How much of the Philippines have you seen?
My Lakbayan grade is C+!
How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out athttp://www.blogger.com/Eugene.
Friday, June 22, 2007
50 things about me (as if u wanna know)...
I found this in friendster's bulletin. and having nothing else to do, i answered the list.
1. How tall are you barefoot? 5'4"
2. Have you ever smoked? Yes
3. Do you own a gun? Nope
4. Do you hate someone right now? No, not really
5. Do you get nervous? A lot
6. What do you think of hotdogs? Not my favourite food
7. What's your favorite Christmas song? Latin version of Silent Night
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Orange juice
9. Can you do push ups? Yes, macho yata itech…
11.What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My gold ring that looks like a flower. It was given to me by my aunt when I was just 6 yrs old
12. Do you like painkillers? Yes, I think have an addiction to Mefenamic Acid. The pills don’t work on me anymore…
13. What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex? Um, I don’t lure the opposite sex. If they like me, they like me. If hinde, di wag!
14. Do you own a knife? Yes, its in the kitchen
15. Do you have H.I.V? God, no!
16. Name? Janus
17. Name 3 things u wanna do at this exact moment: be in Eiffel Tower at night, skinny dipping under the moonlight, be wrapped in Bucky’s arms
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought lately: a kilo of grapes, scissors, noodles with stewed beef
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: water, orange juice, milk
20. What time did you wake up today? 730am. I turned off the darned alarm clock and went back to sleep…
22. Current worry? Not having enough money, job security
23. Current hate? uncertainty
24. Favorite place to be? On the sand under the sun
25.Least favorite place to be? MRT at 8am
26. Where would you like to go? Europe, Maldives, Greece, Brazil, India
27. Do you own slippers? Of course
28. What shirt are you wearing? Sando blouse
29. -- missing????
30. Favorite color? Red, orange
31. Would you like to be a pirate? Nope, they look dirty at walang ligo
32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink: before I left for Singapore
33. What songs do you sing in the shower room? I don’t sing in the shower
34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? Someone like Sadako
35.What's in your pocket/s right now? nothing
36. Last thing that made you laugh? When bucky told me he would still let me sleep in his house even if we break up
37. last thing that made you cry? Realizing that I hurt a friend
38. Worst injury you've ever had? Ankle sprain. I couldn’t walk properly for weeks
40. How many cellphones do you have? One. And I need one more…
41. Who is your loudest friend? Louder than me? Bucky.
42.Who is your most silent friend? Hmmm. Cant think of any right now
43.last movie watched? Fantastic 4
44. What is your favorite book? The God of Small Things, 100 years of solitude, Of Love & Shadows
45.What is your favorite chocolate? Royce dark chocolates, Andes mint and chocolate
47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding? She
48. What were you doing 12 AM last night? asleep
49. What was the First thing you did today? Took a bath
50. What was the last thing you did the day before yesterday? Chatted with Bucky
I found this in friendster's bulletin. and having nothing else to do, i answered the list.
1. How tall are you barefoot? 5'4"
2. Have you ever smoked? Yes
3. Do you own a gun? Nope
4. Do you hate someone right now? No, not really
5. Do you get nervous? A lot
6. What do you think of hotdogs? Not my favourite food
7. What's your favorite Christmas song? Latin version of Silent Night
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Orange juice
9. Can you do push ups? Yes, macho yata itech…
11.What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My gold ring that looks like a flower. It was given to me by my aunt when I was just 6 yrs old
12. Do you like painkillers? Yes, I think have an addiction to Mefenamic Acid. The pills don’t work on me anymore…
13. What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex? Um, I don’t lure the opposite sex. If they like me, they like me. If hinde, di wag!
14. Do you own a knife? Yes, its in the kitchen
15. Do you have H.I.V? God, no!
16. Name? Janus
17. Name 3 things u wanna do at this exact moment: be in Eiffel Tower at night, skinny dipping under the moonlight, be wrapped in Bucky’s arms
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought lately: a kilo of grapes, scissors, noodles with stewed beef
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: water, orange juice, milk
20. What time did you wake up today? 730am. I turned off the darned alarm clock and went back to sleep…
22. Current worry? Not having enough money, job security
23. Current hate? uncertainty
24. Favorite place to be? On the sand under the sun
25.Least favorite place to be? MRT at 8am
26. Where would you like to go? Europe, Maldives, Greece, Brazil, India
27. Do you own slippers? Of course
28. What shirt are you wearing? Sando blouse
29. -- missing????
30. Favorite color? Red, orange
31. Would you like to be a pirate? Nope, they look dirty at walang ligo
32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink: before I left for Singapore
33. What songs do you sing in the shower room? I don’t sing in the shower
34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? Someone like Sadako
35.What's in your pocket/s right now? nothing
36. Last thing that made you laugh? When bucky told me he would still let me sleep in his house even if we break up
37. last thing that made you cry? Realizing that I hurt a friend
38. Worst injury you've ever had? Ankle sprain. I couldn’t walk properly for weeks
40. How many cellphones do you have? One. And I need one more…
41. Who is your loudest friend? Louder than me? Bucky.
42.Who is your most silent friend? Hmmm. Cant think of any right now
43.last movie watched? Fantastic 4
44. What is your favorite book? The God of Small Things, 100 years of solitude, Of Love & Shadows
45.What is your favorite chocolate? Royce dark chocolates, Andes mint and chocolate
47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding? She
48. What were you doing 12 AM last night? asleep
49. What was the First thing you did today? Took a bath
50. What was the last thing you did the day before yesterday? Chatted with Bucky
Week 3
Friday. The last day of my first 3 weeks of working here in Singapore.
So what exactly has been my work about? I’ve been doing business process documentation, interviewing users, cleaning up the process diagrams handed-over to me, which were in such a bad shape that I had to redo the whole thing. I earned the ire of the users because I’ve been already the 3rd person interviewing them for the same purpose. I would be irritated myself, if it happened to me. But work has to be done, and so I bear the brunt of their impatience. And my boss constantly asks me about how SAP can “do things”, in relation to the processes I’ve been documenting. So far, I’ve been confident with my answers. Hoping to keep this up. Hehehe.
I decided to hang out by the benches outside Suntec to catch some sun and polluted air (there are cars and busses going around the Fountain of Wealth, and smokers behind me). For the past 2 days, I found the client’s office very stuffy.
So, 3 weeks. What do I think, so far?
Singapore is a multi-cultural country. Though it’s predominantly Chinese, there is a large portion of the population who are Indians, Malays, Muslims, and Filipino. Call it weird, but I find comfort in hearing inane Tagalog conversations and tsismis in the bus or MRT.
For the past 3 weeks, I have compiled a list of general observations (not in any order) about the people, the culture, and the interesting things here in Singapore. N.b. these are just mere observations, and not sweeping generalizations. I don’t aim to hurt or judge anybody.
1) “-lah”. What could this 3-letter word/suffix/phrase mean? Whenever I talk to anybody who is distinctly Singaporean, these 3 letters seem to pop out at the end of each sentence. “Don’t include this lah”, “Let’s go out for lunch lah”… and so on. Why? Why?
2) Singaporeans are workaholics. They take pride in working long hours, working at home, working on weekends, during lunch... I found it sad.
3) They’re so quiet in the office. If it was quiet in my previous office, it’s quieter here. People hardly talk, there isn’t anyone listening to music (even with earphones), or the occasional jostling and joking around. I could hear the aircon humming overhead. Nakakapanis ng laway…
4) It’s amazing to see the number of shops and malls here. There are just so many things waiting to be purchased! Laptops, digital cameras, phones, speakers, usb devices, ipod, mp3 players, shoes, bags, clothes, food, more shoes… I often wonder how these shops could survive.
5) Most foodcourts only have a handful of stalls with spoon and forks.
6) All of the foodcourts I’ve been don’t give out paper napkins as part of their service! So frustrating…
7) The serving size of meals here is BIG. Most of the time, I can hardly finish my meal. I usually buy my food as “take away”. Whatever I couldn’t finish for lunch is usually my dinner. Katamad na rin mag-prepare. I miss Gingging. Hehehe.
8) Canned/bottled softdrinks here cost an arm! $1.50 for a can of Coke Light x P30/$SG1 = P45/can. And that’s already in a foodcourt. Crazy! Another reason to stick to the diet (if there is one).
9) Most foodcourt/hawker busboys/cleaners here are senior citizens.
10) Most people here eat alone during meal times, like I do. 3 or 4 strangers can share a table in the foodcourt, not minding one another’s business.
11) Despite observation #7, people here are slim, sexy, well-groomed and fashionable, especially the women. They can walk for hours in stilettos and strappy sandals, with short skirts or shorts, despite the always impending rain. Also despite their varicose veins and leg spots. Now that is confidence.
12) [Another] despite observation #11, I noticed that most people here are not fond of taking a bath or washing up everyday. There isn’t a day, during the morning bus ride, that I don’t see a pretty lady or a guy smartly dressed but smelling of someone who just got out of bed. Amoy kama. As a result, I think people here have gone immune with BO. Either that, or they’ve mastered the art of ignoring it even in the enclosed space of an aircon bus or MRT. As for me, the only thing I’ve mastered is pretending to ignore BO. I keep a straight face whenever there is an “encounter”, but deep inside, I want to belch and run out.
13) Everything is ‘sanitized’ here. Everything looks clean, manicured, and OC. There is hardly any dust at the house, or any litter in the sidewalks. The MRT and the buses are well-kept. Buses only stop at designated areas. There are no creepy kundoktors or hold-upper looking men. There are trees and shade even in the heart of the city. Ang saya-saya.
14) I think there is only one big grocery store here (Carrerfour) that can rival SM and Landmark.
15) Prices of liquor are outrageously! No wonder people here are so … somber and always looking constipated (ehehehe).
16) There aren’t too many pogi and guapa people here. Well, beauty is subjective. But as for me, people here look too Chinese or too Indian for my taste. I’ve come to realize that the Filipinos’ physique and “face” has been too watered down by centuries of intermarriage with the colonial Spanish, that we look neither distinctly Asian nor Malay nor Spanish. Whereas people here are, like I said, too … distinct.
17) There is hardly any traffic here. “Hardly”, in comparison to the monstrous traffic back in Manila. Traffic here would mean being stuck for a maximum of 1 hour. One hour back in Manila is just ‘normal’ travel time from Makati to Ortigas. Maybe because there aren’t too many cars here. Too expensive. And besides, the public transport system is very efficient and covers most of the country, so why bother with a car?
18) Whereas there are queues or “pila” for cabs, people don’t queue at bus stops. Rampage! Especially during peak hours between 6pm and 9pm. Parang sa Pilipinas din pala.
19) Children here are very independent. Those as young as 6 years old can go to far-off schools without a yaya, provided they have their own ez-link (smart card for busses, MRT) ticket or coins.
20) People read in the busses and the MRT. I still couldn’t bring myself to catch this habit. The strain of focusing my eyes on the letters, while the bus or the MRT is forever shaking, gives me migraine.
21) There is hardly any news about killings, rape, child abuse, rallies, hold-uppers, and terrorists. Like the general surroundings, the news is also quite sanitized. Parang exciting na dito ang nahulog na kotse sa kanal, kotseng nakabanggan sa kalye, and the like. Made me think na ang boring talaga dito.
22) Deal or No Deal here is a boring show, compared to the ‘dramah’ and excitement in Pinas’ version. The audience isn’t too loud, the host doesn’t have Kris Aquino’s ka-eklatan, and is so “trying-hard” to be witty and funny.
23) The entertainment industry here is a speck compared to Pinas’. You see the same faces in almost all the local shows. One actor could be doing drama in one show, and comedy or action an hour later in another show. Mileage.
24) Most taxis here are Toyota Crown. Kulay at company lang ang nag-iba. There must’ve been a time when they mass-imported these cars to be used as taxis. Cabs here are nice, clean, don’t smell of cigarette smoke, and they issue receipts, so you wouldn’t hear the irritating “kayo na po bahala ma’m ha…” comment.
25) During communion at mass, people follow the queuing per pew system. A row of people can only stand up when the row before them has already queued or taken communion. It’s very systematic, and facilitates faster distribution amongst the people. Unlike sa Pilipinas, walang systema. Queue at your own sweet time.
26) Sentosa, the largest island/beach resort here, with an atmosphere like Boracay, is pitiable compared to our beaches. The sand looks and feels fake, the water is murky and has a horrible shade of monster green (yeck), and the whole place just reeks of “artificial”. Even though I shun Boracay for having lost all its “naturalness”, I would prefer it, hands-down, over Sentosa anytime. But then, who am I to complain? It’s the only ‘decent’ beach near the city. And as I need to be sun-scorched once in a while, I don’t have any choice.
So there, 26 items in just 3 weeks. I’m foreseeing that this list will grow longer, as I begin to miss dear old, chaotic, unforgettable lupang sinilangan.
Friday. The last day of my first 3 weeks of working here in Singapore.
So what exactly has been my work about? I’ve been doing business process documentation, interviewing users, cleaning up the process diagrams handed-over to me, which were in such a bad shape that I had to redo the whole thing. I earned the ire of the users because I’ve been already the 3rd person interviewing them for the same purpose. I would be irritated myself, if it happened to me. But work has to be done, and so I bear the brunt of their impatience. And my boss constantly asks me about how SAP can “do things”, in relation to the processes I’ve been documenting. So far, I’ve been confident with my answers. Hoping to keep this up. Hehehe.
I decided to hang out by the benches outside Suntec to catch some sun and polluted air (there are cars and busses going around the Fountain of Wealth, and smokers behind me). For the past 2 days, I found the client’s office very stuffy.
So, 3 weeks. What do I think, so far?
Singapore is a multi-cultural country. Though it’s predominantly Chinese, there is a large portion of the population who are Indians, Malays, Muslims, and Filipino. Call it weird, but I find comfort in hearing inane Tagalog conversations and tsismis in the bus or MRT.
For the past 3 weeks, I have compiled a list of general observations (not in any order) about the people, the culture, and the interesting things here in Singapore. N.b. these are just mere observations, and not sweeping generalizations. I don’t aim to hurt or judge anybody.
1) “-lah”. What could this 3-letter word/suffix/phrase mean? Whenever I talk to anybody who is distinctly Singaporean, these 3 letters seem to pop out at the end of each sentence. “Don’t include this lah”, “Let’s go out for lunch lah”… and so on. Why? Why?
2) Singaporeans are workaholics. They take pride in working long hours, working at home, working on weekends, during lunch... I found it sad.
3) They’re so quiet in the office. If it was quiet in my previous office, it’s quieter here. People hardly talk, there isn’t anyone listening to music (even with earphones), or the occasional jostling and joking around. I could hear the aircon humming overhead. Nakakapanis ng laway…
4) It’s amazing to see the number of shops and malls here. There are just so many things waiting to be purchased! Laptops, digital cameras, phones, speakers, usb devices, ipod, mp3 players, shoes, bags, clothes, food, more shoes… I often wonder how these shops could survive.
5) Most foodcourts only have a handful of stalls with spoon and forks.
6) All of the foodcourts I’ve been don’t give out paper napkins as part of their service! So frustrating…
7) The serving size of meals here is BIG. Most of the time, I can hardly finish my meal. I usually buy my food as “take away”. Whatever I couldn’t finish for lunch is usually my dinner. Katamad na rin mag-prepare. I miss Gingging. Hehehe.
8) Canned/bottled softdrinks here cost an arm! $1.50 for a can of Coke Light x P30/$SG1 = P45/can. And that’s already in a foodcourt. Crazy! Another reason to stick to the diet (if there is one).
9) Most foodcourt/hawker busboys/cleaners here are senior citizens.
10) Most people here eat alone during meal times, like I do. 3 or 4 strangers can share a table in the foodcourt, not minding one another’s business.
11) Despite observation #7, people here are slim, sexy, well-groomed and fashionable, especially the women. They can walk for hours in stilettos and strappy sandals, with short skirts or shorts, despite the always impending rain. Also despite their varicose veins and leg spots. Now that is confidence.
12) [Another] despite observation #11, I noticed that most people here are not fond of taking a bath or washing up everyday. There isn’t a day, during the morning bus ride, that I don’t see a pretty lady or a guy smartly dressed but smelling of someone who just got out of bed. Amoy kama. As a result, I think people here have gone immune with BO. Either that, or they’ve mastered the art of ignoring it even in the enclosed space of an aircon bus or MRT. As for me, the only thing I’ve mastered is pretending to ignore BO. I keep a straight face whenever there is an “encounter”, but deep inside, I want to belch and run out.
13) Everything is ‘sanitized’ here. Everything looks clean, manicured, and OC. There is hardly any dust at the house, or any litter in the sidewalks. The MRT and the buses are well-kept. Buses only stop at designated areas. There are no creepy kundoktors or hold-upper looking men. There are trees and shade even in the heart of the city. Ang saya-saya.
14) I think there is only one big grocery store here (Carrerfour) that can rival SM and Landmark.
15) Prices of liquor are outrageously! No wonder people here are so … somber and always looking constipated (ehehehe).
16) There aren’t too many pogi and guapa people here. Well, beauty is subjective. But as for me, people here look too Chinese or too Indian for my taste. I’ve come to realize that the Filipinos’ physique and “face” has been too watered down by centuries of intermarriage with the colonial Spanish, that we look neither distinctly Asian nor Malay nor Spanish. Whereas people here are, like I said, too … distinct.
17) There is hardly any traffic here. “Hardly”, in comparison to the monstrous traffic back in Manila. Traffic here would mean being stuck for a maximum of 1 hour. One hour back in Manila is just ‘normal’ travel time from Makati to Ortigas. Maybe because there aren’t too many cars here. Too expensive. And besides, the public transport system is very efficient and covers most of the country, so why bother with a car?
18) Whereas there are queues or “pila” for cabs, people don’t queue at bus stops. Rampage! Especially during peak hours between 6pm and 9pm. Parang sa Pilipinas din pala.
19) Children here are very independent. Those as young as 6 years old can go to far-off schools without a yaya, provided they have their own ez-link (smart card for busses, MRT) ticket or coins.
20) People read in the busses and the MRT. I still couldn’t bring myself to catch this habit. The strain of focusing my eyes on the letters, while the bus or the MRT is forever shaking, gives me migraine.
21) There is hardly any news about killings, rape, child abuse, rallies, hold-uppers, and terrorists. Like the general surroundings, the news is also quite sanitized. Parang exciting na dito ang nahulog na kotse sa kanal, kotseng nakabanggan sa kalye, and the like. Made me think na ang boring talaga dito.
22) Deal or No Deal here is a boring show, compared to the ‘dramah’ and excitement in Pinas’ version. The audience isn’t too loud, the host doesn’t have Kris Aquino’s ka-eklatan, and is so “trying-hard” to be witty and funny.
23) The entertainment industry here is a speck compared to Pinas’. You see the same faces in almost all the local shows. One actor could be doing drama in one show, and comedy or action an hour later in another show. Mileage.
24) Most taxis here are Toyota Crown. Kulay at company lang ang nag-iba. There must’ve been a time when they mass-imported these cars to be used as taxis. Cabs here are nice, clean, don’t smell of cigarette smoke, and they issue receipts, so you wouldn’t hear the irritating “kayo na po bahala ma’m ha…” comment.
25) During communion at mass, people follow the queuing per pew system. A row of people can only stand up when the row before them has already queued or taken communion. It’s very systematic, and facilitates faster distribution amongst the people. Unlike sa Pilipinas, walang systema. Queue at your own sweet time.
26) Sentosa, the largest island/beach resort here, with an atmosphere like Boracay, is pitiable compared to our beaches. The sand looks and feels fake, the water is murky and has a horrible shade of monster green (yeck), and the whole place just reeks of “artificial”. Even though I shun Boracay for having lost all its “naturalness”, I would prefer it, hands-down, over Sentosa anytime. But then, who am I to complain? It’s the only ‘decent’ beach near the city. And as I need to be sun-scorched once in a while, I don’t have any choice.
So there, 26 items in just 3 weeks. I’m foreseeing that this list will grow longer, as I begin to miss dear old, chaotic, unforgettable lupang sinilangan.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Singapura … Singapura …
Today is officially my 20th day here in Singapore.
I arrived with my parents and youngest brother last June 1. I had soooo much luggage that I asked for them to come with me, so that I could use their luggage allocation (anyway, they didn’t pay for the plane fare). We spent the afternoon walking around, taking pictures of the Merlion and the Fullerton hotel. Then we had dinner at the Esplanade outdoor hawker center. It was a long walk back to my parents’ budget hotel along North Bridge. Onchie stayed with me at Rap’s.
On the 2nd day, we went to Sentosa via cable car. It was such a nerve-wracking experience, especially for dad. You can just imagine what will happen if your coach was to plunge down the sea. Scary thought. There was not much to see in Sentosa really. We just went to the Merlion statue again, had pictures with the friendly yellow python (yikes!), and had lunch at Subway while waiting for Onchie to finish the 4D movie. Then we checked out the macau bird show (which was really for kids, it was OA) then headed to the beaches: Palawan and Siloso.
The ‘beaches’ don’t even come close to the so-so beaches we have back in the Philippines. For one thing, the sand looked fake. Also, the water looked murky, as if a monster might appear from it anytime. What pitiful souls… crowding into the only ‘beach’ they have. There was an interesting place though, claimed to be the ‘southernmost point of continental asia’. It is an islet connected to Sentosa island via a hanging bridge, and Sentosa Island is connected to Singapore via a bridge, and Singapore is connected to Malaysia via the Singapore-Johore causeway, hence the reason it’s still connected to continental asia. At 7pm, we watched the water & light show called ‘Songs of the Sea’. The plot was very thin (coz it was intended for kids), but the effects were really cool. Even Onchie enjoyed the show. He and I went back to the cable car station via the Sky Ride. It was like the cable car ride, minus the protection of the coach! Our feet were literally hanging in the air, almost skimming the top of the trees. Scary! The ride stopped for around 2 minutes, so were left dangling tens of meters above ground, totally helpless. Even though the ride was scary as hell, the view of the city from above the treetops was breathtaking. Either that, or I was out of breath like shit because of fear.
The cable car ride back to the city was less scary, and the view more beautiful. Everything was bright and twinkling.
On Sunday, we heard mass at Good Shepherd Cathedral, the oldest Roman Catholic church in Singapore (erected in 1843). Our lunch at the hawkers by the hotel had been fun: Onchie and mom waged war with their chopsticks. Then off we went to Chinatown. Mom, as usual, had a blast window shopping, touching the items, asking for the prices and looking away. For all the time she scoured the stores for anything, she was only able to buy 2 or 3 items. Ay ka-kapoy. After shopping, we came across the newly opened temple.
Onchie and I went in and joined the Sunday afternoon rush. There were so many devotees and tourists flocking by the giant buddhas. There was just so many people. They buy candles as offerings and ask the monks do the chanting (via high-end sound system).The supposed solemnity of the place was lost in the crowd: taking pictures, talking, shouting, haggling for the prices on the smaller buddhas… After Chinatown, we went to Little India and shopped at the Serangoon Plaza. To my chagrin, mom bought soap, lotion, shampoo, and toothpaste! Mura daw kasi. Hay! I was able to buy a camera tripod at a bargain: $21 only. The cheapest one I found in Chinatown was $35. After Little India, we took the MRT going to Orchard Road. By this time, we were so tired that we just had dinner at Burger King and went back to the hotel. We didn’t even go into the malls to look for Onchie’s Havaianas. Having realized that the night was still young, we decided to go to Bugis Street for some tiyange shopping until midnight.
As their last ‘tour day’ was Monday, I left them to fend for themselves because I had to report to work at Suntec. Little did I know that my company had already moved to Jurong. So I went there via the MRT and got almost got lost because I didn’t know which bus to take. After getting instructions in the main office, I arrived in Jurong at around lunch time, only to discover that my project manager wasn’t there. So I was instructed to do my medical examination and take the rest of the day off. Just when I had finally decided to go back to the city and meet my famiily, the project manager calls me and tells me to go back to the office. Haaaaaaayyy………. And since I didn’t have a laptop in the office yet, I had to go back home and get my own. Grabe, kakapoy. I finally met up with my parents at around 8pm. Kainis pa coz Dad and I ran out of our roaming load, so we couldn’t coordinate. I went to their hotel as the last resort, hoping that I’d bump into them. Good thing that Dad was waiting at the hawker area by the street and saw me walk by. He was waiting for Mom and Onchie to wrap up their shopping. When they didn’t show up after I ate dinner, we decided to look for them in Bugis Junction. We found both of them doing pahabol shopping and bargaining. It was already 10pm when we went out the mall (syempre, closing time na rin). Onchie wanted to shop some more because he still had some SGD, but since all the malls were already closed, we went to the nearby Starbucks and ordered his first frappuccino. I helped them pack their shit. Good thing they bought a lot of extra bags (which was supposed to be for my use), all the soap, toothpaste, shampoo, candles, and what-have-you that my mom bought, plus the shoes that Onchie and Dad bought, were secured.
Today is officially my 20th day here in Singapore.
I arrived with my parents and youngest brother last June 1. I had soooo much luggage that I asked for them to come with me, so that I could use their luggage allocation (anyway, they didn’t pay for the plane fare). We spent the afternoon walking around, taking pictures of the Merlion and the Fullerton hotel. Then we had dinner at the Esplanade outdoor hawker center. It was a long walk back to my parents’ budget hotel along North Bridge. Onchie stayed with me at Rap’s.
On the 2nd day, we went to Sentosa via cable car. It was such a nerve-wracking experience, especially for dad. You can just imagine what will happen if your coach was to plunge down the sea. Scary thought. There was not much to see in Sentosa really. We just went to the Merlion statue again, had pictures with the friendly yellow python (yikes!), and had lunch at Subway while waiting for Onchie to finish the 4D movie. Then we checked out the macau bird show (which was really for kids, it was OA) then headed to the beaches: Palawan and Siloso. The ‘beaches’ don’t even come close to the so-so beaches we have back in the Philippines. For one thing, the sand looked fake. Also, the water looked murky, as if a monster might appear from it anytime. What pitiful souls… crowding into the only ‘beach’ they have. There was an interesting place though, claimed to be the ‘southernmost point of continental asia’. It is an islet connected to Sentosa island via a hanging bridge, and Sentosa Island is connected to Singapore via a bridge, and Singapore is connected to Malaysia via the Singapore-Johore causeway, hence the reason it’s still connected to continental asia. At 7pm, we watched the water & light show called ‘Songs of the Sea’. The plot was very thin (coz it was intended for kids), but the effects were really cool. Even Onchie enjoyed the show. He and I went back to the cable car station via the Sky Ride. It was like the cable car ride, minus the protection of the coach! Our feet were literally hanging in the air, almost skimming the top of the trees. Scary! The ride stopped for around 2 minutes, so were left dangling tens of meters above ground, totally helpless. Even though the ride was scary as hell, the view of the city from above the treetops was breathtaking. Either that, or I was out of breath like shit because of fear. The cable car ride back to the city was less scary, and the view more beautiful. Everything was bright and twinkling.On Sunday, we heard mass at Good Shepherd Cathedral, the oldest Roman Catholic church in Singapore (erected in 1843). Our lunch at the hawkers by the hotel had been fun: Onchie and mom waged war with their chopsticks. Then off we went to Chinatown. Mom, as usual, had a blast window shopping, touching the items, asking for the prices and looking away. For all the time she scoured the stores for anything, she was only able to buy 2 or 3 items. Ay ka-kapoy. After shopping, we came across the newly opened temple.
Onchie and I went in and joined the Sunday afternoon rush. There were so many devotees and tourists flocking by the giant buddhas. There was just so many people. They buy candles as offerings and ask the monks do the chanting (via high-end sound system).The supposed solemnity of the place was lost in the crowd: taking pictures, talking, shouting, haggling for the prices on the smaller buddhas… After Chinatown, we went to Little India and shopped at the Serangoon Plaza. To my chagrin, mom bought soap, lotion, shampoo, and toothpaste! Mura daw kasi. Hay! I was able to buy a camera tripod at a bargain: $21 only. The cheapest one I found in Chinatown was $35. After Little India, we took the MRT going to Orchard Road. By this time, we were so tired that we just had dinner at Burger King and went back to the hotel. We didn’t even go into the malls to look for Onchie’s Havaianas. Having realized that the night was still young, we decided to go to Bugis Street for some tiyange shopping until midnight. As their last ‘tour day’ was Monday, I left them to fend for themselves because I had to report to work at Suntec. Little did I know that my company had already moved to Jurong. So I went there via the MRT and got almost got lost because I didn’t know which bus to take. After getting instructions in the main office, I arrived in Jurong at around lunch time, only to discover that my project manager wasn’t there. So I was instructed to do my medical examination and take the rest of the day off. Just when I had finally decided to go back to the city and meet my famiily, the project manager calls me and tells me to go back to the office. Haaaaaaayyy………. And since I didn’t have a laptop in the office yet, I had to go back home and get my own. Grabe, kakapoy. I finally met up with my parents at around 8pm. Kainis pa coz Dad and I ran out of our roaming load, so we couldn’t coordinate. I went to their hotel as the last resort, hoping that I’d bump into them. Good thing that Dad was waiting at the hawker area by the street and saw me walk by. He was waiting for Mom and Onchie to wrap up their shopping. When they didn’t show up after I ate dinner, we decided to look for them in Bugis Junction. We found both of them doing pahabol shopping and bargaining. It was already 10pm when we went out the mall (syempre, closing time na rin). Onchie wanted to shop some more because he still had some SGD, but since all the malls were already closed, we went to the nearby Starbucks and ordered his first frappuccino. I helped them pack their shit. Good thing they bought a lot of extra bags (which was supposed to be for my use), all the soap, toothpaste, shampoo, candles, and what-have-you that my mom bought, plus the shoes that Onchie and Dad bought, were secured.
Onchie had to sleep with my parents because they were leaving for the airport very early the next day. As I stood alone in the bus, I suddenly felt a strong pang of loneliness, it almost made me cry. My first four days in Singapore had been tiring but fun, because my family was there. I wasn’t sure if I’d survive without them to hold on to. By the time I got to Rap’s place that night, I was so tired to mull about it.
The next two weeks of work had been very hectic… And I terribly missed Bucky.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
What Your Name Means (http://www.paulsadowski.com/NameData.asp)
-- this thingie almost made me laugh... where do these people get this shit????
You entered: january kristi migalbin
There are 21 letters in your name.Those 21 letters total to 99. There are 8 vowels and 13 consonants in your name.
Your number is: 9
The characteristics of #9 are: Humanitarian, giving nature, selflessness, obligations, creative expression.
The expression or destiny for #9:The expression that you exhibit is represented bythe number 9. Your talents center in humanistic interests and approaches. You like to help others as you were intended to be the 'big brother or big sister' type. You operate best when you follow your feelings and sense of compassion, and allow yourself to be sensitive to the needs of others. You work well with people, and have the potential to inspire. This suggests that you could successfully teach or counsel. Creative ability, imagination and artistic talent (often latent) of the highest order are present in this expression. It's possible that you're not using or developing all of these capabilities at this time. Some of your talents may have been used at an earlier time in your life, and some may still be latent. Be aware of your capabilities, so that you can make use of them at appropriate times.
If you are able to achieve the potential of your natural expression in this life, you are capable of much human understanding and have a lot to give to others. Your personal ambitions are likely to be maintained in a very positive perspective, never losing sight of an interest in people, and a sympathetic, tolerant, broad-minded and compassionate point of view. You are quite idealistic, and disappointed at the lack of perfection in the world. You have a strong awareness of your own feeling as well as those of others. Friendships, affection, and love are extremely important.
Undeveloped or ignored, the negative side of the 9 expression can be very selfish and self-centered. If you do not actively involve yourself with work that benefits others, you may tend to express just the opposite characteristics. It is your role to be very involved with other people and their needs, but it may be difficult for you achieve this role. Aloofness, lack of involvement, and a lack of sensitivity mark the low road of this expression.
Your Soul Urge number is: 6
A Soul Urge number of 6 means: With a number 6 Soul Urge, you would like to be appreciated for your ability to handle responsibility. Your home and family are likely to be a strong focus for you, perhaps the strongest focus of your life. Friendship, love, and affection are high on your list of priorities for a happy life. You have a lot of diplomatic tendencies in your makeup, as you a able to rectify and balance situations with an innate skill. You like working with people rather than by yourself. It is extremely important for you to have harmony in your environment at all times.
The positive side of the 6 Soul Urge produces a huge capacity for responsibility; you are always there and ready to assume more than your share of the load. If you possess positive 6 Soul Urges and express them, you are known for your generosity, understanding and deep sympathetic attitude. Strong 6 energy is very giving of love, affection, and emotional support. You may have the inclination to teach or serve your community in other idealistic ways. You have natural abilities to help people. You are also likely to have artistic and creative leanings.
If you have an over-supply of 6 energy in your makeup, you may express some of the negative traits common to this number. With such a strong sympathetic attitude, it is easy to become too emotional. Sometimes the desires to render help can be over done, and it can become interfering and an attitude that is too protective, rather than helpful. The person with too much 6 energy often finds that people tend to take advantage of this very giving spirit. You may tend to repress your own needs so that you can cater to the demands from others. At times, there may be a tendency in this, for becoming over-loaded with such demands, and as a result become resentful.
Your Inner Dream number is: 3
An Inner Dream number of 3 means: You dream of artistic expression; writing, painting, music. You would seek to more freely express your inner feeling and obtain more enjoyment from life. You also dream of being more popular, likable, and appreciated.
-- this thingie almost made me laugh... where do these people get this shit????
You entered: january kristi migalbin
There are 21 letters in your name.Those 21 letters total to 99. There are 8 vowels and 13 consonants in your name.
Your number is: 9
The characteristics of #9 are: Humanitarian, giving nature, selflessness, obligations, creative expression.
The expression or destiny for #9:The expression that you exhibit is represented bythe number 9. Your talents center in humanistic interests and approaches. You like to help others as you were intended to be the 'big brother or big sister' type. You operate best when you follow your feelings and sense of compassion, and allow yourself to be sensitive to the needs of others. You work well with people, and have the potential to inspire. This suggests that you could successfully teach or counsel. Creative ability, imagination and artistic talent (often latent) of the highest order are present in this expression. It's possible that you're not using or developing all of these capabilities at this time. Some of your talents may have been used at an earlier time in your life, and some may still be latent. Be aware of your capabilities, so that you can make use of them at appropriate times.
If you are able to achieve the potential of your natural expression in this life, you are capable of much human understanding and have a lot to give to others. Your personal ambitions are likely to be maintained in a very positive perspective, never losing sight of an interest in people, and a sympathetic, tolerant, broad-minded and compassionate point of view. You are quite idealistic, and disappointed at the lack of perfection in the world. You have a strong awareness of your own feeling as well as those of others. Friendships, affection, and love are extremely important.
Undeveloped or ignored, the negative side of the 9 expression can be very selfish and self-centered. If you do not actively involve yourself with work that benefits others, you may tend to express just the opposite characteristics. It is your role to be very involved with other people and their needs, but it may be difficult for you achieve this role. Aloofness, lack of involvement, and a lack of sensitivity mark the low road of this expression.
Your Soul Urge number is: 6
A Soul Urge number of 6 means: With a number 6 Soul Urge, you would like to be appreciated for your ability to handle responsibility. Your home and family are likely to be a strong focus for you, perhaps the strongest focus of your life. Friendship, love, and affection are high on your list of priorities for a happy life. You have a lot of diplomatic tendencies in your makeup, as you a able to rectify and balance situations with an innate skill. You like working with people rather than by yourself. It is extremely important for you to have harmony in your environment at all times.
The positive side of the 6 Soul Urge produces a huge capacity for responsibility; you are always there and ready to assume more than your share of the load. If you possess positive 6 Soul Urges and express them, you are known for your generosity, understanding and deep sympathetic attitude. Strong 6 energy is very giving of love, affection, and emotional support. You may have the inclination to teach or serve your community in other idealistic ways. You have natural abilities to help people. You are also likely to have artistic and creative leanings.
If you have an over-supply of 6 energy in your makeup, you may express some of the negative traits common to this number. With such a strong sympathetic attitude, it is easy to become too emotional. Sometimes the desires to render help can be over done, and it can become interfering and an attitude that is too protective, rather than helpful. The person with too much 6 energy often finds that people tend to take advantage of this very giving spirit. You may tend to repress your own needs so that you can cater to the demands from others. At times, there may be a tendency in this, for becoming over-loaded with such demands, and as a result become resentful.
Your Inner Dream number is: 3
An Inner Dream number of 3 means: You dream of artistic expression; writing, painting, music. You would seek to more freely express your inner feeling and obtain more enjoyment from life. You also dream of being more popular, likable, and appreciated.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
the eagle has landed in Merlion City (an introduction...)
after more 3 years of thinking and planning about this, i'm finally here. i've finally arrived in Singapore.
it took a lot of luck, tears, self-doubt, reflection, and faith to leave the comforts of home and be in a strange country.
more to come. i just need to finish some work. (me, work on weekends???? di ko naman ginagawa sa manila to ah...)
Thursday, April 05, 2007
My 28th Bday, and then after…
I’m writing this blog exactly 93 days after my birthday.
Since then, I’ve gained a lot insight, faced a lot of fears, and I could say that right now, while I’m writing this, I am acting my age.
But first, I think I need to write about that day.
As I have decided to go back to Manila on my bday so that I wouldn’t have to apply for a VL on Jan 3, I woke up early to do some final preparations before my 8am flight. I was barely able to wink because my brothers and I went driving around a neighboring village so that they could practice driving with me for the last time. Since it was new year, and into the wee hours of the morning, I risked letting them both drive into the highway and go to Shell Select in Ecoland. And since it was my birthday, we decided to get some coffee, junk food and cake to celebrate. We went home at around 2am.
I’ll stick to my plan, give it a shot, and see from there.
I’m writing this blog exactly 93 days after my birthday.
Since then, I’ve gained a lot insight, faced a lot of fears, and I could say that right now, while I’m writing this, I am acting my age.
But first, I think I need to write about that day.
As I have decided to go back to Manila on my bday so that I wouldn’t have to apply for a VL on Jan 3, I woke up early to do some final preparations before my 8am flight. I was barely able to wink because my brothers and I went driving around a neighboring village so that they could practice driving with me for the last time. Since it was new year, and into the wee hours of the morning, I risked letting them both drive into the highway and go to Shell Select in Ecoland. And since it was my birthday, we decided to get some coffee, junk food and cake to celebrate. We went home at around 2am.
The next day, I said goodbye to my still-asleep brothers, and went to the airport with mom. I saw Jenny Ong in the airport, on her way to Manila also.
Bucky still wasn’t in Manila so I had to take a cab home. After unloading my stuff, I wrestled between sleeping and giving myself a half-day-of-pampering in the spa. Realizing that I could in fact get some rest in the spa, I went to Greenbelt. I had a facial, massage, pedicure and foot scrub. It felt nice, though the massage was quite rough. I told myself that my spa-day was a treat to myself, being 28 and all. It was already dark when I finally got myself out of the spa. I heard mass in Greenbelt chapel, and had a quiet dinner by myself in Via Mare. I thought that I didn’t want to impose on anybody to spend dinner with me on my birthday. Besides, nobody of my close friends was in Manila.
Yes, by myself. It didn’t really bother me. Besides the practical side of the matter, meaning that none of my friends, including Bucky, were in Manila, I thought it “fit” to spend my 28th birthday by myself. Face my scary age head on.
When I was in high school, I thought that at 28, I’d be what I always wanted to be in life: successful, beautiful, wise, and I’d know how to dress, put on make up, and be fabulous. Even married with a kid or two. Thinking of it now, it seems I’m far from what I thought my life would be. But is that really scary, not having the life you think you’ll have? Is it really scary being 28 and be what I am now?
Maybe not. Maybe I thought wrong when I was younger. Right now, I don’t think I’ll be really happy if I were successful, or beautiful, or fabulous. Besides, how could I really measure these things? Does having a paycheck and a title make one successful? Do having clothes and shoes and bags and makeup make one beautiful and fabulous? Do these things matter?
Last February, when the reality of Paula and my supervisor’s departure finally hit me, I had a mini-panic attack. I thought that I wasn’t going anywhere, that I was just floating around. Maybe because 28 is so close to 30 and I haven’t done the things I have been wanting to do yet.
I’ll stick to my plan, give it a shot, and see from there.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Of monthsarries, valentine's, anniversarries & the 9-year itch...
It was Bucky & my 9th year anniversary as a couple last Mar 28. If I count the 6 months that we spent before becoming officially a “couple”, we’d have been together for 9 years and 6 months. Now, that is a long time. We quietly celebrated the occasion at Galileo, with pasta, cheese, cold cuts, wine, and each other’s company.
I feel so lucky to have him, so blessed that he found me, and relieved that I was able to knock some sense into my hard head 9 years ago. He allowed me to be myself, without making me feel like a fool or feel judged. He allowed me to be honest, to be scared, to be high-strung, a loose canon. I think in that way, he helped me find my way. He was never the person who’d put restrictions on me. I wasn’t given limitations on who to talk to, where to go, what to do. He just allowed me to be … myself, in my best, and even in my worst. He was there. And I never felt judged. He was always there.
For our January monthsarry, we went to have a hearty lunch/dinner at Steak MD. I’ve heard about this place from Bea who read about it in the internet. Knowing Bucky as a carnivore, I wanted to treat him with a heavy meal. And what a meal it was. The steak was cooked really well, and it wasn’t expensive compared to the steaks from other restaurants. Well, the steak from Antonio’s is a different story. We then had dessert coffee at Coffee Bean.
For our February celebration, it was more low key and casual. We just had dinner at home, bought coffee at Coffee Bean Valero, and spent walked around Jaime Velasquez Park until late in the evening. It was simple, cozy, and nice.
On Valentine’s Day, we had a dinner date at Galileo. We both had a great time, Bucky with the wine, and me with the dark chocolate & mint ice cream cake. We also had a serving of pasta, cheese, cold cuts, and wine each. We were so full, and yet it didn’t feel expensive. In fact, Bucky was able to order 4 glasses of wine with our dinner, and yet everything only cost us less than P1,500. 
We still have a long way to go. Marriage may be a sure possibility, but not soon. We both agreed on that. I guess the question is: could we still stand each other for 3-4 years more without the finality of marriage? I hope so. I was asked by friend how we could’ve stood each other. I think I told him that 3 things worked for us: no second guessing, talking, and laughter. So far, after more than 9 years of being together, we still have them. And each other.
Friday, March 16, 2007
LOVE...
i guess love is a lot of things. there is no line to cross, there is no one answer, no one definition. there is both good and bad. sometimes you think its irrational, and yet when you decide to love somebody, in whatever form or way, you know its the sanest decision you will ever make.
i think you'll know that you love somebody, and if that somebody loves you back. just like when you know that you're over someone and you're ready to move on. you don't need to be sure. if you have doubts, don't fret. even most married couples have doubts. but i guess the point is not NOT having doubts, because they'll never go away. the more important thing is asking how do you deal with them? do your doubts affect your fundamental beliefs? are you willing to comprise those?
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
excerpts from "Partners and Marriage"
by EDUARDO JOSE E. CALASANZ
I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.
The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages. Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side. This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.
Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other's company over the long term. If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.
Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.
We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams.
So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. There is a miracle in marriage.
Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed.
Two separate beings, two separate presences, two separate consciousness come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life.
Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains. But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one.
So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers.
If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth our patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom.
by EDUARDO JOSE E. CALASANZ
I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.
The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages. Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side. This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.
Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other's company over the long term. If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.
Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.
We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams.
So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. There is a miracle in marriage.
Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed.
Two separate beings, two separate presences, two separate consciousness come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life.
Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains. But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one.
So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers.
If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth our patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Manding
Manding arrived from the US for a medical mission in Morong, Rizal last Feb 8. As I was the closest relative in Manila, we spent most of our free time together, before and after her mission. I picked her up in the airport, let her sleep in my room, went with her to the parlor and spa(where I got a free hair treatment, pedicure and foot scrub, and a full body massage, thanks to Manding), and sent her off to her mission. Of course, Bucky was there too. Good thing that Manding brought dollars to keep us fed and full all the time, and from all our favorite expensive restos no less. ;-)
After she got out from her mission a week later, my aunts (cynthia, mimian) and lola arrived so we could all gather in Bulacan for a mini-reunion. And we did. The oldies did some catching up, ate, and distributed pasalubongs, and played with the kids.
There was an impromptu, unplanned suggestion that we spend a night in Fontana. Good thing Bucky agreed to go so I had a ride going there. We had lunch in flat, then spent the whole afternoon swimming in the pools. It was the first time that I had gone down from a very high pool slide. Exhilirating. Even Bucky had fun. Since we were the youngest in the group, we had an excuse to enjoy the slide over and over again. Just like kids.
We had a blast preparing dinner. There was no gas around the hose so we had to be creative in burning the coals. After smelling of smoke and grilled pork (and a minor debacle over missing salt which we were able to purchase outside the resort), we had a hearty dinner and long cold bath. Since we were too tired and sleepy, Bucky and I decided to spend the night and leave very early for work the next day.
The next weekend, we went to Tito Umpong's house to have dinner with everybody from Bulacan. It was chaos.
I had a great time spending time with my neurotic family. Being with them made me realize that a big part of who I am now is because of them, especially the women. When I was watching and listening to them talk, I could almost hear myself. It was funny in a weird way.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Thoughts from Down-under (part one)...
most recent on top
Paula and I have been writing to each other for the past week. I've been troubled by disturbing (not psychopathic though) thoughts lately. Being my shrink, she has always helped me put my head in the right direction. Now, I just have to figure out for myself if that's the direction I really want to take. Hahaha!
Thanks, Pau!
----- Original Message ----
From: January Kristi Migalbin
To: Paula Gamboa
Sent: Monday, February 12, 2007 1:20:04 PM
Subject: Re: Hi!
to be honest, i don't know if going away will make me happy. i know i won't be able to "complete" myself before getting married. but i do know that i want time for myself. i want it before getting married. and i want it soon. i know that if i don't have this, something will always be missing. and i will always look back at this.
i want to find myself again. i want to know what makes me what i am without him or anyone else.
its weird. being with bucky for this long changed me for the better. i know i am a better person now because i am with him. ive become more mature, less demanding of people, ive learned that it's ok to make mistakes and say sorry. ive learned to be happy. now i want to know myself as me. i want to know if i can stand up on my own. because i need to. it's good to have someone beside you. but i think it's better to know that you can stand up on your own. having someone beside you is just the bonus.
nobody becomes an expert in relationships, i think. even people in long relationships end up hurting each other or fall apart. i think you are in a better state now to have a relationship. you've come far. you've survived a heartache. and you say you are at peace with yourself. knowing who you are before getting into a relationship is a healthy start. you know what you want, and you know yourself enough to be able to make compromises with a partner without feeling "nalugi". and you'll know that if you ever get into a relationship, it will be for the right reasons.
Yes, we are indeed growing up. reading this whole thread is like reading a script in sex and the city. minus the string of boys and the never-ending sex. hahaha!
----- Original Message ----
From: Paula Gamboa
To: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Friday, February 9, 2007 7:54:27 AM
Subject: RE: Hi!
I am not an expert when it comes to relationships. Never been in one and I am seriously asking myself if I am built for committment. The thought of being with only one person is terrifying and comforting at the same time. I know there is no 'right one' but there is someone we will choose to stick it out with. I have not met that person. I never talked about it before but it does get weird having all your friends in relationships. I never gave it much thought but being here I have. It would be nice to come home to someone. It will be nice to have someone to do things together with. It will be nice to just sit back relax and know that you're in good company. I have reached a point when I think I know myself too much and enjoy being with me that I'm afraid I may get too used to it. I'd like to get into a relationship for the right reasons though. Not because I am lonely or because everyone else is in one.
I agree it's about completing yourself. For me being complete is when you are at peace with who you are and what you are about. I don't think you complete yourself at a certain age though. People grow up and it's a process of becoming :)
Do what you think will make you happy. And you know what? Only you can tell what will make you happy. From experience, you feel at peace when you know you've made the right choice for yourself. A lot of people will be affected by the decisions you make. But at the end of the day, you have to be able to live with yourself and the decisions you make for you. It sounds selfish but it's the truth. Other people don't make you happy - you ulitmately make the choice how other people's actions make you feel di ba? Other people mean well but we end up hurt - because we choose for their actions to hurt us.
Bucky has been there for what seems like forever. But you manage without him don't you? Whatever decision you make, it will affect your life. It's THE fork road everyone seems to talk about. My only advise is whatever you decide don't look back at what-could-have-been if you chose to do the other thing(s). Look forward to the what-could-be in the situation you chose to put yourself in.
We are growing up aren't we? :)
Keep in touch. I love getting mails from you - it keeps me connected to home :)
----- Original Message ----
From: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Thursday, 8 February 2007 3:45 PM
To: Paula Gamboa
Subject: Re: Hi!
hahaha! oo nga, reading your emails is like reading a philo paper. but its nice reading your emails. it calms me down. made me realize that there's much to be thankful for.
there are still things that i want to do, pero not as drastic as i thought necessary. there's still that nagging feeling of wanting more, or wanting something different. when i think of the reasons why i want to stay, the only thing i can think of is bucky. and i fear asking myself why i don't feel that he's not enough. i feel so guilty and confused when I start thinking about this. and i begin to ask myself: dont i love him enough? do i love him at all? is he the right person for me?
i do love him, and we feel "right" together. so why do I still feel this way?
i guess having someone to love (and who loves you back), cannot complete a person. you need to complete yourself. i think being away from Bucky is part of completing myself. i've been with him for the past 10 years. i cannot imagine myself without him. that thought scares me. i feel that i need to imagine myself without him. i dont want to be forever identified with another person.
take care, and thanks.
----- Original Message ----
From: Paula Gamboa
To: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Wednesday, February 7, 2007 8:10:34 AM
Subject: RE: Hi!
Hey there.....Hahahaha, I can knock some sense into you but can't seem to knock some sense in my own little brain sometimes :D But that's what friends are for right? We need to look out for each other =) Come visit soon! I hope I'll be good at driving on the freeway then we can travel to the other states by car.
I think it is difficult for people who leave someone behind. Again, it's about finding reasons to stay rather than leave. Some people can make that sacrifice. I am not one of those people. When I think of it I guess things kinda fell into place. I think the time I left was the right time. What I learned so far is the fact that lonely doesn't mean you are alone. You can be with so many people and still be lonely. I know it sounds crazy but I feel at peace. Alam mo yun feeling na the world is a beautiful place and you like waking up each day? When I have nothing to do, I walk. I normally end up in the supermarket getting stuff for the house. I like walking now. It gives me a sense of peace. I must sound like an old woman :P Pero I've never felt like this. It's far from perfect ...I've also realized perfect is too much. (Read my blog).
I learned that in life we have to take risks, even if it means getting hurt. That we need to recognize when we can't do something alone and need others to help us. But we should also know when to stop trying. There's a fine line between pursuing what you want and doing things to get it - and knowing that there are some things you just can't have.
Reading my mails feeling ko nagme-meron ako. hahahaha, may natutunan din ako sa ateneo
----- Original Message ----
From: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Tuesday, 6 February 2007 7:34 PM
To: Paula Gamboa
Subject: Re: Hi!
Thanks. you really have a way of knocking sense into me. after all, you're my shrink (whether u like it or not)! hahaha!
you're right, i need to think about my realities first before making a decision. i guess my judgement has been clouded by irrational fears or baseless needs or useless reasons. hahaha! we shall see. i'll be processing all these more thoroughly.
im so happy for you, that things are falling into place. im sure you'll have a great adventure down there. keep me posted. for now, i'll live vicariously through you. so post your pix!
take care
----- Original Message ----
From: Paula Gamboa
To: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Tuesday, February 6, 2007 1:24:56 PM
Subject: RE: Hi!
Australia is a nice country but from my point of view, you need a lot of money to stick it out here. You can't just show up here without money or a job. Some people do it and I reckon they make a lot of sacrifices to make both ends meet. If you are used to having everything you need whenever you want it, this is not the place to be. I know I said it's not about the money (why I chose this vs Singapore) but I am realising that money is important for survival. It is expensive to live here and to come over without guaranteed employment will be tough. You need to rent a house and furnish it at the same time. Furniture and appliances are expensive (especially if you buy what you really want instead of just buying whatever you see that is cheap). I don't regret coming out here but I sure am depleting my savings in the Philippines settling down.
My opinion is you need to think about what really matters to you. If you go to Australia or Singapore, you are risking a relationship. If you think it's worth it, go for it. Don't expect it will be easy and make sure you can live with yourself after you've made your decision. When you're away from home you start asking yourself why you left in the first place. Trust me, you need a pretty damn good reason to convince yourself to stick it out. The folks I'm with here from the Philippines don't like it here and talk about going home soon. I won't say this country is perfect but I am not thinking about going home yet. Because I know what I'm here for...and when I lie awake at night all alone in a big house (it's a 2 story townhouse) I still feel at peace with myself.
Living in another country isn't what it's cut out to be. I never thought I'd say that but it's true. It's a lot of hardwork, it's about re-building your life. It's about responsibility, it's about independence - but it's also about knowing that there are things you can't do alone. It's about putting a smile on your face even when you feel like shite, it's about initiating conversation with strangers hoping one of them will become your friend. It's about being comfortable being around yourself too much as you try to build that support system all over again. It's about knowing why you are away from home in the first place.
So think about it long and hard. If I had someone in the Philippines, I honestly don't think I'd be here. If I find someone here, I don't think I'd be coming home. It's about finding reasons to stay rather than finding reasons to leave I think.
That in a nutshell are my thoughts =P
----- Original Message ----
From: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Tuesday, 6 February 2007 3:48 PM
To: Paula GamboaS
ubject: Re: Hi!
i know, i know. pero either way, i could have regrets. i guess i just need to decide which course im gonna take and accept everything that comes along with it.
i'll edit my CV muna. how did u do yours? as in super detailed ng tasks per project na ginawa mo? mejo summarized version lang kasi un sa akin.
my ex-officemate, who just recently transferred there, sent me a belated bday greeting. naisip ko lang, sobrang malapit ko ng mag-30. napag-iisipan ko na ang future. kaya medyo magulo ang isip ko. Di ko alam ang gagawin ko sa buhay ko. I’ve been thinking hard about this lately. At gulong-gulo na ang isip ko. I really need other people’s opinions. Alam mo namang I want to work abroad kahit sandali lang before getting married.
HAY…..
Sorry ha, sinama kita dito sa gulo ko. Ewan ko ba. ganito talaga siguro ang tumatanda. Hope you can share your thoughts.
Ingat ka jan.
----- Original Message ----
From: Paula Gamboa
To: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Monday, February 5, 2007 12:48:41 PM
Subject: RE: Hi!
Hahahaha...I prefer boys :P Men to be exact. Hahahaha..'nuff said.
Don't live vicariously through others, it's waay better to live it yourself. And do what makes you happy then you have lesser what-ifs in life. Sometimes when we are impulsive we become better people.
You don't need a shrink...maybe you just need a couple of drinks :P
----- Original Message ----
From: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Thursday, 1 February 2007 3:27 PM
T o: Paula Gamboa
Subject: Re: Hi!
hi, glad to here you're finding your way there. ganyan talaga ang bagong lipat, especially if its a new place and you have no one close to hold on to. the good thing about that is you get to meet new people and make new friends (and you're away from dysfunctional family members. hehe)
im sure you wont do anything you'll regret. even if you do, ok lang yan. bata pa tayo. we're allowed to make mistakes sometimes. hehehe. so don't be too cautious. have fun, especially with boys! or girls, for that matter. whatever you like is fine with me. hehehe.
i have no more kwento. still the same: im a mess. im just floating around. and yes, i live vicariously thru you. because i know i cant will myself to do what you did. maybe i can, but i need to face the threat that i could lose bucky. and that will really devastate me. i know i want to live abroad for a while. kaya lang feeling ko i won't be able to, kasi i have only 3 years before we get married. it sounds bad, but i feel trapped. Im happy with Bucky and the life that we share. it's just that i always have this nagging feeling that i can do so much more than just get married and have kids. when i see that picture in my head, it feels like a dead-end. weird? sometimes i feel guilty that im wanting things for myself, and as a consequence making bucky feel that he's not enough to make me happy. maybe he isnt enough? is that bad? God, i need a shrink.
----- Original Message ----
From: Paula Gamboa
To: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Wednesday, January 31, 2007 6:40:31 AM
Subject: RE: Hi!
I'm enjoying it down under. Haha. Not much action going on but I did go out last night with the guy I met from the plane on the way over. I'm being good, haha. But I am having fun ;) Go figure. Don't worry I won't do anything I will regret, my brain is far smarter than my heart now. He kept me sane last week, he called almost every night (he was in Sydney then). He's leaving Saturday so I need to find another 'diversion' starting next week.
ps - why live vicariously through someone when you can do it yourself. something for you to think about :)
----- Original Message ----
From: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Tuesday, 30 January 2007 11:38 PM
To: Paula Gamboa
Subject: Re: Hi!
Hi! Finally, may office email ka na rin!
to be honest, i'm such a mess right now. i know what i want, pero feeling ko, there are so many obstacles and there are so many things i cannot control.
but enough about me. did u meet up with that certain officemate na? what's his name again? any juicy details? did u contact eyos na?
hope u get a house soon. take pictures at padalahan mo ako. i'll live vicariously thru you. hahaha!
most recent on top
Paula and I have been writing to each other for the past week. I've been troubled by disturbing (not psychopathic though) thoughts lately. Being my shrink, she has always helped me put my head in the right direction. Now, I just have to figure out for myself if that's the direction I really want to take. Hahaha!
Thanks, Pau!
----- Original Message ----
From: January Kristi Migalbin
To: Paula Gamboa
Sent: Monday, February 12, 2007 1:20:04 PM
Subject: Re: Hi!
to be honest, i don't know if going away will make me happy. i know i won't be able to "complete" myself before getting married. but i do know that i want time for myself. i want it before getting married. and i want it soon. i know that if i don't have this, something will always be missing. and i will always look back at this.
i want to find myself again. i want to know what makes me what i am without him or anyone else.
its weird. being with bucky for this long changed me for the better. i know i am a better person now because i am with him. ive become more mature, less demanding of people, ive learned that it's ok to make mistakes and say sorry. ive learned to be happy. now i want to know myself as me. i want to know if i can stand up on my own. because i need to. it's good to have someone beside you. but i think it's better to know that you can stand up on your own. having someone beside you is just the bonus.
nobody becomes an expert in relationships, i think. even people in long relationships end up hurting each other or fall apart. i think you are in a better state now to have a relationship. you've come far. you've survived a heartache. and you say you are at peace with yourself. knowing who you are before getting into a relationship is a healthy start. you know what you want, and you know yourself enough to be able to make compromises with a partner without feeling "nalugi". and you'll know that if you ever get into a relationship, it will be for the right reasons.
Yes, we are indeed growing up. reading this whole thread is like reading a script in sex and the city. minus the string of boys and the never-ending sex. hahaha!
----- Original Message ----
From: Paula Gamboa
To: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Friday, February 9, 2007 7:54:27 AM
Subject: RE: Hi!
I am not an expert when it comes to relationships. Never been in one and I am seriously asking myself if I am built for committment. The thought of being with only one person is terrifying and comforting at the same time. I know there is no 'right one' but there is someone we will choose to stick it out with. I have not met that person. I never talked about it before but it does get weird having all your friends in relationships. I never gave it much thought but being here I have. It would be nice to come home to someone. It will be nice to have someone to do things together with. It will be nice to just sit back relax and know that you're in good company. I have reached a point when I think I know myself too much and enjoy being with me that I'm afraid I may get too used to it. I'd like to get into a relationship for the right reasons though. Not because I am lonely or because everyone else is in one.
I agree it's about completing yourself. For me being complete is when you are at peace with who you are and what you are about. I don't think you complete yourself at a certain age though. People grow up and it's a process of becoming :)
Do what you think will make you happy. And you know what? Only you can tell what will make you happy. From experience, you feel at peace when you know you've made the right choice for yourself. A lot of people will be affected by the decisions you make. But at the end of the day, you have to be able to live with yourself and the decisions you make for you. It sounds selfish but it's the truth. Other people don't make you happy - you ulitmately make the choice how other people's actions make you feel di ba? Other people mean well but we end up hurt - because we choose for their actions to hurt us.
Bucky has been there for what seems like forever. But you manage without him don't you? Whatever decision you make, it will affect your life. It's THE fork road everyone seems to talk about. My only advise is whatever you decide don't look back at what-could-have-been if you chose to do the other thing(s). Look forward to the what-could-be in the situation you chose to put yourself in.
We are growing up aren't we? :)
Keep in touch. I love getting mails from you - it keeps me connected to home :)
----- Original Message ----
From: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Thursday, 8 February 2007 3:45 PM
To: Paula Gamboa
Subject: Re: Hi!
hahaha! oo nga, reading your emails is like reading a philo paper. but its nice reading your emails. it calms me down. made me realize that there's much to be thankful for.
there are still things that i want to do, pero not as drastic as i thought necessary. there's still that nagging feeling of wanting more, or wanting something different. when i think of the reasons why i want to stay, the only thing i can think of is bucky. and i fear asking myself why i don't feel that he's not enough. i feel so guilty and confused when I start thinking about this. and i begin to ask myself: dont i love him enough? do i love him at all? is he the right person for me?
i do love him, and we feel "right" together. so why do I still feel this way?
i guess having someone to love (and who loves you back), cannot complete a person. you need to complete yourself. i think being away from Bucky is part of completing myself. i've been with him for the past 10 years. i cannot imagine myself without him. that thought scares me. i feel that i need to imagine myself without him. i dont want to be forever identified with another person.
take care, and thanks.
----- Original Message ----
From: Paula Gamboa
To: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Wednesday, February 7, 2007 8:10:34 AM
Subject: RE: Hi!
Hey there.....Hahahaha, I can knock some sense into you but can't seem to knock some sense in my own little brain sometimes :D But that's what friends are for right? We need to look out for each other =) Come visit soon! I hope I'll be good at driving on the freeway then we can travel to the other states by car.
I think it is difficult for people who leave someone behind. Again, it's about finding reasons to stay rather than leave. Some people can make that sacrifice. I am not one of those people. When I think of it I guess things kinda fell into place. I think the time I left was the right time. What I learned so far is the fact that lonely doesn't mean you are alone. You can be with so many people and still be lonely. I know it sounds crazy but I feel at peace. Alam mo yun feeling na the world is a beautiful place and you like waking up each day? When I have nothing to do, I walk. I normally end up in the supermarket getting stuff for the house. I like walking now. It gives me a sense of peace. I must sound like an old woman :P Pero I've never felt like this. It's far from perfect ...I've also realized perfect is too much. (Read my blog).
I learned that in life we have to take risks, even if it means getting hurt. That we need to recognize when we can't do something alone and need others to help us. But we should also know when to stop trying. There's a fine line between pursuing what you want and doing things to get it - and knowing that there are some things you just can't have.
Reading my mails feeling ko nagme-meron ako. hahahaha, may natutunan din ako sa ateneo
----- Original Message ----
From: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Tuesday, 6 February 2007 7:34 PM
To: Paula Gamboa
Subject: Re: Hi!
Thanks. you really have a way of knocking sense into me. after all, you're my shrink (whether u like it or not)! hahaha!
you're right, i need to think about my realities first before making a decision. i guess my judgement has been clouded by irrational fears or baseless needs or useless reasons. hahaha! we shall see. i'll be processing all these more thoroughly.
im so happy for you, that things are falling into place. im sure you'll have a great adventure down there. keep me posted. for now, i'll live vicariously through you. so post your pix!
take care
----- Original Message ----
From: Paula Gamboa
To: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Tuesday, February 6, 2007 1:24:56 PM
Subject: RE: Hi!
Australia is a nice country but from my point of view, you need a lot of money to stick it out here. You can't just show up here without money or a job. Some people do it and I reckon they make a lot of sacrifices to make both ends meet. If you are used to having everything you need whenever you want it, this is not the place to be. I know I said it's not about the money (why I chose this vs Singapore) but I am realising that money is important for survival. It is expensive to live here and to come over without guaranteed employment will be tough. You need to rent a house and furnish it at the same time. Furniture and appliances are expensive (especially if you buy what you really want instead of just buying whatever you see that is cheap). I don't regret coming out here but I sure am depleting my savings in the Philippines settling down.
My opinion is you need to think about what really matters to you. If you go to Australia or Singapore, you are risking a relationship. If you think it's worth it, go for it. Don't expect it will be easy and make sure you can live with yourself after you've made your decision. When you're away from home you start asking yourself why you left in the first place. Trust me, you need a pretty damn good reason to convince yourself to stick it out. The folks I'm with here from the Philippines don't like it here and talk about going home soon. I won't say this country is perfect but I am not thinking about going home yet. Because I know what I'm here for...and when I lie awake at night all alone in a big house (it's a 2 story townhouse) I still feel at peace with myself.
Living in another country isn't what it's cut out to be. I never thought I'd say that but it's true. It's a lot of hardwork, it's about re-building your life. It's about responsibility, it's about independence - but it's also about knowing that there are things you can't do alone. It's about putting a smile on your face even when you feel like shite, it's about initiating conversation with strangers hoping one of them will become your friend. It's about being comfortable being around yourself too much as you try to build that support system all over again. It's about knowing why you are away from home in the first place.
So think about it long and hard. If I had someone in the Philippines, I honestly don't think I'd be here. If I find someone here, I don't think I'd be coming home. It's about finding reasons to stay rather than finding reasons to leave I think.
That in a nutshell are my thoughts =P
----- Original Message ----
From: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Tuesday, 6 February 2007 3:48 PM
To: Paula GamboaS
ubject: Re: Hi!
i know, i know. pero either way, i could have regrets. i guess i just need to decide which course im gonna take and accept everything that comes along with it.
i'll edit my CV muna. how did u do yours? as in super detailed ng tasks per project na ginawa mo? mejo summarized version lang kasi un sa akin.
my ex-officemate, who just recently transferred there, sent me a belated bday greeting. naisip ko lang, sobrang malapit ko ng mag-30. napag-iisipan ko na ang future. kaya medyo magulo ang isip ko. Di ko alam ang gagawin ko sa buhay ko. I’ve been thinking hard about this lately. At gulong-gulo na ang isip ko. I really need other people’s opinions. Alam mo namang I want to work abroad kahit sandali lang before getting married.
HAY…..
Sorry ha, sinama kita dito sa gulo ko. Ewan ko ba. ganito talaga siguro ang tumatanda. Hope you can share your thoughts.
Ingat ka jan.
----- Original Message ----
From: Paula Gamboa
To: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Monday, February 5, 2007 12:48:41 PM
Subject: RE: Hi!
Hahahaha...I prefer boys :P Men to be exact. Hahahaha..'nuff said.
Don't live vicariously through others, it's waay better to live it yourself. And do what makes you happy then you have lesser what-ifs in life. Sometimes when we are impulsive we become better people.
You don't need a shrink...maybe you just need a couple of drinks :P
----- Original Message ----
From: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Thursday, 1 February 2007 3:27 PM
T o: Paula Gamboa
Subject: Re: Hi!
hi, glad to here you're finding your way there. ganyan talaga ang bagong lipat, especially if its a new place and you have no one close to hold on to. the good thing about that is you get to meet new people and make new friends (and you're away from dysfunctional family members. hehe)
im sure you wont do anything you'll regret. even if you do, ok lang yan. bata pa tayo. we're allowed to make mistakes sometimes. hehehe. so don't be too cautious. have fun, especially with boys! or girls, for that matter. whatever you like is fine with me. hehehe.
i have no more kwento. still the same: im a mess. im just floating around. and yes, i live vicariously thru you. because i know i cant will myself to do what you did. maybe i can, but i need to face the threat that i could lose bucky. and that will really devastate me. i know i want to live abroad for a while. kaya lang feeling ko i won't be able to, kasi i have only 3 years before we get married. it sounds bad, but i feel trapped. Im happy with Bucky and the life that we share. it's just that i always have this nagging feeling that i can do so much more than just get married and have kids. when i see that picture in my head, it feels like a dead-end. weird? sometimes i feel guilty that im wanting things for myself, and as a consequence making bucky feel that he's not enough to make me happy. maybe he isnt enough? is that bad? God, i need a shrink.
----- Original Message ----
From: Paula Gamboa
To: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Wednesday, January 31, 2007 6:40:31 AM
Subject: RE: Hi!
I'm enjoying it down under. Haha. Not much action going on but I did go out last night with the guy I met from the plane on the way over. I'm being good, haha. But I am having fun ;) Go figure. Don't worry I won't do anything I will regret, my brain is far smarter than my heart now. He kept me sane last week, he called almost every night (he was in Sydney then). He's leaving Saturday so I need to find another 'diversion' starting next week.
ps - why live vicariously through someone when you can do it yourself. something for you to think about :)
----- Original Message ----
From: January Kristi Migalbin
Sent: Tuesday, 30 January 2007 11:38 PM
To: Paula Gamboa
Subject: Re: Hi!
Hi! Finally, may office email ka na rin!
to be honest, i'm such a mess right now. i know what i want, pero feeling ko, there are so many obstacles and there are so many things i cannot control.
but enough about me. did u meet up with that certain officemate na? what's his name again? any juicy details? did u contact eyos na?
hope u get a house soon. take pictures at padalahan mo ako. i'll live vicariously thru you. hahaha!
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Standing on a cliff...
have you ever had the feeling that you were walking towards a cliff? you have just begun to realize that you were walking towards it, and so you feel scared. you panic. and yet you cannot stop walking towards the cliff, because you've been trying to get there for the longest time. and when you suddenly realize that you don't want to fall just yet, you don't know what to do, whether to continue walking towards the cliff or run away from it.
you're scared, and yet you still continue walking. you are afraid, short of breath. there's nobody to help you, nobody to tell you what to do. you reach the edge of the cliff and look down below. nothing is clear, but you know its going to be different down there.
but there are so many things you don't know. will it be better down there? will somebody save you? will you survive the crash? if indeed you survive, can go back to the place from where you jumped? if you don't jump, can you live with the fact that you didn't? will you stop thinking of the what-ifs? why will you not jump in the first place?
if someone was with you walking towards the cliff, will you ask him to jump with you? what if he doesn't want to jump after all? will u leave him? will you ask him to wait? will you come back? will you be happy without him?
there are so many things to be afraid of, so many things unknown. and yet you find yourself at the edge of the cliff.
what will you do?
have you ever had the feeling that you were walking towards a cliff? you have just begun to realize that you were walking towards it, and so you feel scared. you panic. and yet you cannot stop walking towards the cliff, because you've been trying to get there for the longest time. and when you suddenly realize that you don't want to fall just yet, you don't know what to do, whether to continue walking towards the cliff or run away from it.
you're scared, and yet you still continue walking. you are afraid, short of breath. there's nobody to help you, nobody to tell you what to do. you reach the edge of the cliff and look down below. nothing is clear, but you know its going to be different down there.
but there are so many things you don't know. will it be better down there? will somebody save you? will you survive the crash? if indeed you survive, can go back to the place from where you jumped? if you don't jump, can you live with the fact that you didn't? will you stop thinking of the what-ifs? why will you not jump in the first place?
if someone was with you walking towards the cliff, will you ask him to jump with you? what if he doesn't want to jump after all? will u leave him? will you ask him to wait? will you come back? will you be happy without him?
there are so many things to be afraid of, so many things unknown. and yet you find yourself at the edge of the cliff.
what will you do?
Sunday, February 04, 2007
A-little-over-quarter-life Crisis...
I find myself once again here at OM (overlooking Marikina) of the AdMU school grounds. When I was in college, I often came here to relieve myself of jitters, nerves, anxiety and everything-else-in-between caused by the demands of university life: never-ending papers and presentations, terror professors, surviving a real date, midterms, seeing an F, nursing a broken heart, thesis, orals, and all that. Looking over the distant Marikina, with the quiet cemetery very obvious and very bare, I would often count how many McDonalds signs I could find. Knowing that they were always there, relieved me. Yes, it relieved me.
Funny. I find myself once again here at OM. Yet, it is not college life that led me here, for that life has been over for almost 7 years. Now that I am here again, I wish I had those troubles again. After I graduated, I thought that life would be smooth, that everything would go as planned: get a good-paying job, move up the corporate ladder, save money, travel a little, buy a car, help the family, save money, get married and have kids. And yet, I find myself once again here at OM. And I can’t even begin to think what’s troubling me. I fear that if I think it out loud, or write it down, it would come true, it would be real. And dealing with it would cause much distress that I don’t want to face.
I find myself once again here at OM.
Seven years after college, and I am now 28 years old. Two more years before I reach 30. To people younger than me (especially my officemates), I am ancient. I am at the acceptable marrying age. To people older than me, I am still young, independent, and care-free. I feel that I am neither. At 28, I just feel mostly … trapped.
In my mind, I am still very young. I get freaked out at the thought of being married, of having responsibilities, of having kids, of a lifetime being mature. It seems very tiring. And yet, I also feel old. People whom I’ve known since college, or people my age in the office are getting married, having kids, buying houses and cars.
I know I still want to do things on my own: be independent, buy shoes/bags/clothes/gizmos, as well as travel, without second thoughts or guilt, make decisions without seriously affecting another person’s life, get drunk and have a hangover, have chips and ice cream for breakfast, take up an adventure sport or hobby (like diving or wall climbing).
But. But, I know I have to think about saving and investing money, buying real estate, seriously consider the dangers of childbirth during late 30’s (especially that most of my aunts from my dad’s side all got married late, and as a result, had or are having pre/post natal problems), raising a child, growing old alone, or growing old with one person for the rest of my life…
I don’t want to be mature, and yet, I cannot afford to not act my age. It’s like going through puberty once again. I don’t know if I’m a kid or an adult. I don’t know if I should take myself too seriously or not.
Maybe I’m just in this rut because of my state of mind. Maybe my notions of shallow independence vs. marriage are not as cracked up as I think they are. Maybe I can be 30 (or more), and still be youthful. Maybe I can be mature and still have fun (well, clean fun). Maybe it’s OK to go crazy sometimes and make mistakes when you’re over 30.
Or maybe I’m just plain crazy.
I find myself once again here at OM.
I think I need to go home.
I find myself once again here at OM (overlooking Marikina) of the AdMU school grounds. When I was in college, I often came here to relieve myself of jitters, nerves, anxiety and everything-else-in-between caused by the demands of university life: never-ending papers and presentations, terror professors, surviving a real date, midterms, seeing an F, nursing a broken heart, thesis, orals, and all that. Looking over the distant Marikina, with the quiet cemetery very obvious and very bare, I would often count how many McDonalds signs I could find. Knowing that they were always there, relieved me. Yes, it relieved me.
Funny. I find myself once again here at OM. Yet, it is not college life that led me here, for that life has been over for almost 7 years. Now that I am here again, I wish I had those troubles again. After I graduated, I thought that life would be smooth, that everything would go as planned: get a good-paying job, move up the corporate ladder, save money, travel a little, buy a car, help the family, save money, get married and have kids. And yet, I find myself once again here at OM. And I can’t even begin to think what’s troubling me. I fear that if I think it out loud, or write it down, it would come true, it would be real. And dealing with it would cause much distress that I don’t want to face.
I find myself once again here at OM.
Seven years after college, and I am now 28 years old. Two more years before I reach 30. To people younger than me (especially my officemates), I am ancient. I am at the acceptable marrying age. To people older than me, I am still young, independent, and care-free. I feel that I am neither. At 28, I just feel mostly … trapped.
In my mind, I am still very young. I get freaked out at the thought of being married, of having responsibilities, of having kids, of a lifetime being mature. It seems very tiring. And yet, I also feel old. People whom I’ve known since college, or people my age in the office are getting married, having kids, buying houses and cars.
I know I still want to do things on my own: be independent, buy shoes/bags/clothes/gizmos, as well as travel, without second thoughts or guilt, make decisions without seriously affecting another person’s life, get drunk and have a hangover, have chips and ice cream for breakfast, take up an adventure sport or hobby (like diving or wall climbing).
But. But, I know I have to think about saving and investing money, buying real estate, seriously consider the dangers of childbirth during late 30’s (especially that most of my aunts from my dad’s side all got married late, and as a result, had or are having pre/post natal problems), raising a child, growing old alone, or growing old with one person for the rest of my life…
I don’t want to be mature, and yet, I cannot afford to not act my age. It’s like going through puberty once again. I don’t know if I’m a kid or an adult. I don’t know if I should take myself too seriously or not.
Maybe I’m just in this rut because of my state of mind. Maybe my notions of shallow independence vs. marriage are not as cracked up as I think they are. Maybe I can be 30 (or more), and still be youthful. Maybe I can be mature and still have fun (well, clean fun). Maybe it’s OK to go crazy sometimes and make mistakes when you’re over 30.
Or maybe I’m just plain crazy.
I find myself once again here at OM.
I think I need to go home.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Quotable Quotes from Grey's Anatomy ... (I so love this series!)
"From now on, you can expect that I’m gonna show even if I yell, even if you yell. Im always gonna show up"
-- Derek to Meredith
"I was right. I swear I really believed what I did was right. I don’t want you to forgive me. Frankly, I’ll find it patronizing if you did because while I know I was right, you think I’m wrong. Which doesn’t matter because I’m in this. I’m in this for the long haul. I’m in this to finish the race. So if it means I don’t win this one, then fine, I don’t win. You win."
-- Christina to Burke
"From now on, you can expect that I’m gonna show even if I yell, even if you yell. Im always gonna show up"
-- Derek to Meredith
"I was right. I swear I really believed what I did was right. I don’t want you to forgive me. Frankly, I’ll find it patronizing if you did because while I know I was right, you think I’m wrong. Which doesn’t matter because I’m in this. I’m in this for the long haul. I’m in this to finish the race. So if it means I don’t win this one, then fine, I don’t win. You win."
-- Christina to Burke
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Holidays in Davao
If I was stressed out during the holidays in Manila, I was more stressed out with my holidays in Davao.
> Momi Katie, my grandmother’s sister-in-law, died last Dec22 I think. So everyone in Kidapawan and other relatetives in Davao and beyond came to pay respects. It became a reunion of sorts. She was buried on Dec 29. Mom, being her usual self, was hell-bent, though in denial, na makisawsaw sa program. I’m sure her help was appreciated. But I got dragged into the whole thing, which aggravated my stress. I helped prepare the powerpoint presentation for the eulogy. Family issues and dysfunction aside, I was grateful to have had time to hang out with my family and relatives.
> Momi Katie, my grandmother’s sister-in-law, died last Dec22 I think. So everyone in Kidapawan and other relatetives in Davao and beyond came to pay respects. It became a reunion of sorts. She was buried on Dec 29. Mom, being her usual self, was hell-bent, though in denial, na makisawsaw sa program. I’m sure her help was appreciated. But I got dragged into the whole thing, which aggravated my stress. I helped prepare the powerpoint presentation for the eulogy. Family issues and dysfunction aside, I was grateful to have had time to hang out with my family and relatives.
> We finally bought an old, yet fully functional, Mitsubishi sedan. Since nobody knew how to drive a stick-shift, I was the designated driver the whole time I was home. I took everybody to their errands: mom to do the grocery & pick up stuff at school, drive lola & the family to and from Momi Katie’s wake, teach Og & Onch how to drive, drive dad or his lunch to and from the airport, go to mass, etc. It was very tiring. I made a resolution not to underestimate the stress from driving, especially if Bucky’s the one driving.
> Dad’s siblings, and their respective spouses and children, celebrated Noche Buena with us. We wrapped small gifts for the children & oldies alike, stacked them under the Christmas tree, and prepared the food. The kids had a great time distributing and opening their gifts. It was a very long and tiring, but happy day.
> Dad’s siblings, and their respective spouses and children, celebrated Noche Buena with us. We wrapped small gifts for the children & oldies alike, stacked them under the Christmas tree, and prepared the food. The kids had a great time distributing and opening their gifts. It was a very long and tiring, but happy day.
> A day before the burial, we all went to Costa Marina for some sun and a blast in the beach. The kids had so much fun playing with a big spiky, orange starfish, my camera, and the rental salbabida that 8 hours of horsing under the sun was not enough.
> 2006 was my high school batch’s 10th graduation anniversary. Months before the event, some batchmates residing in Davao planned the whole thing. I contributed by suggesting to have an “awarding” ceremony for the batch. It was fun, we had different awards like “first love never dies”, “hot momma”, “who’s your daddy?”, and a lot more. People had fun choosing the candidates, and applauding the winners.
> New Year. Mom and I bought groceries again for the New Year. We heard mass in St. Paul and headed home to prepare. Since it was Daddy Lando’s first holiday without Mommy Kates, Lola wanted to be with him. So after mass, I, together with mom and dad, drove lola to Maa, initially having negotiated that we stay there till before midnight only. But of course, she changed her mind while we were there. She didn’t want to go home. So Mom, Dad and I went back home, prayed, and celebrated media noche. At around 2am, I went back to Maa and fetched lola. At around 4am, dad woke me up so that I could drive him to the airport. Talk about holiday stress. Hay, it was one of the most stressful Christmas I had. And I thought the car was supposed to make my life easier in Davao. But all’s well, minsan lang naman ako nasa Davao and help around the house.
For this year, majority of us in the family (everybody except mom) wanted to have a “jologs” family portrait, sans pambahay and no makeup. Nainis si mom, but what the heck, we did it anyway.
We also spent the New Year lunch at Daddy Toots house in the northern part of Davao. It was even farther than the airport. He had a cute puppy.
I went back to Manila the next day, which was by the way, my bday.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Divisoria madness (!)
One weekend, Bucky, VC and I braved the Divisoria xmas madness despite a serious threat of migraine due to lack of sleep (we played poker the night before). Scared of the jeeps and getting lost, we left early, like 7am. We almost got lost, thanks to my navigation skills (or the lack thereof), but were able to arrive in Divisoria before 8am. Thankfully, there was more than enough parking in Tutuban Mall when we arrived.
We rushed to Mall 168 since it was the only open place early in the morning. The air was still crisp & cold, but the streets were already getting busy, shoppers eagerly rushing to 168, street hawkers hurriedly setting up their wares. It was a first for VC, and also for Bucky after 4 years, and they took it in full-blast. The mall itself was in frenzy. Besides tinderas and shoppers haggling, there was also a dragon dance going around the whole building that made the place livelier. We left 168 Mall at around 10am, by then, the streets have gone alive. People were literally swarming everywhere. With much bumping & smell of human sweat, we crossed the alley going back to Tutuban Mall.
I promised myself not to spend too much, which after less than a hour, gleefully broke. The lure of discount shopping was just too much. I consoled myself in the fact that I was able to buy a lot of stuff and Christmas gifts with just a little money. As compared to shopping in a normal mall. Nothing beats Divisoria.
One weekend, Bucky, VC and I braved the Divisoria xmas madness despite a serious threat of migraine due to lack of sleep (we played poker the night before). Scared of the jeeps and getting lost, we left early, like 7am. We almost got lost, thanks to my navigation skills (or the lack thereof), but were able to arrive in Divisoria before 8am. Thankfully, there was more than enough parking in Tutuban Mall when we arrived.
We rushed to Mall 168 since it was the only open place early in the morning. The air was still crisp & cold, but the streets were already getting busy, shoppers eagerly rushing to 168, street hawkers hurriedly setting up their wares. It was a first for VC, and also for Bucky after 4 years, and they took it in full-blast. The mall itself was in frenzy. Besides tinderas and shoppers haggling, there was also a dragon dance going around the whole building that made the place livelier. We left 168 Mall at around 10am, by then, the streets have gone alive. People were literally swarming everywhere. With much bumping & smell of human sweat, we crossed the alley going back to Tutuban Mall.
I promised myself not to spend too much, which after less than a hour, gleefully broke. The lure of discount shopping was just too much. I consoled myself in the fact that I was able to buy a lot of stuff and Christmas gifts with just a little money. As compared to shopping in a normal mall. Nothing beats Divisoria.
Playing poker ...
at Eric’s house. I lost 2 rounds = P100 cost for the night.
We started playing poker last September, I think. Bucky was so eager to play. He learned the rules by watching World Poker Tour on tv, and playing party poker. Anthony, Nina’s boyfriend, had a set of chips so we organized a game, with only Anthony having the most experience. Ever since that first game, we played every Friday, inviting more and more people to join. The most regular players are me, Bucky, VC, Anthony, Nina, Eric, Dino S. Recent additions included Cris Cabigao and gf, and Melissa. We used to play at Good Earth Roasts in Rockwell, but tonight, we decided to have the game at Eric’s place’s rooftop. The waiters have been showing meanness, mostly because we don’t give a tip, unlike Peachy’s group which gives P200 tip per night aside from the buckets of beer and food.
The game bores me most of time, making me impatient and not mindful of my hand. But I do appreciate the interaction of the players and reading betting behavior. It just takes too long sometimes. We usually start at around 9pm and end at 3am the next day. Kakapagod at puyat. I have only won one game ever since we started, mainly because of my impatience.
at Eric’s house. I lost 2 rounds = P100 cost for the night.
We started playing poker last September, I think. Bucky was so eager to play. He learned the rules by watching World Poker Tour on tv, and playing party poker. Anthony, Nina’s boyfriend, had a set of chips so we organized a game, with only Anthony having the most experience. Ever since that first game, we played every Friday, inviting more and more people to join. The most regular players are me, Bucky, VC, Anthony, Nina, Eric, Dino S. Recent additions included Cris Cabigao and gf, and Melissa. We used to play at Good Earth Roasts in Rockwell, but tonight, we decided to have the game at Eric’s place’s rooftop. The waiters have been showing meanness, mostly because we don’t give a tip, unlike Peachy’s group which gives P200 tip per night aside from the buckets of beer and food.
The game bores me most of time, making me impatient and not mindful of my hand. But I do appreciate the interaction of the players and reading betting behavior. It just takes too long sometimes. We usually start at around 9pm and end at 3am the next day. Kakapagod at puyat. I have only won one game ever since we started, mainly because of my impatience.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Christmas Parties!
I was stressed out last Christmas. I wasn’t complaining that there were too many parties to go to, it’s just hard to get up the next day, especially if the party was held during a weekday. We had one for our group, then for the whole IT, then for the whole Smart. In hindsight, I feel grateful for a very fruitful year with S. The company had been very generous for the past year.
The S&P was surprisingly fun. Our theme was “The Prom”, so we brought our dresses, makeup, and high-heeled shoes. The newbies prepared funny presentations, which bought the house down. There was the prom king & queen awarding and, of course, the exchanging of gifts. I got a wireless mouse & keyboard! The tequila and beer were overflowing. I was to go home with Moby, who was drunk and seriously dressing a crush on Ms. Beautiful. After finding him dozing off at the female’s dressing room, we went home, together with Collie. I found out the day after that he doesn’t remember how he was able to drop Collie and how he got home. Crazy dude.
The IT Xmast Party’s theme was “Rockista”. So there was a competition for best Rockista get-up. Newbies from different IT groups also made “presentations”. Even newbie manager Sir Jay Sulangi, donned on a madonna-inspired outfit! It was fun cheering for our newbies and watching them making a fool of themselves. Hahaha!
Smart Corp xmas party was much funner because of the bonus announcement. Harharhar. IT dept bagged the 2nd place of the Christmas presentations done by the employees. There were celebrities (I had a pix taken with Maverick and James, a hottie ex-Smartee Pinoy Idol contender!) and NLN!
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