticket pala.... but told mom and dad na he did para hindi magtampo na pera ko pa ang ginamit ko. (tapos hindi daw ako uuwi sa all souls'/saints' day kasi magastos... bad daughter)
mac's blog has a new look.
gotta work.
was preparing the report for tomorrow. they slashed most of it. well, bahala sila sa buhay nila. i'll just be there to push the mouse button and document the proceedings. Bahala silang mag-explain ng kung anu-ano. Nakakainis. Sila naman ang magre-report e. di naman ako. hmp. i'm quitting this rat hole na talaga. period. well, not until i find a new job. gosh, i just hope that we'll get a 14th month pay. para maka-out-of-the country ako. (inis-inis...)
anyway, am so excited to go to CEBU!!!!! we're going to Malapascua. it's a beach like the White Beach in Boracay daw. SO FRIGGING EXCITED!!!! 5 days na lang. I told my parents about it naman via email. they haven't responded. hope na hindi naman sila magtampo that i'll be staying longer in Cebu than in Davao! Kasi naman the original plan was I'm only going home to Davao on onchie's birthday. And then this balungan confirmed the beach outing in Cebu. Tuloy, hindi na umabot ang free ticket ko. I had to use my card to buy a ticket. well, bucky is not paying for my ticket pala.... but told mom and dad na he did para hindi magtampo na pera ko pa ang ginamit ko. (tapos hindi daw ako uuwi sa all souls'/saints' day kasi magastos... bad daughter)
mac's blog has a new look.
gotta work.
Tuesday, October 22, 2002
TIRED BRAIN
fucking clients. why are they so demanding. grabe. napa-praning na naman ako. we're supposed to do a presentation on the summary of what happened for NESTLE. my brain is bleeding inside. ayoko na. resolve not to work from this minute till tomorrow.
Need to look for money so that I can fucking DOST for my tuition and fees last sem. garsh. at least hindi ako matatali sa kanila for the next year. I have yet to tell DOST that I'm quitting for a while.
Need to look for a part-time job. Need moolah!!!
fucking clients. why are they so demanding. grabe. napa-praning na naman ako. we're supposed to do a presentation on the summary of what happened for NESTLE. my brain is bleeding inside. ayoko na. resolve not to work from this minute till tomorrow.
Need to look for money so that I can fucking DOST for my tuition and fees last sem. garsh. at least hindi ako matatali sa kanila for the next year. I have yet to tell DOST that I'm quitting for a while.
Need to look for a part-time job. Need moolah!!!
Sunday, October 20, 2002
BOSS NOT AROUND
i don't have anyone to look over my work so i'm doing useless stuff. in fairness, i did the Nestle stuff first before doing this. besides, i can't work without Rachel and Lino's inputs.
watched that GLOBE adventure in GMA last night. what a stupid show.
ang sakit ng katawan ko from cleaning the whole house. ow...
going to cebu and davao this break! yipee! i already applied for a leave. originally dapat for davao lang ang leave ko. but bucky invited to go diving in Bohol and Cebu. so on the last minute, i decided to go with him! this might be the last chance that I can go diving na free. Bucky's dad is retiring on January. Im so excited. i need the break! going home on nov 7 before onchie's bday. i wonder if i can still buy the PS2 cd he wants. garsh, might have to battle greenhills mob. for the 1st time since onchie turned 6 yrs old, i'll be able to attend his bday party (if he's having any). nagtampo naman ang bata. i can't bear the thought na he'll carry that grudge against me till he goes past adolescence. baka magkaroon ng issues (like his ate... )
mom and dad very supportive of my decision to go LOA. i will have to ask JPV about the nuances of such a process. i'm presenting my (jordan's) program this afternoon. yikes!
gotta make JOB-HUNTING Program for myself.
i don't have anyone to look over my work so i'm doing useless stuff. in fairness, i did the Nestle stuff first before doing this. besides, i can't work without Rachel and Lino's inputs.
watched that GLOBE adventure in GMA last night. what a stupid show.
ang sakit ng katawan ko from cleaning the whole house. ow...
going to cebu and davao this break! yipee! i already applied for a leave. originally dapat for davao lang ang leave ko. but bucky invited to go diving in Bohol and Cebu. so on the last minute, i decided to go with him! this might be the last chance that I can go diving na free. Bucky's dad is retiring on January. Im so excited. i need the break! going home on nov 7 before onchie's bday. i wonder if i can still buy the PS2 cd he wants. garsh, might have to battle greenhills mob. for the 1st time since onchie turned 6 yrs old, i'll be able to attend his bday party (if he's having any). nagtampo naman ang bata. i can't bear the thought na he'll carry that grudge against me till he goes past adolescence. baka magkaroon ng issues (like his ate... )
mom and dad very supportive of my decision to go LOA. i will have to ask JPV about the nuances of such a process. i'm presenting my (jordan's) program this afternoon. yikes!
gotta make JOB-HUNTING Program for myself.
Saturday, October 19, 2002
RESTFUL WEEKEND
After i have finally decided to quit school for now made me feel so... FREE. parang ang gaan sa dibdib, na wala akong ibang iniisip. I'm actually looking forward to job hunting. I have to make a strategy for that pa...
consequently, i'm enjoying a very restful weekend. no worries. i even cleaned the whole house yesterday. they were all gone. sumakit ang katawan ko. pero ok lang. at least maaliwalas ang feeling. i heard mass with bucky and ate at outback. i felt the need to celebrate and congratulate myself for knowing when to back down.
i came home and slept well. after a long, long time...
After i have finally decided to quit school for now made me feel so... FREE. parang ang gaan sa dibdib, na wala akong ibang iniisip. I'm actually looking forward to job hunting. I have to make a strategy for that pa...
consequently, i'm enjoying a very restful weekend. no worries. i even cleaned the whole house yesterday. they were all gone. sumakit ang katawan ko. pero ok lang. at least maaliwalas ang feeling. i heard mass with bucky and ate at outback. i felt the need to celebrate and congratulate myself for knowing when to back down.
i came home and slept well. after a long, long time...
Thursday, October 17, 2002
DEAR MOM & DAD...
i wrote to my parents about taking a leave-of absence and terminating my DOST scholarship. I hope they reply ASAP so i know what they think. given that, i have resolved to look for a job and help my parents with the house.
I feel as though nabunutan ako ng tinik. I just admit this now: I have been scared shit when I took the DOST scholarship. Somehow, I knew that it wasn't right but I still went on with it, hoping that my doubts would disappear. Now that I'm looking at the situation with a clearer mind and less fearful heart, I think I will not have any regrets. I was enlightened by what Pau emailed me:
"Life is full of winning and losing and also full of challenges. It doesn't matter if you lose.. if you live for yourself, then that is truly LIFE.
Some people refuse to accept the truth and to start again, thus they end up losing more and more in life. In the end, nothing can be done to bring back what they lost. If you are losing in your life now, don't continue letting yourself lose more than what you did. Put a stop to that situation and do not be afraid to start from scratch.
Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want; it is the realization of how much you already have.
Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards."
People say that I just wasted 2.5 years of my life working in a small and struggling company and studying for a degree that I won't finish naman. Well, maybe I did. That's why I will not prolong it anymore. I think quitting school and seriously looking for a job will put an end to that "wasting of my life". I think I can pursue my Masters when I can afford it na. As of now, there are just too many restraining forces. My only regret is that I was too scared to get out of my comfort zone, face the insecurity of being unemployed or being rejected by companies. I have to face these fears so that I will know how to overcome them.
Hay, writing this makes me feel older. But al least, wala nang tinik at bigat sa loob. I can plan my life ahead and move on.
Hmmm.... this week has been a "moving on" phase for me. Hurrah!
i wrote to my parents about taking a leave-of absence and terminating my DOST scholarship. I hope they reply ASAP so i know what they think. given that, i have resolved to look for a job and help my parents with the house.
I feel as though nabunutan ako ng tinik. I just admit this now: I have been scared shit when I took the DOST scholarship. Somehow, I knew that it wasn't right but I still went on with it, hoping that my doubts would disappear. Now that I'm looking at the situation with a clearer mind and less fearful heart, I think I will not have any regrets. I was enlightened by what Pau emailed me:
"Life is full of winning and losing and also full of challenges. It doesn't matter if you lose.. if you live for yourself, then that is truly LIFE.
Some people refuse to accept the truth and to start again, thus they end up losing more and more in life. In the end, nothing can be done to bring back what they lost. If you are losing in your life now, don't continue letting yourself lose more than what you did. Put a stop to that situation and do not be afraid to start from scratch.
Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want; it is the realization of how much you already have.
Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards."
People say that I just wasted 2.5 years of my life working in a small and struggling company and studying for a degree that I won't finish naman. Well, maybe I did. That's why I will not prolong it anymore. I think quitting school and seriously looking for a job will put an end to that "wasting of my life". I think I can pursue my Masters when I can afford it na. As of now, there are just too many restraining forces. My only regret is that I was too scared to get out of my comfort zone, face the insecurity of being unemployed or being rejected by companies. I have to face these fears so that I will know how to overcome them.
Hay, writing this makes me feel older. But al least, wala nang tinik at bigat sa loob. I can plan my life ahead and move on.
Hmmm.... this week has been a "moving on" phase for me. Hurrah!
Wednesday, October 16, 2002
LIFE's A BITCH.
I. gotta problem with my DOST scholarship. i opted for Independent Project instead of the real thesis for MS. pukinangina. i'm anticipating that DOST will not allow me to proceed. bitch. If I change my project in mid-year, i might have to extend till May talaga. arg. i would have to search for a thesis topic and do the same hoopla again. arg. arg. well, at least my parents agreed to be my benefactors for next sem if ever i decide to study full time. just hoping that i'll finish the courses next sem and then proceed with thesis subject until 1st sem next year. arg. arg.
what i need to do:
1) review IP proposal
2) send to DOST for approval
3) if disapprove, meet them, talk to Ms. Reena, adviser
4) if approve, review timeline of IP, start activities
II. daddyo is moving out soon. no exact date yet. but he's moving out. meaning, bigger rent (until we find new roommate), no ref (!), no more daddyo-stuff (pliers, electrical tape, etc). i wonder if randy is indeed planning to move in with us when he starts studying. also, i wonder when he'll start going to school, yada, yada.
III. Star-shows won't be aired na.
hay ang hirap maging matanda...
at least hindi ako homeless, or jobless, or boyless... (mga pang-kunsuelo de bobo)
enuf.
I. gotta problem with my DOST scholarship. i opted for Independent Project instead of the real thesis for MS. pukinangina. i'm anticipating that DOST will not allow me to proceed. bitch. If I change my project in mid-year, i might have to extend till May talaga. arg. i would have to search for a thesis topic and do the same hoopla again. arg. arg. well, at least my parents agreed to be my benefactors for next sem if ever i decide to study full time. just hoping that i'll finish the courses next sem and then proceed with thesis subject until 1st sem next year. arg. arg.
what i need to do:
1) review IP proposal
2) send to DOST for approval
3) if disapprove, meet them, talk to Ms. Reena, adviser
4) if approve, review timeline of IP, start activities
II. daddyo is moving out soon. no exact date yet. but he's moving out. meaning, bigger rent (until we find new roommate), no ref (!), no more daddyo-stuff (pliers, electrical tape, etc). i wonder if randy is indeed planning to move in with us when he starts studying. also, i wonder when he'll start going to school, yada, yada.
III. Star-shows won't be aired na.
hay ang hirap maging matanda...
at least hindi ako homeless, or jobless, or boyless... (mga pang-kunsuelo de bobo)
enuf.
Monday, October 14, 2002
SABI NG FRIEND KO...
sabi nya sa kin minsan...
alam mo..alam mo, araw araw iisipin mo, may pagkakataon kang gawin ang kahit
anuman na gusto mo. para sumaya ka. kahit pagod ka o kahit andaming problema
sa paligid mo, isipin mo na kaya mo at magiging masaya ka. gawin mo lang gusto
mo sa araw na iyon. hindi mo na maibabalik ang nangyari. lahat ng magagawa
mo, gawin mo. lahat ng gusto mong tuparin. dapat masaya ka ngayon. hindi
kanina, hindi mamaya. ngayon.
iba na namang araw bukas.
sabi nya sa kin minsan...
alam mo..alam mo, araw araw iisipin mo, may pagkakataon kang gawin ang kahit
anuman na gusto mo. para sumaya ka. kahit pagod ka o kahit andaming problema
sa paligid mo, isipin mo na kaya mo at magiging masaya ka. gawin mo lang gusto
mo sa araw na iyon. hindi mo na maibabalik ang nangyari. lahat ng magagawa
mo, gawin mo. lahat ng gusto mong tuparin. dapat masaya ka ngayon. hindi
kanina, hindi mamaya. ngayon.
iba na namang araw bukas.
CLOSURE. (...medyo private. context of the entry below to be disclosed in the near future)
Micharl is here in Manila. He called so that we could meet up in PP. Honestly, I felt kilig, then kaba. I mean, after all these years of not having to really forget what he did (or did not do, for that matter) and the pain I consequently felt, I had every right to feel that way. Unwittingly or not, all these years, the two poles of TAPOS NA and FUCK THAT ASSHOLE have been pulling me in both directions.
I was a nervous wreck on my way to PP. I asked myself "what the hell am I doing?!?!?" But whadapack, papunta na ako (in fairness, normal office clothes, not vengeful-beauty-clothes). We met at Mongkok. good thing his cousins were in the restaurant. They were nice and came from Davao too. We talked about the old times, of how he punched me because he lost to my team in the play of "shatong" and how i threw a stone at him because he punched me, how he can't hide his true age from me, how I can't believe that he doesn't have a girl (maybe not "a girl" but "girlsss").
Somewhere between feeling awkward and feeling relieved to see that he did not stay the same as the dream-of-a-hunk I so desired, I realized how futile and tiring it was to keep on being mad at him, or anyone for that matter. After a while, I even felt happy that he's here and I was talking to him like a real friend.
They wanted to watch a movie but I had to go home to study for my finals. His cousin took a picture of us. He put his arms on my shoulder... and i let him. Just like old times. I said goodbye. I went and did not look back.
Micharl is here in Manila. He called so that we could meet up in PP. Honestly, I felt kilig, then kaba. I mean, after all these years of not having to really forget what he did (or did not do, for that matter) and the pain I consequently felt, I had every right to feel that way. Unwittingly or not, all these years, the two poles of TAPOS NA and FUCK THAT ASSHOLE have been pulling me in both directions.
I was a nervous wreck on my way to PP. I asked myself "what the hell am I doing?!?!?" But whadapack, papunta na ako (in fairness, normal office clothes, not vengeful-beauty-clothes). We met at Mongkok. good thing his cousins were in the restaurant. They were nice and came from Davao too. We talked about the old times, of how he punched me because he lost to my team in the play of "shatong" and how i threw a stone at him because he punched me, how he can't hide his true age from me, how I can't believe that he doesn't have a girl (maybe not "a girl" but "girlsss").
Somewhere between feeling awkward and feeling relieved to see that he did not stay the same as the dream-of-a-hunk I so desired, I realized how futile and tiring it was to keep on being mad at him, or anyone for that matter. After a while, I even felt happy that he's here and I was talking to him like a real friend.
They wanted to watch a movie but I had to go home to study for my finals. His cousin took a picture of us. He put his arms on my shoulder... and i let him. Just like old times. I said goodbye. I went and did not look back.
AAANNNNGGGGGST.....
kainis. i wasn't able to post my blog last night because the computer stopped. Wala lang trip nya lang... ARG!
what happened to me today:
1) slept like 330am because i had to study the program that i did not make, which i have to make a defense/presentation on. good thing the program works beautifully.
2) meeting with my JPV. naasiwa ako coz i haven't submitted my program pa...
3) submitted jordan's program. I need to set up a meeting with him to present it
4) micharl is here. he invited me to go out tonight sa may san beda area. i wanted to go at first pero decided against it. too far, too late, too busy, too in love with another guy......! (charing!) funny, kinabahan pa rin ako at kinilig ng konti. pero wala na talaga. as in WALA.
gotta wrap up work.
kainis. i wasn't able to post my blog last night because the computer stopped. Wala lang trip nya lang... ARG!
what happened to me today:
1) slept like 330am because i had to study the program that i did not make, which i have to make a defense/presentation on. good thing the program works beautifully.
2) meeting with my JPV. naasiwa ako coz i haven't submitted my program pa...
3) submitted jordan's program. I need to set up a meeting with him to present it
4) micharl is here. he invited me to go out tonight sa may san beda area. i wanted to go at first pero decided against it. too far, too late, too busy, too in love with another guy......! (charing!) funny, kinabahan pa rin ako at kinilig ng konti. pero wala na talaga. as in WALA.
gotta wrap up work.
Friday, October 11, 2002
Thursday, October 10, 2002
Thursday, October 03, 2002
RANDOM, SCATTERED THOUGHTS...
hmmm... good girl today. did lotsa work and bitched some slow-moving people in the office.
gosh. need to DO my program!!!!!!
bucky went to admu at 12mn last night to line up for game 3 tickets. personally, i found it absurd. but he really wanted to go. so i stood by my man. (and he stood for me... ehehe...) i hope he got 2 tickets. if not, i'll be stuck home to watch it in TV. i might not go to moro to watch coz i need the time to make my project. i slept so early last night because i was tired from my trip going back here. i swore to wake up at around 4am to do my project. of course, my sleep got extended till 5 am. wala din naman akong nagawa masyado, coz i had no idea wat to do. i need to talk to lange about this project and maybe beg him to assist me. for the last time... nahihiya na ako...
strangely though... that i don't feel scared or anything. i feel like things will turn out right even if eveything seems so hard these days. i'm not even shedding weight because of stress. in fact, i'm getting fat!!!!! AGAIN! napapasabay kasi ang kain ko with bucky e ...
geezz.... mac grudgingly went to glorietta to breathe in some fresh, cool air. medyo hindi nya raw ma-take sa house. in times like these, what i do is just go to my room. hindi naman umaabot e... or sometimes i open the door and let the stench blow out. pero minsan, hindi kaya. I resolve to buy lysol and air freshener tonight...
hmmm... good girl today. did lotsa work and bitched some slow-moving people in the office.
gosh. need to DO my program!!!!!!
bucky went to admu at 12mn last night to line up for game 3 tickets. personally, i found it absurd. but he really wanted to go. so i stood by my man. (and he stood for me... ehehe...) i hope he got 2 tickets. if not, i'll be stuck home to watch it in TV. i might not go to moro to watch coz i need the time to make my project. i slept so early last night because i was tired from my trip going back here. i swore to wake up at around 4am to do my project. of course, my sleep got extended till 5 am. wala din naman akong nagawa masyado, coz i had no idea wat to do. i need to talk to lange about this project and maybe beg him to assist me. for the last time... nahihiya na ako...
strangely though... that i don't feel scared or anything. i feel like things will turn out right even if eveything seems so hard these days. i'm not even shedding weight because of stress. in fact, i'm getting fat!!!!! AGAIN! napapasabay kasi ang kain ko with bucky e ...
geezz.... mac grudgingly went to glorietta to breathe in some fresh, cool air. medyo hindi nya raw ma-take sa house. in times like these, what i do is just go to my room. hindi naman umaabot e... or sometimes i open the door and let the stench blow out. pero minsan, hindi kaya. I resolve to buy lysol and air freshener tonight...
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