DEAR MOM & DAD...

i wrote to my parents about taking a leave-of absence and terminating my DOST scholarship. I hope they reply ASAP so i know what they think. given that, i have resolved to look for a job and help my parents with the house.

I feel as though nabunutan ako ng tinik. I just admit this now: I have been scared shit when I took the DOST scholarship. Somehow, I knew that it wasn't right but I still went on with it, hoping that my doubts would disappear. Now that I'm looking at the situation with a clearer mind and less fearful heart, I think I will not have any regrets. I was enlightened by what Pau emailed me:

"Life is full of winning and losing and also full of challenges. It doesn't matter if you lose.. if you live for yourself, then that is truly LIFE.
Some people refuse to accept the truth and to start again, thus they end up losing more and more in life. In the end, nothing can be done to bring back what they lost. If you are losing in your life now, don't continue letting yourself lose more than what you did. Put a stop to that situation and do not be afraid to start from scratch.

Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want; it is the realization of how much you already have.

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards."

People say that I just wasted 2.5 years of my life working in a small and struggling company and studying for a degree that I won't finish naman. Well, maybe I did. That's why I will not prolong it anymore. I think quitting school and seriously looking for a job will put an end to that "wasting of my life". I think I can pursue my Masters when I can afford it na. As of now, there are just too many restraining forces. My only regret is that I was too scared to get out of my comfort zone, face the insecurity of being unemployed or being rejected by companies. I have to face these fears so that I will know how to overcome them.

Hay, writing this makes me feel older. But al least, wala nang tinik at bigat sa loob. I can plan my life ahead and move on.

Hmmm.... this week has been a "moving on" phase for me. Hurrah!