"You must act in your friend's interest whether it pleases him or not; the object of love is to serve, not to win" - Woodrow Wilson
The last quarter of 2005 was a roller coaster ride. And most of it revolved around a recurring theme which doesn't really concern me, but has deeply affected me. To this day, it still causes me sadness. But then again, it's not my life to lead, not my mistake to commit, not my stupidity to regret.
But I digress.
Looking back at the past year, I could definitely say that it was a much better year, in terms of work. I gained the weight that I lost at this time last year [after i just quit AIU]. Too much weight, in fact, that most of my clothes are Tight. notice the capital "T". Signs of a good year. I was able to manage my work-related stress better, albeit i had to manage a different kind of stress as compared to the time when i was in AIU. I still don't know which one I'd choose: AIU or Smart. I dunno. Can i just be a housewife instead? Harhar! Joke!
I've also been talking to Bucky about my plans of going to Singapore next year. I think it hit him hard knowing that I could really be leaving so soon. Whenever we discuss this, he either pretends he doesnt care ("Bahala ka...") or he tells me not to go. But lately, i think, he's more open to the idea. I think he knows that I need this. I'm also scared that we won't be able to stand the stress of long distance relationship, or that we'll find other partners, or that the love will just die out because of not being together. But then again, i don't want that as my reason for staying, that i'll stay just because of fear. I know that if I sacrifice not going to Singapore for the sake of preserving my relationship with Bucky, I will have regrets. And at some point in my life, when I've settled down with him, i will lash out at him because of those regrets. Ayoko naman ng ganun.
Going back to my main topic: "You must act in your friend's interest whether it pleases him or not; the object of love is to serve, not to win"... Someone dear to me, almost like the sister I never had, is walking into a kind of life that I know is going to be full of pain. Because of some things that were unexpected (but a blessing nonetheless), she's so intent on her decision. i've asked her to think about things because this one decision will affect her future life's happines, and 2 other people. I've already been part of the life she wants to take. I know what could happen. Hay, its unfair to always compare her future to the life that I had. But she wouldn't lose anything if she'll think about what I told her.
It's so hard to be scared for someone else. But then again, it's not my life to lead, not my mistake to commit, not my stupidity to regret. So I let it go. I've helped her in the best way I can. I hope she doesn't resent me for almost crossing the border of being mean.
I have a knack for feeling "what will most likely happen". I've proven it so many times since i was a child. Call it superstition, but I listen to my gut. And right now, my gut is telling me that she should be more discerning on what she should do and what is best for her. Despite that, I sincerely hope she'll be happy, and that i'll be proven wrong. i'll be gladly proven wrong on this one. For her sake.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --