Luncbreak

Ranting

I've been skipping between doing work & surfing the net. I can't seem to bring myself to concentrate on work. I am so distracted lately. And bitchy about work. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find the perfect job for me. When I was in AIU, I enjoyed the job: talking to users, documentation, working with developers, testing, etc. But it didn't stop me from complaining about my not-so-satisfactory employment conditions: being contractual, having no benefits, having a smaller salary when in fact I was doing the same load as would a regular employee have, etc. So I started looking for a "better" job in a "better" company. How naive I was. I grabbed the opportunity in SMART. "Smart" move. NOT. All in all, knowing what I know now, I would have stayed in AIU. If I just welcomed management's interest to hire me as a regular, my salary would be humungous (yes, even with my current Smart salary + bonus), plus, lots of chances to go abroad for free. But the downside of working in AIU is the workhours. I've experienced working till 2am, including weekends. It went on for months. I couldn't take it. But then maybe I just needed rest. Oh well, everything I say here is moot & academic. I'm not there, Im here. So might as well live with it.

Live with it.

This has been my mantra for a long time now. Ever since I realized that being in Smart is not a smart choice. I know that I'm not satisfied with my current job. But I will not look for work in another company here in Manila (or so I say...) unless the salary is way up. I have decided to look for work in Singapore. I already started job hunting, albeit just in cyberspace. My jobhunting has been stalled because of my hectic schedule for the past 2 weeks. I shall resume hunting come this weekend. If I cannot find work in the internet, I will go to Singapore for at most a month to search for jobs there. I figured that Gen & some other ex-AIU friends are already there. I will have a place to crash. All I need to do is save money for daily expenses.

"I don't want to have what-ifs in my life."

Why I want to work in Singapore:
- The exchange rate is not bad.
- Plane fare is so cheap!
- Singapore is not too far from the Philippines. I can decide to go home any time.
- I have lotsa friends there.
- Shopping!
- I will be able to save for my future & help my family with the expenses at home.
- Somehow, I want to affirm myself that I have not been a failure in the field that I chose, that I can do it.

Why I don't want to work in Singapore:
- I will leave & terribly miss my close friends here.
- It will be harder to go home & be present for family gatherings.
- I will leave the comfort of familiarity. Moving will be too much of a hassle.
- I will leave Bucky & face the risk of losing him. Leaving Bucky will be the hardest part of all. We haven't been apart for more than a month ever since I lived in Makati. The longest we've been apart is when I went to Hongkong for work. We've grown so much together that it might be hard for both of us to adjust to being apart from each other. I think it will be especially hard for him because he really doesn't want me to go.

So where will all these take me?

Random Rantings

--- about being harrassed & return-of-the-comback ---

Starting last week, i've finally been able to relax in the office. After more than a month of being harrassed, working on weekends & harboring evil thoughs (a.k.a. wanting-to-chop-my-bitch-of-a-manager-&-her-bitchier-colleague's-heads-with-a-butter-knife-kind of thoughts or going on AWOL), I finally was able to put my life in order. Because of my freaking work schedule, my laundry got stuck at home for about 2 months. God knows if living creatures are already inhabiting there. I delivered half of my laundry, which reached almost 10 kilos (!), to a neighborhood laundry shop. Bucky, Jaja & I went to dinner & coffee. Jaja was on the hot seat about her most recent "return-of-da-comeback" adventure. Like I told her, "Buti nga kay Mike. Ang tanga-tanga kasi."

--- about Bucky's transfer to a new apartment ---

Bucky finally left Mark in their rotting apartment. He transferred to a not-so-rotting & newly painted unit beside the old one. he spent so much money on house improvements that he's going to talk to the landlady regarding the expenses. I've been helping him with all the home improvements for the past 2 weeks that I feel as if I'm his wife. Creepy. I help him make his room, his house, I cook his breakfast, lunch & dinner. It's like we're.... married. The only thing missing is the marriage contract. I've been ambivalent about this but I can't help but 'pretend' to be the wife. To give credit to Bucky, he 'pretends' to be my husband. I'm torn between pretending to be a wife and being a girlfriend with a life other than the BF. I hate to think what will happen to him if I go with my plan to work in Singapore.

---

obviously, i don't want to work.