THE LIGHTER SIDE OF LIFE
i got an opportunity to work in HK for AIU/AIG. am leaving on mid-august and will stay there till mid-nov. i'm not thoroughly satisfied with the offer but it was good enough for now. i'll play my cards from this. hopefully better things will come out of it. bucky is taking it easier the past few days. thank God...
sometimes, you have to take life's shit with a smile on your face AND AT SOME POINT, THROW IT BACK. as you can see, ma-angst akong tao. madaming issues. feeling madaming problema. e ano ngayon? im pushing 30 so i'm losing my right to say that all these issues are wrought from quarter-life crisis...
Thursday, July 17, 2003
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
Sunday, May 11, 2003
MUSINGS on MY SO-CALLED LIFE
i replied to an email i got from a friend. he was my classmate in several classes sa Masters. he had to stop studying here coz his family immigrated to Canada last year. he was asking how we are doing and here's what i wrote:
"nag-LOA din ako starting nung Nov 2002. i was on the verge of nervous breakdown. my work got so demanding, i was studying, and playing volleyball for the varsity. i took up multimedia (passed), thesis 1 (dropped), intro to software eng (pending). i have 15 units of course subjects to go, plus my thesis then i'm done. kaya lang, two years have passed already and right now, i'm thinking if i want to finish the program. i'm getting disillusioned with the IT industry (it's not as lucrative and promising as it seems...), i'm not confident with my skills (even though i'm taking masters), and i'm having some existential musings (i realize now that i don't find fulfillment in getting into the IT industry to serve only myself and/or IT companies whose main purpose really is just to make a profit... exaj bah?).
pero what do you think? i'm still thinking pa naman e. sayang din ung pagod na binigay ko for my masters tapos di ko lang tatapusin... but naisip ko rin na mas sayang na tapusin ko ung isang bagay na doesn't work for me. hay, i don't know. i'm so confused. besides, i have to save money pa for tuition and fees. ayoko ng magpa-scholar. too many strings...
anyway, i'm working full-time at the same company we made a study for Adv SAD. i'm enjoying my free time. watching dvds, thinking about what to do with my life. doing the things i wasn't able to do (because of my hectic lifestyle for 2 years). i have less things to get stressed about. I'm looking for a less-stressful job. something that will allow me to study. or maybe, i'll look for a job that's really core IT para naman magamit ko ang utak at training ko sa ADMU."
basically, that's my frame of mind right now. actually, i just want to be a bum for a while but i can't afford it. neither can i swallow my pride and ask money from my parents.
anyway, there's a job fair in glorietta tomorrow till wednesday. i'll go there and give it a shot.
i replied to an email i got from a friend. he was my classmate in several classes sa Masters. he had to stop studying here coz his family immigrated to Canada last year. he was asking how we are doing and here's what i wrote:
"nag-LOA din ako starting nung Nov 2002. i was on the verge of nervous breakdown. my work got so demanding, i was studying, and playing volleyball for the varsity. i took up multimedia (passed), thesis 1 (dropped), intro to software eng (pending). i have 15 units of course subjects to go, plus my thesis then i'm done. kaya lang, two years have passed already and right now, i'm thinking if i want to finish the program. i'm getting disillusioned with the IT industry (it's not as lucrative and promising as it seems...), i'm not confident with my skills (even though i'm taking masters), and i'm having some existential musings (i realize now that i don't find fulfillment in getting into the IT industry to serve only myself and/or IT companies whose main purpose really is just to make a profit... exaj bah?).
pero what do you think? i'm still thinking pa naman e. sayang din ung pagod na binigay ko for my masters tapos di ko lang tatapusin... but naisip ko rin na mas sayang na tapusin ko ung isang bagay na doesn't work for me. hay, i don't know. i'm so confused. besides, i have to save money pa for tuition and fees. ayoko ng magpa-scholar. too many strings...
anyway, i'm working full-time at the same company we made a study for Adv SAD. i'm enjoying my free time. watching dvds, thinking about what to do with my life. doing the things i wasn't able to do (because of my hectic lifestyle for 2 years). i have less things to get stressed about. I'm looking for a less-stressful job. something that will allow me to study. or maybe, i'll look for a job that's really core IT para naman magamit ko ang utak at training ko sa ADMU."
basically, that's my frame of mind right now. actually, i just want to be a bum for a while but i can't afford it. neither can i swallow my pride and ask money from my parents.
anyway, there's a job fair in glorietta tomorrow till wednesday. i'll go there and give it a shot.
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
HELLO, WORLD!
after almost 4 months of not 'blogging', im here again.
well, life is not too good, but nonetheless okay.
my vacation (since holy week until the 3rd week of may) made me face life-issues:
*marriage and family issues
*parents and wishing that they'll grow up and act their age
*love and in/fidelity
*profession and what it is for?
*facing and rising above disappointments
*going to law school. why? because i have nothing else to do? because i want a concrete label for what i could be? because i want to help other people and somehow make a difference in their lives. how?
*what have i become? what do i want to be?
*life. what is it? how should it be lived? what makes us go on?
I faced these questions nung holy week. but it didn't really sink in. after bucky's graduation, when i was left with nothing else to do but hunt for jobs, they slowly settled into me. the past 2 weeks have been hard. i was always depressed. i always feel a foreboding sense that the future holds nothing for me. I always fear that in the end i'll realize that i wasted my youth and my life. but then again, being paralyzed by that fear now will eventually make the fear come true. so i guess, i'll just have to face whatever life will bring, one at a time. i'll face them when they come. i don't want to make goals for myself anymore. i'm tired of planning my life...
after almost 4 months of not 'blogging', im here again.
well, life is not too good, but nonetheless okay.
my vacation (since holy week until the 3rd week of may) made me face life-issues:
*marriage and family issues
*parents and wishing that they'll grow up and act their age
*love and in/fidelity
*profession and what it is for?
*facing and rising above disappointments
*going to law school. why? because i have nothing else to do? because i want a concrete label for what i could be? because i want to help other people and somehow make a difference in their lives. how?
*what have i become? what do i want to be?
*life. what is it? how should it be lived? what makes us go on?
I faced these questions nung holy week. but it didn't really sink in. after bucky's graduation, when i was left with nothing else to do but hunt for jobs, they slowly settled into me. the past 2 weeks have been hard. i was always depressed. i always feel a foreboding sense that the future holds nothing for me. I always fear that in the end i'll realize that i wasted my youth and my life. but then again, being paralyzed by that fear now will eventually make the fear come true. so i guess, i'll just have to face whatever life will bring, one at a time. i'll face them when they come. i don't want to make goals for myself anymore. i'm tired of planning my life...
Wednesday, January 15, 2003
have made some new year's resolution regarding work. i've kept most of them. except this getting distracted by internet before starting work. well, i've been working quite well with this new project i'm handling, so i think i deserve this internet-time...
rap is thinking of leaving Mysis for some HR-related reasons. i guess, there isn't really a "better" place these days. but i'm still looking at my options. in the meantime, i'll be doing easy stuff here in the office. and getting paid for it!
rap is thinking of leaving Mysis for some HR-related reasons. i guess, there isn't really a "better" place these days. but i'm still looking at my options. in the meantime, i'll be doing easy stuff here in the office. and getting paid for it!
Friday, January 10, 2003
SATURDAY in the OFFICE
like a good girl who couldn't finish her homework last night because of exhaustion, i woke up early this saturday to go back to the office and finish my business. just to find out that the person (a client) who i'm supposed to work with this morning (so that i could finish my job before lunch break) hasn't even left from her freakin house yet. even my boss who was supposed to be here is not here. howell....
i wanted to write to somebody about the "mundane-ness" of my life. and so i write here.
i terribly miss home. it's just funny because after 7 years away from home, it was only last december that i felt... at home. when i was in high school, i remember feeling impatiently waiting for high school graduation so that i could then move to manila for college, away from home, away from mom's nagging and sparingly-given praise, from my brothers' kakulitan, away from high expectations, and other people's hopes for me... i actually enjoyed my freedom. till now.
i'm 24 years old. come to think of it, some of my contemporaries are already thinking of getting married and having kids, ARE getting married and having kids, talking of buying long-term investments. while here i am, angsty about work and pay and how it sucks having to be employed to eke out a living, thinking about where i'll get money for my holy-week vacation, at the same time, for paying the never-ending stream of bills.
i'm at the time of my life where i begin to look back and ask what actually happened to me. what happened to me for the past 7 years? why am i where i am? am i happy with what i am and what i've become? what will happen to me? everyday i face these questions. before i go to sleep, when i wake up, when i take a bath or take a poo, when i eat alone or watch TV, when i see old friends and see what they've become and how they've been, when i see college friends and see what they've become and how they've been, when i'm bored with work and find nothing else to do, when i'm overwhelmed with work and don't know what else to do... everyday, the answer seems to be getting clearer, yet i still couldn't figure it out. it's like taking a far-away picture of birds circling the sea on a clear day. You know that there are birds flying, but you can't actually see what kind of birds they are... the answer is there, but not quite.
funny. i used to think i was so sure of myself. that i had it all figured out. little did i know, this is just the beginning of a wonderfully terrible thing called LIFE.
like a good girl who couldn't finish her homework last night because of exhaustion, i woke up early this saturday to go back to the office and finish my business. just to find out that the person (a client) who i'm supposed to work with this morning (so that i could finish my job before lunch break) hasn't even left from her freakin house yet. even my boss who was supposed to be here is not here. howell....
i wanted to write to somebody about the "mundane-ness" of my life. and so i write here.
i terribly miss home. it's just funny because after 7 years away from home, it was only last december that i felt... at home. when i was in high school, i remember feeling impatiently waiting for high school graduation so that i could then move to manila for college, away from home, away from mom's nagging and sparingly-given praise, from my brothers' kakulitan, away from high expectations, and other people's hopes for me... i actually enjoyed my freedom. till now.
i'm 24 years old. come to think of it, some of my contemporaries are already thinking of getting married and having kids, ARE getting married and having kids, talking of buying long-term investments. while here i am, angsty about work and pay and how it sucks having to be employed to eke out a living, thinking about where i'll get money for my holy-week vacation, at the same time, for paying the never-ending stream of bills.
i'm at the time of my life where i begin to look back and ask what actually happened to me. what happened to me for the past 7 years? why am i where i am? am i happy with what i am and what i've become? what will happen to me? everyday i face these questions. before i go to sleep, when i wake up, when i take a bath or take a poo, when i eat alone or watch TV, when i see old friends and see what they've become and how they've been, when i see college friends and see what they've become and how they've been, when i'm bored with work and find nothing else to do, when i'm overwhelmed with work and don't know what else to do... everyday, the answer seems to be getting clearer, yet i still couldn't figure it out. it's like taking a far-away picture of birds circling the sea on a clear day. You know that there are birds flying, but you can't actually see what kind of birds they are... the answer is there, but not quite.
funny. i used to think i was so sure of myself. that i had it all figured out. little did i know, this is just the beginning of a wonderfully terrible thing called LIFE.
Tuesday, January 07, 2003
WHAT A WAY TO START THE NEW YEAR
I psyched myself up with regards to work last sunday (even though i didn't want to go back). in my mind, i made some resolutions: go to work early, finish work promptly and not dilly-dally with the Internet and personal stuff, lesser of call-in sick, among other things. Now, i find myself swamped with work and the year just started!!!! getting stressed already. and to think that my brain is not working as much as it used to. really, i just find myself going blank and not understanding stuff... alzhiemer's (tama ba spelling?) yata to... or quarter-life-crisis-intensity-level-3. hay ang dami kong gustong gawin before march. i'll try to sort my muddled brain one of these days...
I psyched myself up with regards to work last sunday (even though i didn't want to go back). in my mind, i made some resolutions: go to work early, finish work promptly and not dilly-dally with the Internet and personal stuff, lesser of call-in sick, among other things. Now, i find myself swamped with work and the year just started!!!! getting stressed already. and to think that my brain is not working as much as it used to. really, i just find myself going blank and not understanding stuff... alzhiemer's (tama ba spelling?) yata to... or quarter-life-crisis-intensity-level-3. hay ang dami kong gustong gawin before march. i'll try to sort my muddled brain one of these days...
Friday, January 03, 2003
POST-HOLIDAY THOUGHTS...
my last official day in davao. i'm not psychologically prepared to go back to Manila. for the first time in 7 years, i felt at peace being at home. i actually started thinking of the possibility of working and living here in Davao. there are a lot of problems in the family but i didn't feel the need to escape them anymore. i felt that i could and should help. and i say that without grudge or bitterness of heart. i guess the only thing holding me back is Bucky. also maybe the job opportunities in Manila. I'll give myself a deadline. If I can't find a good job that i'm happy with by the end of the year, I'm going back to Davao.
so much for serious thoughts.
my days here in davao started out slow. For approx 3 days, i was just in the house, watching VCD and playing PC with my bros (and getting addicted to SIMS!), or doing the chores. then we went to my aunt's wedding in Kidapawan (Dec26). I saw my ickle cousins, my aunts, and uncles. it was fun but stressful. they came with us to davao to visit lola's bro who was just recuperating from a bad stroke. we also went to SM for the kiddie's toy shopping (stressfull.....). after they all left on dec28, we cleaned the house (coz the helper was fired) for new year. had a day's rest on 30 pero went to the ADDU Alumni Reunion at around 10pm. had lots of batchmates there. pero meron ding hindi pumunta for reasons unknown to us. on that night, we, headed by robert, had a meeting for our ADDU HS 96 reunion. we started getting the names of the people and their phone nums. hopefully, we'll have a good turn-out next december. on 31, my mom and i went shopping and did the groceries for the new year's eve. by the time we went to mass at 8pm, mom was dizzy with hunger, i with exhaustion. when we came back home we had dinner at 10pm. we didn't get to celebrate the eve like we used to. just clanging the calderos and that was it. we were just so tired. jan1: cleaned the house and planned for beach. jan2: went to beach with friends. jan3: cleaned onchie's room. jan4: check email and ukay-ukay. jan5: BACK TO MLA. arg!
my last official day in davao. i'm not psychologically prepared to go back to Manila. for the first time in 7 years, i felt at peace being at home. i actually started thinking of the possibility of working and living here in Davao. there are a lot of problems in the family but i didn't feel the need to escape them anymore. i felt that i could and should help. and i say that without grudge or bitterness of heart. i guess the only thing holding me back is Bucky. also maybe the job opportunities in Manila. I'll give myself a deadline. If I can't find a good job that i'm happy with by the end of the year, I'm going back to Davao.
so much for serious thoughts.
my days here in davao started out slow. For approx 3 days, i was just in the house, watching VCD and playing PC with my bros (and getting addicted to SIMS!), or doing the chores. then we went to my aunt's wedding in Kidapawan (Dec26). I saw my ickle cousins, my aunts, and uncles. it was fun but stressful. they came with us to davao to visit lola's bro who was just recuperating from a bad stroke. we also went to SM for the kiddie's toy shopping (stressfull.....). after they all left on dec28, we cleaned the house (coz the helper was fired) for new year. had a day's rest on 30 pero went to the ADDU Alumni Reunion at around 10pm. had lots of batchmates there. pero meron ding hindi pumunta for reasons unknown to us. on that night, we, headed by robert, had a meeting for our ADDU HS 96 reunion. we started getting the names of the people and their phone nums. hopefully, we'll have a good turn-out next december. on 31, my mom and i went shopping and did the groceries for the new year's eve. by the time we went to mass at 8pm, mom was dizzy with hunger, i with exhaustion. when we came back home we had dinner at 10pm. we didn't get to celebrate the eve like we used to. just clanging the calderos and that was it. we were just so tired. jan1: cleaned the house and planned for beach. jan2: went to beach with friends. jan3: cleaned onchie's room. jan4: check email and ukay-ukay. jan5: BACK TO MLA. arg!
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