REMEMBERING 2003 – 2004
(which I seem to have lost to depression, stress, travel, fun, stress (again)…)

I’ve renewed my gusto to blog. All because of the fact that I already know how to insert pix. Haha!

It took me almost a month to collect memories & pictures from the past 2 years…

Since, my blog hasn’t been updated since 2003, let me review & document the events of the past 2 years (gosh, 2 years!):

July 2003: Bucky’s Bar review, jobhunting, AIU

Got interviewed and accepted at American International Underwriters. AIU is AIG’s non-life insurance group. The AIU office here in Manila is not actually the frontline. Manila RTC (Regional Technology Center) is the IT group supporting all AIU production/sales offices in Asia. Development for applications needed & mandated by AIG head office happens here. I was thoroughly pleased by the monetary offer. However, they told me that AIU cannot hire me directly, hence, my assignment in an agency, IPI. I was disappointed because being assigned to an agency is like working as a consultant. Meaning, neither AIU nor IPI, pays for my SSS, Philhealth, Pag-Ibig, etc. But then, did I really care? Not at that time. I just wanted a job that was core-IT and I got it. Besides, I didn’t have deductions. So I didn’t really complain. Well…

Bucky was reviewing for the bar at this time. I was his yaya, kusinera, masahista, nanay, student driver - to name a few. It was a hard time for me. Though I had so much free time, and I could do whatever I want and have to wake up at 6am to prepare for work, I was constantly depressed because I was so insecure with myself while jobhunting. I felt that I didn’t have the skills, or the experience, for jobs I was aiming for. I was always writing in my journal, looking out the balcony of Bucky’s pad at the Bel-Air Apartments in Burgos. Constantly wondering and regretting the bad decisions I made in that past (working for CCI, turning down an interview with Accenture the 1st time, rotting in CCI for 3 yrs, discovering that an MSCS isn’t what I need to jumpstart my non-existent career) that ultimately led me to my present reality and leading me towards a foggy future. I even considered being a caregiver. Yes, I was that desperate. But I trudged on, searching for jobs in the internet, going to jobfairs, constantly revising my resume. I even accepted a position in a call center as a Technical rep. I attended the graveyard trainings, to Bucky’s dismay. It was such a hassle for both of us. I felt that it was an act of desperation, the pay wasn’t really good and the work conditions suck (imagine having to be awake from 9pm-5am while everybody is asleep; and sleeping with the sun on your face. Not again.). This was also the time when my family and I found out that my father, (yes, my very strict and unbendable-as-a-rod father) is having a freakin' affair, that my mother is breaking down, and we had to pretend everything was OK for the sake of my youngest brother. Everything was in a disarray. Pinagkuluban ako ng mundo. Natutulog ba ang Diyos?

Then the offer from AIU came, surprisingly. In my state then, I was very grateful for having received such an offer, even if it wasn’t thoroughly satisfactory. I took the job. The pay was good and I was already assigned to a project for Hongkong. I was psyched. I was blind. I just wanted to have a job.

Before I started working in AIU, I had to be in 2 weddings: First was Aunty Neneng’s. They had it in Kidapawan. And since, it was Aunty Neneng’s wedding, it was such a big deal, especially to all those who know her. Which was practically everybody in Kidapawan. She’s been single for the longest time after she and Tito Eric broke up because he knocked up a girl silly. My first encounter of men’s weakness. So it was such chaos, with everybody dabbling their fingers in the wedding preparations. “My Big Fat Pinoy Wedding” ito. I didn’t really help with the actual preparations. I just made sure that the small kids were not in the way. Unfortunately, I was the maid of honor and my dress was too tight. And I had to assist in the actual wedding ceremonies like hold the mic while they were reading their vows of 2 pages long, which 1 was missing. Good thing the priest’s copy was complete. It was tiring but fun.

Then it was Momi Indz’s wedding in Bulacan. It was also chaos. Bucky agreed to go & drive my family to Pandi. The whole Delima family was divided between Manay’s & Mama Del’s house. It was my official introduction of Bucky to the family. He was OK. They all knew that he was taking the law studies and was gonna be a lawyer. So, they have nothing else to say. I was supposed to be the maid of honor. But Tita Daylet was able to go home for the wedding so I was demoted to being a bridesmaid. Thank God. The reception was held at the gymnasium of the school, which was quite big and airy so I had no complaints. The food was also great. We had our pictures taken and it was past midnight when we crashed on the carpet of Manay’s TV room. There was no other place to sleep in the house because all the rooms were full. Good thing the carpet was thick and there was still extra blankets. Bucky was very cool about the whole thing.

The older people in the family also talked to Mom & Dad regarding their problem. Another experience of men’s weakness. [Just how may times do women have to deal with this???] Dad lied about his intention of breaking up with his mistress. Mom didn’t trust him. And I got passionately pissed off at both of them, I practically shouted. At that moment, it was all in vain. I just wanted them to be apart than experience the pain of it all. Honestly, I didn’t want to be part of their problem. Too much baggage. They went home the day after the wedding. Og and Onchie stayed for 2 more days, I think. We went to Greenhills to buy PS2 games. I had fun going around with them.

Aug 2003: start of my AIU experience

I officially started Aug 4, I think. The office was nice. AIU just moved in PBCom so everything was new, from the carpets, to the paneling, tables and chairs. And it had the best view. Imagine seeing the burning sky during sunset over Manila bay everyday. It was one of the perks I enjoyed most. I met a lot of new people, even one who was an MIS grad and batch lower in ADMU. Imagine. Everybody was nice there. People were very friendly and helpful. Especially the guys. For the 1st time in my whole life, I was able to get what I need from people just by portraying Nikoleta Pototski (haha! Sorry na lang ang can’t relate). Guys, do love it. Though I had to share a cube with another person, I didn’t really mind coz he was nice and funny. All my cubemates were dandy people. I had fun with them. I was also assigned to a very nice boss, got help from a teammate who was more than willing to share his load of work and was willing to show me the ropes. When the work came in, it was a baptism of fire. My teammate just got from China to do business gathering for AIU China branch. The scope of the project was so big, that my boss had to chop it into 2 and gave one part to me. Still, it was a big part and the application involved in the project was very new to me (like everything else! Insurance, claims, akkk!). Hence, I had to do OT for weeks because I was still learning and I had to deliver outputs. Good thing that my boss was very considerate and never hesitated to help me when things were unclear or confusing. And he was always with us (and fed us) when we had to do OT.

It was also Pia & Manuel's wedding. Bucky & I went to Cebu both for the wedding & bisita iglesia. We visited at least 3 churches to offer prayers for Bucky's bar exams.

Sep-Oct 2003: Hongkong (!) project

After my short stint with the China project, I was formally assigned to the Hongkong project. Not as a lead BA, though, but as a shadow BA. Since there was a more experienced BA who was free and I was just learning the ropes anyway. It didn’t really bother me. The lead BA was nice and helpful. And I was going to Hongkong. For FREE!

I just had to live with the fact that Bucky wasn’t very happy with my good fortune. Because he’d lose his yaya, kusinera, masahista, nanay, student driver. And of course, he didn’t want to be bothered by these things while reviewing for the bar. It took weeks to ease him into the idea of my departure and him being all alone while reviewing & taking the bar exams. I left for HK before his 3rd day of the exam, when I crashed the car into a jeep, got stuck in the streets of Manila because the engine overheated. Good thing that Dino Siason was just a phone call away. He helped me through that 1st car crash. Bucky never let me drive his car alone again.

I was so glad of my Hongkong assignment. It was very good training for me. Also, I was lucky to have Connie & Erwin as companions. We got along very well. Connie was very helpful and patient with me, always answering my questions, always explaining the business. We had so many bloopers when we arrived in HK. We got lost going to the hotel from the airport, also got lost going to the office from the hotel. It was fun though. We shared a lot of laughs. We had separate rooms, thankfully. We met users of the old insurance system in AIA HK. It was hard work. After FGDs & walkthroughs the whole day, we would stay at night to document the requirements. If we had more energy, we’d go around and try the different restaurants. It was fun eating at restos that don’t have English menus. We had to eat the peanuts they served because they were mandatory. You had to pay whether the peanuts were eaten or not. Might as well eat them. When Cnnie got too tired of work, I would go walking around the city by myself. It was nice.

I also invited Og to go to HK for a weekend. He came Friday and went back to Manila Sunday or Monday. He stayed in my room. He got to the city all by himself. Good thing Dad gave him some extra HK$. We went around the city: Ocean Park, the harbor, malls, Mongkok (where we saw lotsa cool cars! And ate genuine HK streetfood), Lamma island, Stanley Market & Victoria Peak. I had fun going around with Og, getting lost & talking to people who can hardly speak English. Fun. I spent almost P7K worth of money for the trips & the shopping for pasalubong.

I went home after weeks in HK because of passport expiry. We didn’t have visa that will allow us to stay for a whole month. So we went home. Thankfully. I didn’t tell Bucky that I was going home. He was surprised to see me home. Then I was back to HK after the weekend. Same work, getting harassed by the users and Winnie. We spent every weekend shopping and going around. We went to Lantau Island to see the biggest Buddha in the world. We also met with Bing (Connie’s friend living & working there) and cooked in her house. When we went back to HK, we were required to stay for another 3 weeks, I think. So we had to exit HK either to Shenzhen or Macau. We scrapped Macau because Pinoys were not very welcome there. So we opted for Shenzhen. Connie & I had no idea what to do there, but it was the cheapest & closest to HK we can exit to. The office applied for our visa and we were off to Shenzhen during a weekend. It was a very long train ride. There was a mall just beside the border. We decided to go around & shop there. After 4 hours of being harassed by uber kulit Chinese tinderas, we headed for HK. We shopped around Mongkok again before crashing in the hotel. On the week we were going back to Manila, we had lunch at one of the expensive restos in HK. Connie & I did our last shopping hurrah in the different malls & tiangges in HK. I remember buying so much on-sale Giordano items. Funny too, coz the sales people in almost all Giordano outlets knew how to say “Suki! Suki! Bili na! Mura, mura!” It was surreal… I was excited to go home and bring all the pasalubong. By the time I went back home to Manila, the bar exams were over so Bucky fetched me in the airport. When we got home, boy, was he happy with his pasalubong. I felt I bought him so much pasalubong to make up for my absence during the 2nd half of his bar exams.

Nov 2003

When we got back to Manila, the never-ending work started. We had to finish the BRD, test the prototype and do that all in less than 2 weeks. Good thing that Connie’s trip back to HK to present the actual prototype for the HKCL project was postponed to January. After the BRD & the prototype was done, we were practically doing nothing. I was assigned back to China CL. During that time, there was so much uncertainty with the project. It was taken over by Gilbert, who luckily had good faith in me. If he hadn’t, I would’ve been sacked like Eric. He didn’t like Eric. Too bad for him. The plan of getting the services of Headstrong for the China project was unveiled to the newly-formed team. It stunned us. I felt like… a liability actually. I mean, after HS comes in to take all the projects, what will happen to us? To those who were still working at projects that HS was going to take over? And the bad thing was, it wasn’t communicated to the organization well. Damn. Talk about bad management. I was also having a rough time with John. He was assigned to the China project before it was temporarily assigned to me. I think he took it badly. The only consolation I had back then was the friendship I shared with my new found barkada in AIU. Though I didn’t really go with during meriendas (because of work), they always considered me when they had plans for lunch outs or outings. They were a nice bunch.

During this time, Bucky also starts working. I remember him being always tied in the office and after office. He & his officemates would always go drinking after office. Even during weekdays.


Dec 2003

The AIU friends spent Sir Roe’s bday party at an Italian resto in Manila. Then we had some drinks & laughs at Ratsky. It was fun. I had a crush to an officemate then. Bad thing was, I think he got scared o me. I might have come on to strong. Again. It was also the time of the AIU basketball league. I turned down an insipid invitation to be team muse. No fuckin’ way…

I didn’t go to IPI’s Christmas party. I felt going there wasn’t worth it.

I went home to Davao for the holidays, of course. I don’t really remember what happened with the family. I think we said a long rosary during Christmas eve, offering prayers of peace for the family. I also remember talking to mom about stuff, about her dealing with the past & her “mistakes” as a wife & mother. The whole affair thing really rocked her world. Her very prim & proper feathers were ruffled. Well, who wouldn’t be. Damn WEAK men. Damn them to hell. It was very tiring talking to mom. It’s tiring remembering this…

Jan – Mar 2004

I spent my 25th bday in Samal with AA, Og. Onchie, Erwin, Jocelyn, Jaja, Mike, Ellen, Gen2 & Khan. Spent the whole day getting burned by the sun, sand & surf.

When I went back to Manila, it was confirmed that Armi was going to be the lead BA for the China CL project. I felt both relieved and depressed. Relieved, to know that there was someone more experienced than me in the team; depressed, to know that management doesn’t trust me. Hay. I took it like a bullet. As if I had the choice.

The China CL project officially started Feb. The team from AIU & HS met. There was a lot of animosity from AIU’s side. I was torn. I wanted the project to go without a hitch. But Armi & Jos’s attitude toward HS was not very good. It was a project doomed from the start. Armi & Audry (the HS BA) went to China for a requirements validation exercise. They were there for a month. I was left in Manila, much to my dismay. All the while I thought I was going with them. I had more knowledge than Audry, I could help Armi more. But, no, I was left in Manila to do stuff for them here. And to think that Audry wasn’t very happy about leaving. Buwisit. Ako na lang sana. Well, again, I took that blow like a bullet. No choice but to swallow my pride & my disappointment. When they came back, I was kinda relieved that I wasn’t with them. Too much pressure. Buti nga sa kanila. Har! Har!.

I spent the Valentine’s Day with Bucky & my friends (Jaja, Rica, Mike, Nina, Rap, Mark) in Boracay. The beach was clean & cold, but the sand & sun were great. We spent the days lounging in the beach, swimming, drinking shake & enjoying the sunset. It was great. If I were to go to Boracay again, it would be Feb or March. Low season, not too crowded and the beach & sun are great.

Bucky & I spent our 6th year anniversary at Antonio’s in Tagaytay. The best steak I’ve ever tasted. Actually, everything there was great: the place, the food, the ambiance. Everything.

April was Bucky’s month. He passed the bar, signed a lawyer’s logbook in the Supreme Court, his parents came over for his birthday and his oath-taking. He was officially a lawyer. His dad was so happy. After many years of hard work.

May – Oct 2004

Nothing much happened during these months. I was tied to the office almost always every weekend. The deluge of work arrived when Armi & Audry came back from China. Bucky was having a rough time with my schedule. The only extravagant date I remember having during these months was another trip to Antonio’s and staying overnight in Tagaytay. I also went to Bora again with Bucky for Wong’s wedding. The beach was frantic! The waves almost swept my bikini away… Other than that, it was work, work, work… Sept-Oct was very stressful for me. There were time when I would go home at 10pm (at the earliest!) to 3am, then go back to the office at 930am. It took a toll on my body. I lost weight & inches.

I also had my braces on the 1st week of May. I never thought eating could be such a displeasure...

It was also during that time that I thought of my future with AIU. I started fixing my resume & jobhunting. I tried applying in SMART via their website. A day after, they called for an interview! I was shocked. It was that fast. I took a test and had an interview. I was very optimistic at that time. I was glad of having been exposed to the whole SDLC process in AIU. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have made it to SMART. Shortly after, I was scheduled for another interview with my would-be manager. I got the job. They wanted me to start ASAP but I wanted to have a break so I lied to both AIU and Smart. Worked out OK coz I was able to take a 2 week vacation. Haha! Anyway, when I told AIU about my resignation ASAP, they were shocked. They thought that I was gonna stay because of my performance (I was able to pull off the OGIS testing., which was the clincher of the whole project). Jos offered slyly offered me a regular position. But she wasn’t going to recommend me for regularization if I wasn’t going to take the offer. It left a bad feeling in the stomach, and I went with my gut. I didn’t accept her offer. Another manager also talked to me about my reasons for resigning. He almost offered me a regular position. But I didn’t let it come to that point. I was ready to leave. Besides, I thought that Smart was an good employer. I quit my job after 2 weeks and went home to Davao. Freedom!

I went home just in time for Dad’s bday parties. Yes, we had 2 parties. One for the family, one for the BLD group. It was tiring. But mom & we went through it to make Dad feel important & special. Hay, what you had to do for parents with lotsa issues. I hope I don’t be like them. Everybody was commenting on my weight loss. I must’ve been really thin then. It was also the first time that people saw my braces.

When I came back to Manila, I got my AIU & IPI clearance & started working at Smart on Oct 25.



It felt great, though I was disappointed with the office. AIU had a great office & view. But everybody was friendly, especially my teammates. Except Pam. She was friendly but aloof. The sosi, maarte kind.

Nov – Dec 2004

Didn’t really have some real projects so I just surfed the net & emailed. We (the newbies) had to prepare a presentation for the IT Xmas party. We organized, brainstormed, & practiced a funny dance. Despite being busy (except me), we were able to practice & shoot our dance. Haha! That was fun.

I went to CDO with Bucky for Gino & Maan's wedding. Everything was wonderful. The food was great & the reception was spectacular. It was at a hilltop, in a home owned by the Araneta's, overlooking the CDO bay. Beautiful.

Before the wedding, we went white water rafting & the canopy walk. Tiring but fun. It was also the time when we confirmed that Peachy & Chito broke up. They have a weird arrangement since the breakup. Well, they're two consenting adults. Let's leave it at that...

Mass Drinking! We held it at Tia's in Katipunan. Yes, it's back. Though, not exactly like the one we grew up with.

We had our own S&P Xmas Party. It was also fun, though I felt that there were cliques in our own team.



Then we had the SMART Xmas party where MVP announced that we were going to have 4 months more worth of bonus. Hurrah!!!!! OK lang kahit pro-rated. Money is money. =)



Before going home to Davao, I was assigned to a project that was going to be launched by the start of the next year. I spent OT for 2 weeks to finish testing.

Christmas at home was eventful. Lola was there, as well as the whole clan. It was a Christmas reunion at Tito Lito’s house. It was chaos. It was fun. I met all the new kids & had so much gifts. All the dad’s siblings stayed at the house, together with the wives, husbands, kids. Tiring but fun.







Jan – Mar 2005

I had to spend my bday at home preparing for my departure back to manila. I celebrated my bday during Jan 1. I had to be at the office on Jan 3.

Very uneventful months. Though I had a rough time in the office during the 1st week of the new year. Because of some freakin’ stupid, unplanned project. Kainis. The only highlight was the Valentine’s Day. Bucky surprised me with a long-stemmed red rose. I was so happy. And kilig. We had dinner at Caffe Maestro which was so not worth the money. Antonio’s was better. We ended up wasting our hard-earned P1600 each.

March was our anniversary month. We celebrated it by having dinner at Saisaki.

We also got Red Corner membership: yes, we moved from Clark Hatch (Dusit Hotel) to Red Corner (Intercon). Bucky, Jaja, Niña, Tonio (???), Jake Antig, and I hitched with my previous grym group in AIU.

That’s it. 1-2 years of my life. Summarized in 8 pages & 18,234 characters (without spaces).

Wow, it was one hell of a ride. Thankfully, I’m still alive & still living. Not a perfect life, but nonetheless, happy.

Remembering

i've been looking at the past year of blogs. too much blank moments in my life from 2003-2004. i should look back and try to remember what happened. i shall post milestones of my 2004...

for now...

- Getting excited about the Pandan trip. Rica keeps on counting the days. Jaja decides to ditch Mike from the trip. Jake backs out because of work. I think this is the first time since I started working that I don't have a proper summer vacation. I can't believe it. And to think that I was in Bora last year. Twice! Huhu...

- Celebrated Herbert Kuybs' bday at Grilla. Boys were there. Ex was there! all the while i thought he was in the US. nakabalik na pala.

- Jaja & Mike break up. Long fucking story. I'm mad because of the fact that some men are SSSOOOOO WEAK. period. they just don't have the spine to face realities. arg. spineless creatures. arg. arg. Rica, Niña and I helped Jaja bring all of her stuff back home. And to think Mike was in Bora with the other girl while we were packing. arg. arg. Good thing Jaja looks like she's gonna be over that scum. Bucky has the nerve to defend the guy! another spineless creature. He says "these things happen, baka he plan it in the first place". He didn't plan it alright! He made it fuckin happen! If he knew that things were going bad with him and jaja, he should have told her, and settled it right away. Damn, MEN. GGGGGGRRRRRRRRRR.

- Dan's birthday party. Bucky & his dorm barkada met at a party in makati. saw the wives, talked about adult stuff like investments, weddings, babies. creepy. Dan got drunk. Chito & Peachy came as... a couple (?) or stag. I dunno. I've long given up on those two. Matanda na sila. They're supposed to know what they're doing.

- Jaja & Glenn' tryst in the Emergency ward. hahaha! what a night to remember. jaja was having tummy pains again so we brought her to the hospital. while we were in the ER rooms and there was a long needle stuck on Jaja's hand, Bucky called Glenn (who was on duty at that time) to meet them. I convinced Glenn to check up on Jaja because the assigned doctor was nowhere to be seen. Nauto ko naman sya. I used Niña's phone to take his pictures. Jaja's forever crush.Funny!!!!

- Went to Bucky's frat party at Bellissima. Had 1 glass of mua-thai (?) and cosmo. almost passed out in the ladies room, much to Bucky's chagrin. Hehe. Jaja celebrated her night as a single woman (and loving it!). Had to lie to glenn to get a med cert for her just so she could go to the party. acc to Bucky, lotsa guys were asking for her num. let's hope her phone's already ringing. Went to Ortigas to eat Mini-Stop siopao & chat till 3am.

- Been lounging at the Intercon pool every weekend of April. The house has morphed into a microwave oven! Sleeping by the pool with the polluted-Manila air in my hair is the life. Looking forward to going for a dip again this Sunday.

- Bucky's birthday last April 23. He's getting depressed because he's alreaydy 28 yrs old. Haha! Planning to have a bday celeb cum house warming party this weekend. Major sponsors are Manuel, Bucky, Eric, Gian-C. planning for food & logistics. My cooking prowess will be tested this weekend. harhar!

Random thoughts during lunchbreak...

why do I only write thoughts of apprehension, doubt, saddness and nostalgia? i am only compelled to blog or write down my thoughts if i'm in a negative state of mind...

maybe because i feel that there is a problem i need to solve. solving a problem entails knowing & understanding what the problem is. my high school teacher said, "understanding the problem is solving half of the problem." how true.

now, what exactly is my problem? the hard part. hmmm...

I feel the need to move. Away from here. Away from where I am now. Where, exactly?

the only thing that keeps me going these days is the trip to Pandan Island come May. i've also launched my diet regimen which will last for a month & 2 weeks: less meat & rice, more fish, veggies, and fruits. and definitely at least 30 minutes of aerobic activity everyday. gym membership comes in handy. i've decided to either jog or swim everyday. easier said than done...

hurray! i finally found a way (and a site!) to host my blog images. (thanks to jaja's blog where i got the website. hehe). after 48 yrs... what a blogger-moron.

some pandan pix:

PHUKET, THAILAND

i wanna be here...

Working for SMART Communications, Inc.
11 Nov 2004
12:43pm

My meeting just finished about 10 minutes ago. Sobrang gutom na ako when it was done. Having to actually work is a nice change from pretending to work and not fall asleep.

Honestly lang, I feel a little odd when I’m with XY or XX-maarte. Parang they go in the same group, while I don’t. Parang they’re the sosy people, and of course, I’m not. I think they’re nice but I just don’t feel that they welcome me. Parang ung feeling ko sa CCI. Which brings me to my experience in AIU. Doon naman kahit consultant ako, I had a group na feeling ko, belong ako. It was a nice feeling. Dito kasi, feeling ko, I don’t belong. Of course I can’t rush things. I’m still new here and my presence might have unwittingly threatened some people. God knows I don’t have any intention of encroaching into anybody’s business. I’m here to work and help. Well, hunch lang naman un. I don’t plan to accuse other people of thinking ill of me.

Uncle Adel and his wife are getting married in the church. Finally. Uncle adel has been dispensed from priesthood, so puede na silang magpakasal. After 3 beautiful kids, finally. Dad and mom are coming over on dec3. Dec 4 ang wedding at Pampanga. I hope bucky is free to take us there.

I really miss my work in AIU. The feeling na marami kang alam. Na hindi ka na nangangapa. Unlike here, syempre, learning curve na naman. Getting to know people… I haven’t emailed my AIU officemates. Wala pa akong email e. for the longest time… Elaine already resigned na rin. Buti na lang. Kaya lang ang gaga, parang nagba-backout after syang na-offer-an ng philam. Ewan ko ba dun. But she has a point. One of her apprehensions is the thought na wala na ba daw syang ibang choice. What if there are other better offers? Oo nga naman, what if? I began asking myself that question also. What if there are better things out there. Especially abroad, like HK or Singapore. The only thing that’s really stopping me from looking for work abroad is Bucky. Ayaw nya kasi e. He asks why I want to work abroad, and I tell him that I just want to experience it. It’s not the money. I just want to feel completely independent and focus on work. Three years abroad would be OK. Lets see the developments here after a year. If I’m still not satisfied, I’ll start looking somewhere else. Anyway, it’s too soon to tell.

I also miss my AIU barkada...

hello blogworld! im still alive!

wow, blog has changed a lot! business mustve been good for the past year.

imagine, my last blog was 07/13/2003. more than a year. im so out of it.

rica's officially moved in to the mansion. we're one body warmer in the house. and 1 notch more chaos every morning... pero ok lang. para mas masaya.

THE LIGHTER SIDE OF LIFE

i got an opportunity to work in HK for AIU/AIG. am leaving on mid-august and will stay there till mid-nov. i'm not thoroughly satisfied with the offer but it was good enough for now. i'll play my cards from this. hopefully better things will come out of it. bucky is taking it easier the past few days. thank God...

HELLO WORLD

hm. bored. just sending time in PC. wonder what's going on with my friends' lives...

MUSINGS on MY SO-CALLED LIFE

i replied to an email i got from a friend. he was my classmate in several classes sa Masters. he had to stop studying here coz his family immigrated to Canada last year. he was asking how we are doing and here's what i wrote:

"nag-LOA din ako starting nung Nov 2002. i was on the verge of nervous breakdown. my work got so demanding, i was studying, and playing volleyball for the varsity. i took up multimedia (passed), thesis 1 (dropped), intro to software eng (pending). i have 15 units of course subjects to go, plus my thesis then i'm done. kaya lang, two years have passed already and right now, i'm thinking if i want to finish the program. i'm getting disillusioned with the IT industry (it's not as lucrative and promising as it seems...), i'm not confident with my skills (even though i'm taking masters), and i'm having some existential musings (i realize now that i don't find fulfillment in getting into the IT industry to serve only myself and/or IT companies whose main purpose really is just to make a profit... exaj bah?).

pero what do you think? i'm still thinking pa naman e. sayang din ung pagod na binigay ko for my masters tapos di ko lang tatapusin... but naisip ko rin na mas sayang na tapusin ko ung isang bagay na doesn't work for me. hay, i don't know. i'm so confused. besides, i have to save money pa for tuition and fees. ayoko ng magpa-scholar. too many strings...

anyway, i'm working full-time at the same company we made a study for Adv SAD. i'm enjoying my free time. watching dvds, thinking about what to do with my life. doing the things i wasn't able to do (because of my hectic lifestyle for 2 years). i have less things to get stressed about. I'm looking for a less-stressful job. something that will allow me to study. or maybe, i'll look for a job that's really core IT para naman magamit ko ang utak at training ko sa ADMU."

basically, that's my frame of mind right now. actually, i just want to be a bum for a while but i can't afford it. neither can i swallow my pride and ask money from my parents.

anyway, there's a job fair in glorietta tomorrow till wednesday. i'll go there and give it a shot.

HELLO, WORLD!

after almost 4 months of not 'blogging', im here again.

well, life is not too good, but nonetheless okay.

my vacation (since holy week until the 3rd week of may) made me face life-issues:
*marriage and family issues
*parents and wishing that they'll grow up and act their age
*love and in/fidelity
*profession and what it is for?
*facing and rising above disappointments
*going to law school. why? because i have nothing else to do? because i want a concrete label for what i could be? because i want to help other people and somehow make a difference in their lives. how?
*what have i become? what do i want to be?
*life. what is it? how should it be lived? what makes us go on?

I faced these questions nung holy week. but it didn't really sink in. after bucky's graduation, when i was left with nothing else to do but hunt for jobs, they slowly settled into me. the past 2 weeks have been hard. i was always depressed. i always feel a foreboding sense that the future holds nothing for me. I always fear that in the end i'll realize that i wasted my youth and my life. but then again, being paralyzed by that fear now will eventually make the fear come true. so i guess, i'll just have to face whatever life will bring, one at a time. i'll face them when they come. i don't want to make goals for myself anymore. i'm tired of planning my life...

have made some new year's resolution regarding work. i've kept most of them. except this getting distracted by internet before starting work. well, i've been working quite well with this new project i'm handling, so i think i deserve this internet-time...

rap is thinking of leaving Mysis for some HR-related reasons. i guess, there isn't really a "better" place these days. but i'm still looking at my options. in the meantime, i'll be doing easy stuff here in the office. and getting paid for it!

SATURDAY in the OFFICE

like a good girl who couldn't finish her homework last night because of exhaustion, i woke up early this saturday to go back to the office and finish my business. just to find out that the person (a client) who i'm supposed to work with this morning (so that i could finish my job before lunch break) hasn't even left from her freakin house yet. even my boss who was supposed to be here is not here. howell....

i wanted to write to somebody about the "mundane-ness" of my life. and so i write here.

i terribly miss home. it's just funny because after 7 years away from home, it was only last december that i felt... at home. when i was in high school, i remember feeling impatiently waiting for high school graduation so that i could then move to manila for college, away from home, away from mom's nagging and sparingly-given praise, from my brothers' kakulitan, away from high expectations, and other people's hopes for me... i actually enjoyed my freedom. till now.

i'm 24 years old. come to think of it, some of my contemporaries are already thinking of getting married and having kids, ARE getting married and having kids, talking of buying long-term investments. while here i am, angsty about work and pay and how it sucks having to be employed to eke out a living, thinking about where i'll get money for my holy-week vacation, at the same time, for paying the never-ending stream of bills.

i'm at the time of my life where i begin to look back and ask what actually happened to me. what happened to me for the past 7 years? why am i where i am? am i happy with what i am and what i've become? what will happen to me? everyday i face these questions. before i go to sleep, when i wake up, when i take a bath or take a poo, when i eat alone or watch TV, when i see old friends and see what they've become and how they've been, when i see college friends and see what they've become and how they've been, when i'm bored with work and find nothing else to do, when i'm overwhelmed with work and don't know what else to do... everyday, the answer seems to be getting clearer, yet i still couldn't figure it out. it's like taking a far-away picture of birds circling the sea on a clear day. You know that there are birds flying, but you can't actually see what kind of birds they are... the answer is there, but not quite.

funny. i used to think i was so sure of myself. that i had it all figured out. little did i know, this is just the beginning of a wonderfully terrible thing called LIFE.

WHAT A WAY TO START THE NEW YEAR

I psyched myself up with regards to work last sunday (even though i didn't want to go back). in my mind, i made some resolutions: go to work early, finish work promptly and not dilly-dally with the Internet and personal stuff, lesser of call-in sick, among other things. Now, i find myself swamped with work and the year just started!!!! getting stressed already. and to think that my brain is not working as much as it used to. really, i just find myself going blank and not understanding stuff... alzhiemer's (tama ba spelling?) yata to... or quarter-life-crisis-intensity-level-3. hay ang dami kong gustong gawin before march. i'll try to sort my muddled brain one of these days...

POST-HOLIDAY THOUGHTS...

my last official day in davao. i'm not psychologically prepared to go back to Manila. for the first time in 7 years, i felt at peace being at home. i actually started thinking of the possibility of working and living here in Davao. there are a lot of problems in the family but i didn't feel the need to escape them anymore. i felt that i could and should help. and i say that without grudge or bitterness of heart. i guess the only thing holding me back is Bucky. also maybe the job opportunities in Manila. I'll give myself a deadline. If I can't find a good job that i'm happy with by the end of the year, I'm going back to Davao.

so much for serious thoughts.

my days here in davao started out slow. For approx 3 days, i was just in the house, watching VCD and playing PC with my bros (and getting addicted to SIMS!), or doing the chores. then we went to my aunt's wedding in Kidapawan (Dec26). I saw my ickle cousins, my aunts, and uncles. it was fun but stressful. they came with us to davao to visit lola's bro who was just recuperating from a bad stroke. we also went to SM for the kiddie's toy shopping (stressfull.....). after they all left on dec28, we cleaned the house (coz the helper was fired) for new year. had a day's rest on 30 pero went to the ADDU Alumni Reunion at around 10pm. had lots of batchmates there. pero meron ding hindi pumunta for reasons unknown to us. on that night, we, headed by robert, had a meeting for our ADDU HS 96 reunion. we started getting the names of the people and their phone nums. hopefully, we'll have a good turn-out next december. on 31, my mom and i went shopping and did the groceries for the new year's eve. by the time we went to mass at 8pm, mom was dizzy with hunger, i with exhaustion. when we came back home we had dinner at 10pm. we didn't get to celebrate the eve like we used to. just clanging the calderos and that was it. we were just so tired. jan1: cleaned the house and planned for beach. jan2: went to beach with friends. jan3: cleaned onchie's room. jan4: check email and ukay-ukay. jan5: BACK TO MLA. arg!

USELESS RANDOM THOUGHTS

dad is here. i met him this morning and was with him the whole day. just got into virtual reality an hour ago.

had my friends look at my resume. some of them replied. some didn't. i guess people are too busy with their work and lives or mali ang email address na pinadalhan ko.

mac wants this thingamajig from sony. me want a laptop, a car, and a hunk-of-a-man to have an affair with... sana di ako batukan ni Santa.

might have to go home earlier than Dec20, like Dec19 na lang. Dad told me that flights are so full, i might not get a seat on dec20.

nuninuniniiiiiii..............

HARRY POTTER ADDICTION

for crying out loud, i've seen the HP1&2 movies for the nth time last night! i swear. this isn't healthy anymore. i mean, what do i get from watching them over and over and over again???? i think i have a crush on that kid. he'l be a cute guy when he grows up. OK, from this moment on, after i've burned the HP1&2 cds, I will put a stop to this rubbish. i guess i'm tolerating this addiction so that i could escape harsher realities. TIME TO WAKE UP.

speaking of movies, i watched The Ring in G4 with Jo. that was some creepy movie. i could still imagine those horrifying scenes whenever i go to sleep, take a bath, brush my teeth. grabe. kainis nga coz i know it's not real pero i still get scared. RUBBISH.

anyway, i'm stuck with my job hunting. parang ayaw kong gumalaw. shyeks. i'm going to ADMU tomorrow for some "career counselling". i wonder what else they could tell me. hay naku. i'm just going there to hear some news, tips, and gather the strength to give them my resume.

jake versoza was interviewed by Grabeh.com! grabeh na ang kasikatan!

punyeta. nawala ang blog ko...

ok. all my blogs are up again. it was gone for a while. had to republish everything. now, how to paste pix here...

BORED STIFF

my past blogs have been about boredom. i guess it's because wala talagan direksyon ang buhay ko ngayon at wala rin akong ganang magka-direksyon ang buhay ko. am not tired. it's just that i feel scared of doing anything because it might not work. hay, after telling other people that everything is worth a shot, here i am not even wanting to try. I need to get a grip!

honestly, i'm just pretending to be doing something in the office. i hate that my boss is here. i feel as though that i'm so useless and pabigat to CCI. I was thinking of getting a new job (no matter how menial!) just to get out of this rut. Maybe in Starbucks or something like that. However, my main consideration is the money which is not that bad (considering that my job at the moment just consists of pretending to be busy in front of the PC, going to the CR, eating lunch, going to the CR, and leaving by 5pm).

i'm still in the Harry Potter craze: i had Chamber of Secrets and Sorcerer's Stone VCD copied. Damn...

I need some serious soul searching.

STILL BORED...

am not doing anything in the office. I took the day off yesterday and yet i didn't feel guilty at all. Gosh, I'm getting paid just to be physically in the office. I'm not really complaining. it gives me enough time to search for jobs in the internet, edit my resume and make application letters. however, it's boring me out of my wits. i mean, i would rather spend the day at home, waking up late and watching TV or reading every goddamn book at home. but no, i have to be here in the office and find ways to amuse myself. the appeal of surfing, checking and writing emails, blogs and egroups messages has lost some of its novelty.

i slept late again last night (good thing, migraine didn't attack). I read 3 chapters of HP3. Borrowed a copy from eric because i couldnt stand not reading it after watching HP2. i'm so stuck with harry potter that i even read a fan-written HP5! the writer based the story on the hints that Rowling gave out early this year, I think. It was quite amusing. The story might even come close to what Rowling will write. well, that remains to be seen. I watched HP2 with Jaja last week. Technically, I didn't really like it. The cinematography and the production set (s) weren't really impressive. And there wasn't even a great score to help the film! Masyadong flat ang "sounds" ng movie. Moreover, there could have been many seens na funny or cute but the film wasn't able to translate it. Also, Hermione was getting to be a cry-baby. I didn't like that. Radcliffe also needs to improve his acting skills because he's the star of the show. Unlike Hermione, Ron, and the rest who (I think) did justice to their roles. And Fawkes was way ugly and acted to "robotic". The climax in the book wasn't translated well in the film. It didn't feel like climax at all: wala masyadong visual and audio effects (except for the basilisk which was quite OK), plus it wasn't faithful to that particular scene in the book.

Of course, Im saying these because I constantly compare it to the quality of Lord of the Rings. But in fairness to the film, I liked the kitchen of the Weasly home. It was exactly as i pictured it in my mind when I was reading it (just a little darker in my mind though). At ang cute nung clock! Pero it didn't show Ron's room that was decorated with Quidditch posters. I also liked the Aragog scene. It looked real and the visual (for that scene) was great. Especially ung escape scene. Kadiri yung crawling spiders!!!! There were exaggerated scenes also: flying car and Harry almost falling out, Hermione making dramatics about being a mudblood, Hermione's cat look, moaning myrtle was kinda cute (unlike in the book), and the last scene with Dumboldore, Lucius, and Harry where Harry assured Lucius that he'll be there to 'save the day'. I mea, whoa, where did that come from?!?!? That wasn't in the book. It didn't give much appeal to the ending of the movie...

Oh well, we could just hope that the 3rd movie will be better, if not, that book five will be a better read than book 4.

enuf of this harry potter craze. have to pretend to do work... hay...

BORING DAYS AHEAD

haven't been doing much in the office ever since i came back from vacation. but even though i'm not really busy, i still wish that i would not have to get up early in the morning and physically take my body to the office. if only i could afford to be a bum.

started my job-hunting already. i've been surfing the internet. haven't really gone walking around makati and submitting my CV, though. have to put more order into pa...

hay...

POST-VACATION HANG-OVER

didn't go to work last monday because I just flew in that day. tamad to go to office. jo went to manalac to get her stuff. chika-chika kami till late in the afternoon. just read harry potter. decided it's good to read the book again before watching the movie.

worked yday. couldn't get out of the office to fetch bucky from the airport because of frigging work. i forgot to bring the cheques for signing pa talaga so i had to go back to the office after dinner para mahabol ko kay lino who was teaching in APS. good thing traffic was not bad in makati ave and burgos.

missed bucky so much. was very excited to go home. had dinner in Hot pero cut short nga because had to rush back to the office. after the going-back-to-the-office-fast!-episode, we went back to the house for their inuman. calich and his girl were there. they kept on pestering him about their love story to no avail. joshur was also there. he ordered pizza for all, saying that it's ok to spend the money because it belonged to the taxpayers. he's working for congress now. (he's so fat, btw. and still with charmaine, for crying out loud. that girl must be blind). but in fairness, he look decent. i guess, he has to else, baka ipatapon sya ng security sa congress. slept ahead of everybody else. medyo tired coz woke up early to do some brisk walking. have to seriously loose weight. all my jeans are getting tight (halp!)!

CONTINUATION...

morning came as a respite. woke up at dawn and walked the shoreline of the whole island. we saw the sand at the other side of the island. according to residents, the sand moves around the island because of the current. It was smoother and powdier than the sand in the resort's shoreline. the sun was soft and the wind temp just right. after we made the full circle, we decided to see the lighthouse. to our frustration, the gate was locked and we couldn't climb over because of a guard-kambing protecting her baby kambings playing by the gate. hence, hindi kami nakaakyat. tired, sweaty, and hungry, we went back to the resort. good thing good, greasy breakfast was already set on tables along the shore. had a hearty meal. half an hour later, we went under water again. we partly saw the black forest then got swept by the current again. didn't see much but same corals and aquarium fish. it was nice though. forgot the name of dive spot. after the dive, ate again (as usual!) then got ready and packed up for panglao. we took the smaller navy boat. took about 30 minutes to get there. the shore was great (almost like boracay's) but the beach was not very good. ang daming weeds and sea-urchins. you wouldn't wanna go barefood wading in the water. we just rested for the whole afternoon, dipped in the water and waited for sun-set. then had a wonderful dinner of shell soup (yum!), grilled pusit, shrimps, chicken, atbp. super busog after the meal. we decided to walk along the shore. we found a great resort, Alona Palm Beach, at the end of the shoreline. kaya lang super expensive. it looked really classy and well, expensive. it looked its price. we also went to a resort with rooms for only P250 per night good for 2 pax. Ok naman but the shower is common. ok lang if backpacking talaga. slept early due to exhaustion. shared a room with bucky and his parents. 3 beds:one for parents, 1 for bucky and 1 for me. they didn't trust us to be in bed together. funny! as if we could do some hanky-panky together with them around! hahaha!

woke up early. bucky tried capturing the sunrise with his "angle" (he has this illusion that he can beat jake v. in his league...) had breakfast of dinner's tira-tira and bread. got ready for the dive in Pamilacan island. we had 2 dives there. we saw a school of barracudas on the 1st dive. my dive was cut short because of my bouyancy problem. toward the end of the dive, I couldn't help but slowly going above the rest of the group. i couldn't control my BCD so no choice but to go up. sayang ung air ko. as usual, bucky was the 1st one to run out of air so nag-picture taking na lang kami sa taas. the 2nd dive's highlight was when a huge fish bit chito in the knee. sobrang funny! chito and i were buddies for the 2nd dive. we were getting into this area of the big fish. suddenly, it just went up to us baring its teeth! yes, we saw the teeth. it bit chito sa left knee. as in baon sa flesh! i think it was about to attack me next. fortunately, the dive guide drove it away with its knife. we had no choice but to go against the current (which was very tiring). we were quite rattled after the incident (but in retrospect, it was really quite funny! imagine, of all things to happen!) the spot didn't have so much corals and fish because it was just a slope. unlike if wall, there are millions of things to look at. we were almost done with the dive when we saw a frog fish. rare daw un. it didn't look like a frog though. looked liked a black coral with white spots clinging desperately on a stone. there was a very big coral beneath our boat. we stayed there for a safety stop. meanwhile, we were chasing the fish around the coral. dan went up to get the underwater cam and went under again to take some pix. namee and i went with him. took pix of them underwater. bucky threw up after the dive. he didn't feel well because of his bad sinus. wawa nga e. he didn't enjoy it very much. the boat ride going back to pangloa was bumpy and took forever pa gyud. good thing lunch was great. we are starving. hardly said a word while eating. when were were almost done, we kept on joking about chito's fish-biting incident. all too soon, the vacation in Panglao had to end. hay, grudgingly packed my stuff and showered. promised to go back when there's time and money. got back in cebu port at around 6pm. went to the pier coz dan, namee and chito were all going back to cagayan. they planned to go to camiguin. buti pa si namee!

hay, the next day was the end of the great vacation. went to davao to visit mi familia and supervise my little bro's bday celeb. oh well, some good things have to end. pero i'll have other chances to go back there. excited na ako to plan for the next. the equipment was quite expensive. but all was worth it. i spent only P2.5K+ for 5 dives. lucky me. hehee.

BAKASAYON: the beginning of the end...

just got back from cebu yesterday for my bro's bday celeb. it was ok but i had migrane attack so i didn't enjoy it very much. my bro and his friends have grown. they've grown almost as tall as i am and their voices have gone deeper also. it's funny to see these children grow up and before you know it, matanda ka na talaga. we're at this age... nyahhh. don't want!!! (in a bratty-voice).

anyway, to recount my vacation: (lola's bday in leyte, yada, yada...)

fetched namee and dan at the airport. we went to Tropical Island to borrow diving gear. super cheap compared to other diving shops. had a little problem with the certificates coz bucky, namee and i are not certified divers yet. had to make an excuse para makahiram kami ng gear. buti na lang hindi peak season this november, at pinayagan kaming humiram. turns out that we were the only customers for the week. we even got a one-day discount because of bucky's kakulitan. close na kami sa clerk don. after dinner, we went to the casino. bucky and i didn't have any luck at the slot machine (at all!) so we drowned our expensive sorrow with a hearty sandwich and good talk at the hotel lobby. we didn't see pia there at the waterfront coz she was in leyte. got home at around 12mn. we still didn't want to sleep so nag-inuman muna kami sa house. we had red wine, then san mig light, then pilsen. naubusan e! we talked about the dorm, the people, what happened. the topic was especially hot on the CG, better known as the Cagayan Girls. Dan told us that he heard Batin having a boyfriend whom she lost her mind with: umalis sa parents at naki-pag-live-in po with the BF against the will of the parents. eventually they broke up, then she hooked up with another guy whom she dumped for the ex-boyfriend because the sex was way better. hmmm.... she's definitely gone places. as for the others, nothing much to hear really. we talked about moomoo's and ghost. bucky, dan, and namee are self-confessed chickens. ako, well, honestly, am not. namee suggested that we sleep with the boys because she was scared. she couldn't bear seeing me sound asleep tapos sya takot sa dilim. ok lang with me kasi aircon ung room nila, sa amin sa guest room hindi. slept at the floor though.

next day, had to wake up at friggin six am to fetch chito at the pier. tried to catch some sleep then we went to have lunch at the same SUTUKIL restaurant. it means SUgba, TUla, KILaw pala. kaya SUTUKIL. lima lang kami pero ang dami naming kinain!!! i was so full we had to do some walking around the Lapu-lapu shrine. funny, turista talaga ang mga dating namin. picture-taking galore! went to shangrila-mactan again to show namee and dan the place. it was so hot so we decided to cut the trip short and then visit plantation bay na. the place was nice but i liked shang better. their pools were weird: man-made lagoons na mukhang pool na hindi. it was too... weird for my taste. at least sa shang it's either a real pool or the real beach. nothing in between. anywez... visited dive shop again to rent some additional equipment. buti na lang chito is certified na, so lalong naging confident un clerk (si laura) sa amin. went to ayala to have some mirienda at the harbor city. it's this chinese resto na super cheap and super good food. even if busog na nga ako, kumain pa rin. it was then that i felt a little dizzy. i was scared of having a stroke because of all the aligi i ate for lunch. pero wala naman. baka impatcho lang, ang takaw kasi. bought some stuff at the grocery store and then went home for dinner (kain na naman!)prepared for next day's departure. could hardly sleep because of the excitement.

woke up at around 530am to pack stuff. so excited. had breakfast pa so got to the pier at around 645 na. left at around 720. the boat ride to Balicasag was about 3 hours. we took the rubber to the island coz the boat was too big to cross the shore. the place was great. the atmosphere was like in SSI: beach was not crowded, lots of trees. there's only one resort there. we got us 2 rooms. According to the lonely planet guidebook, it costs about P2K+ per night. whew... we ate a little before the 1st dive. had to go back up the air to change my mask because the one i borrowed was leaking and i didnt want to clear my mask underwater. I got my buddy's which was was great for leaks but not for equalizing. nagawan ko naman ng paraan. the current was so strong that we didn't see much of our drop-off point. nagpa-drift na lang kami with the current. it was great. ang ganda sa ilalim. after the momentary eeriness of just hearing yourself breathing underwater, everything went ok. there was a very big school of talakitok, ang daming lapu-lapu and mol-mol, and of course the ever present clown fish. there were also different kinds of corals. the water wasn't very clear kasi maraming plankton na lumilipad-lipad. after the dive, it felt weird being on land again. i felt a little dizzy and sick in the stomach. felt better though after we had a hearty lunch of grilled pork, fish. after an hour of rest and gearing up, we had our 2nd dive. i felt more calm and confident in the 2nd dive. finally saw a lion-fish and more mol-mol and talakitok and lapu-lapu. there were more aquarium fish on the 2nd than in the 1st. mas marami but smaller. dinner was great! sobrang gutom after every dive! After the sumptuous dinner, washed up and got ready for bed. sobrang tired. my friends, however, had another idea. against my very sleepy and tired brain, i played pekwa with them. was barely thinking while playing. could barely sleep. ang init!!!!

BAKASYONISTA: TYPING IN CEBU (with prospective in-laws, nyaiks)

arrived here at oct30 about 3pm.

bucky had Mabuhay tickets so i had to wait for him finish eating. funny coz he wrapped some pika-pika in paper napkins and gave them to me. i felt so pobre.

the 1st night was fun. looked at old albums of bucky and his family. at around 10pm i was bored stiff talking to bucky and his mom about their lives. (bad...) it was however punctuated with anticipation because his dad told us that we were going to Mactan Shangri-la overnight for free. Many of the freebies his dad gets for seemingly protecting the place. Bucky's dad placed a team of navy men at the hotel mismo. the place was nice. the pool was great. medyo pangit ang beach. just dead stones and a lot of green stuff. we went into the water late afternoon na coz it was so sunny. Had dinner at the SUTUKIL (just outside the Mactan shrine with more-than-life-size statue of the half-naked Lapu-Lapu(the man)) restaurants where you choose any kind seafood, from king crabs, prawns, tingol, molmol, lapu-lapu, shells, etc. and let them cook the way you want it. GRABE, busog. ang daming food. the food was medyo expensive but the catch was fresh and everything was cooked great. Sarap, yum-yum. went back to the hotel and walked around the pool for a while. that's where i saw carlos agassi. he was wearing only board shorts. ang laki ng katawan nya. kaya lang tisoy so hindi ko type. he asked me about the water polo thing. talked for about 15 seconds and then i decided to change into my swimsuit to burn the dinner and of course, to see more of the artista. syet, baduy talaga. niloloko nga ako ni bucky pero game naman sya. even though closing time na ang pool, naligo pa rin kami. funny. after taking a shower, we ordered dessert and watched tv. walay silbi and pag-swimming. bawi dayon sa halo2. eventually slept at around 12mn. next day, took a dip both at the pool and the beach. twas so hot. have tanlines coz forgot to put on some sunblock. super fun. great place and food. should be back there sometime when lotsa money na. P5700+ for locals

gave mommy-in-law-to-be a massage. whew. got tired...

sent letter of termination to DOST already. they should be able to reply by Tuesday. I hope so. If not, I'll call them from here.

TYPING WITH STRESSED SHOULDERS

damn, my shoulders have been feeling tired all day yesterday until today.

my boss suddenly appeared on my back while typing email to mom. wonder if she read that i'm off to cebu tomorrow? bahala sya.

tired talaga...

RANDOM THOUGHTS on a LONELY SATURDAY NIGHT.

want to learn taichi. i need a new kind of exercise and a way to relax my brain. i'm getting kinda bored with jogging.

nothing good on TV.

jaja, nina, and kuya mike went to sang-kalayuang Taft to eat at Becky's (?). wanted to go with them but budget (or the lack of it) forced me stay within the perimeter of my house (that includes PP) and eat at Hot. wasn't quite satisfied with the sisig. went home sleepy. must be the effect of sebo creeping into my brain and my whole system.

pau slept here last night. she came from Manila Penn and wanted to go straight to the airport. she went home to bacolod today. we ate at north park. i had a craving for Tai Pao but i didn't order. weirda. so, i still have an uncured craving for tai pao. shit.

i only have P90 in my wallet. i was very tempted to use my credit card. BUT NO. baka sobrang akong mabaon sa utang. that's bad.

bucky and i were talking about what kind of business we want to get into. rather, we should get into. hmmm... ang hirap isipin. hindi pa puedeng diligan ko na lang ung pera tapos, tutubo na lang sya. i'll talk to it pa every morning. but no, hindi sya tulad ng halaman, my dear... you have to invest it somewhere. maybe in dollars or in Tbills. ang hirap sa stocks din kasi the market is so unpredictable. puedeng food business pero you gotta have a strong niche there and it has to have a fast ROI. kung sa estate naman, puede din... still don't know. the business world is definitely gonna change in the next 5-10 years. i wonder what people will need? so that we could make some good bucks out of it.

ang tagal pa ng 10:30. i wanna watch go to believe. boston public is still on air. arg. don't like that show. too much teenage angst, makes me feel sorry for them.

ok, tired of typing out loud...

EXCITED!

one day less, 4 more days and i'm off to vacation!!!!!

pau's going to bacolod tomorrow na. ang haba ng bakasyon ng gaga. we might have dinner later in the indie place. at last.

MAC: PROSPECTIVE ROOMMIE

Tanichi or tan wants a place near Etelecare where she works. She gets ubber tired commuting. besides delikado ang mga busses ngayon. tapos her friggin shift is like 11pm-7am. she wanted to leave her place ASAP coz the her roommate/s want to get the whole place on his/her/their own (according to Gen2 na sabi ni Jaja). Plus, she's having problems with the 2 months deposit and advance thingie. I told her that we won't let her pay advance if ever kasi di naman tayo nagpapa-sublease, diba? She liked it, i think. Kaya lang I told her na to look for a place na malapit na sa etelecare. kasi kung sa atin, same story lang. she hasn't called/texted yet. let's hope that daddyo discloses her exact plan na so that we can consequently plan our lives also. hopefully, eyos will still not find a place to stay by the time daddyo leaves.

uy, kelan tayo kakain dun sa indie place???????

FREAKIN BOSSES (!&@%#@&^#&@&&!!!!!)

was preparing the report for tomorrow. they slashed most of it. well, bahala sila sa buhay nila. i'll just be there to push the mouse button and document the proceedings. Bahala silang mag-explain ng kung anu-ano. Nakakainis. Sila naman ang magre-report e. di naman ako. hmp. i'm quitting this rat hole na talaga. period. well, not until i find a new job. gosh, i just hope that we'll get a 14th month pay. para maka-out-of-the country ako. (inis-inis...)

anyway, am so excited to go to CEBU!!!!! we're going to Malapascua. it's a beach like the White Beach in Boracay daw. SO FRIGGING EXCITED!!!! 5 days na lang. I told my parents about it naman via email. they haven't responded. hope na hindi naman sila magtampo that i'll be staying longer in Cebu than in Davao! Kasi naman the original plan was I'm only going home to Davao on onchie's birthday. And then this balungan confirmed the beach outing in Cebu. Tuloy, hindi na umabot ang free ticket ko. I had to use my card to buy a ticket. well, bucky is not paying for my ticket pala.... but told mom and dad na he did para hindi magtampo na pera ko pa ang ginamit ko. (tapos hindi daw ako uuwi sa all souls'/saints' day kasi magastos... bad daughter)

mac's blog has a new look.

gotta work.

TIRED BRAIN

fucking clients. why are they so demanding. grabe. napa-praning na naman ako. we're supposed to do a presentation on the summary of what happened for NESTLE. my brain is bleeding inside. ayoko na. resolve not to work from this minute till tomorrow.

Need to look for money so that I can fucking DOST for my tuition and fees last sem. garsh. at least hindi ako matatali sa kanila for the next year. I have yet to tell DOST that I'm quitting for a while.

Need to look for a part-time job. Need moolah!!!

BOSS NOT AROUND

i don't have anyone to look over my work so i'm doing useless stuff. in fairness, i did the Nestle stuff first before doing this. besides, i can't work without Rachel and Lino's inputs.

watched that GLOBE adventure in GMA last night. what a stupid show.

ang sakit ng katawan ko from cleaning the whole house. ow...

going to cebu and davao this break! yipee! i already applied for a leave. originally dapat for davao lang ang leave ko. but bucky invited to go diving in Bohol and Cebu. so on the last minute, i decided to go with him! this might be the last chance that I can go diving na free. Bucky's dad is retiring on January. Im so excited. i need the break! going home on nov 7 before onchie's bday. i wonder if i can still buy the PS2 cd he wants. garsh, might have to battle greenhills mob. for the 1st time since onchie turned 6 yrs old, i'll be able to attend his bday party (if he's having any). nagtampo naman ang bata. i can't bear the thought na he'll carry that grudge against me till he goes past adolescence. baka magkaroon ng issues (like his ate... )

mom and dad very supportive of my decision to go LOA. i will have to ask JPV about the nuances of such a process. i'm presenting my (jordan's) program this afternoon. yikes!

gotta make JOB-HUNTING Program for myself.

RESTFUL WEEKEND

After i have finally decided to quit school for now made me feel so... FREE. parang ang gaan sa dibdib, na wala akong ibang iniisip. I'm actually looking forward to job hunting. I have to make a strategy for that pa...

consequently, i'm enjoying a very restful weekend. no worries. i even cleaned the whole house yesterday. they were all gone. sumakit ang katawan ko. pero ok lang. at least maaliwalas ang feeling. i heard mass with bucky and ate at outback. i felt the need to celebrate and congratulate myself for knowing when to back down.

i came home and slept well. after a long, long time...

DEAR MOM & DAD...

i wrote to my parents about taking a leave-of absence and terminating my DOST scholarship. I hope they reply ASAP so i know what they think. given that, i have resolved to look for a job and help my parents with the house.

I feel as though nabunutan ako ng tinik. I just admit this now: I have been scared shit when I took the DOST scholarship. Somehow, I knew that it wasn't right but I still went on with it, hoping that my doubts would disappear. Now that I'm looking at the situation with a clearer mind and less fearful heart, I think I will not have any regrets. I was enlightened by what Pau emailed me:

"Life is full of winning and losing and also full of challenges. It doesn't matter if you lose.. if you live for yourself, then that is truly LIFE.
Some people refuse to accept the truth and to start again, thus they end up losing more and more in life. In the end, nothing can be done to bring back what they lost. If you are losing in your life now, don't continue letting yourself lose more than what you did. Put a stop to that situation and do not be afraid to start from scratch.

Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want; it is the realization of how much you already have.

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards."

People say that I just wasted 2.5 years of my life working in a small and struggling company and studying for a degree that I won't finish naman. Well, maybe I did. That's why I will not prolong it anymore. I think quitting school and seriously looking for a job will put an end to that "wasting of my life". I think I can pursue my Masters when I can afford it na. As of now, there are just too many restraining forces. My only regret is that I was too scared to get out of my comfort zone, face the insecurity of being unemployed or being rejected by companies. I have to face these fears so that I will know how to overcome them.

Hay, writing this makes me feel older. But al least, wala nang tinik at bigat sa loob. I can plan my life ahead and move on.

Hmmm.... this week has been a "moving on" phase for me. Hurrah!

LIFE's A BITCH.

I. gotta problem with my DOST scholarship. i opted for Independent Project instead of the real thesis for MS. pukinangina. i'm anticipating that DOST will not allow me to proceed. bitch. If I change my project in mid-year, i might have to extend till May talaga. arg. i would have to search for a thesis topic and do the same hoopla again. arg. arg. well, at least my parents agreed to be my benefactors for next sem if ever i decide to study full time. just hoping that i'll finish the courses next sem and then proceed with thesis subject until 1st sem next year. arg. arg.

what i need to do:
1) review IP proposal
2) send to DOST for approval
3) if disapprove, meet them, talk to Ms. Reena, adviser
4) if approve, review timeline of IP, start activities

II. daddyo is moving out soon. no exact date yet. but he's moving out. meaning, bigger rent (until we find new roommate), no ref (!), no more daddyo-stuff (pliers, electrical tape, etc). i wonder if randy is indeed planning to move in with us when he starts studying. also, i wonder when he'll start going to school, yada, yada.

III. Star-shows won't be aired na.

hay ang hirap maging matanda...

at least hindi ako homeless, or jobless, or boyless... (mga pang-kunsuelo de bobo)

enuf.

SABI NG FRIEND KO...

sabi nya sa kin minsan...

alam mo..alam mo, araw araw iisipin mo, may pagkakataon kang gawin ang kahit
anuman na gusto mo. para sumaya ka. kahit pagod ka o kahit andaming problema
sa paligid mo, isipin mo na kaya mo at magiging masaya ka. gawin mo lang gusto
mo sa araw na iyon. hindi mo na maibabalik ang nangyari. lahat ng magagawa
mo, gawin mo. lahat ng gusto mong tuparin. dapat masaya ka ngayon. hindi
kanina, hindi mamaya. ngayon.

iba na namang araw bukas.

CLOSURE. (...medyo private. context of the entry below to be disclosed in the near future)

Micharl is here in Manila. He called so that we could meet up in PP. Honestly, I felt kilig, then kaba. I mean, after all these years of not having to really forget what he did (or did not do, for that matter) and the pain I consequently felt, I had every right to feel that way. Unwittingly or not, all these years, the two poles of TAPOS NA and FUCK THAT ASSHOLE have been pulling me in both directions.

I was a nervous wreck on my way to PP. I asked myself "what the hell am I doing?!?!?" But whadapack, papunta na ako (in fairness, normal office clothes, not vengeful-beauty-clothes). We met at Mongkok. good thing his cousins were in the restaurant. They were nice and came from Davao too. We talked about the old times, of how he punched me because he lost to my team in the play of "shatong" and how i threw a stone at him because he punched me, how he can't hide his true age from me, how I can't believe that he doesn't have a girl (maybe not "a girl" but "girlsss").

Somewhere between feeling awkward and feeling relieved to see that he did not stay the same as the dream-of-a-hunk I so desired, I realized how futile and tiring it was to keep on being mad at him, or anyone for that matter. After a while, I even felt happy that he's here and I was talking to him like a real friend.

They wanted to watch a movie but I had to go home to study for my finals. His cousin took a picture of us. He put his arms on my shoulder... and i let him. Just like old times. I said goodbye. I went and did not look back.

AAANNNNGGGGGST.....

kainis. i wasn't able to post my blog last night because the computer stopped. Wala lang trip nya lang... ARG!

what happened to me today:

1) slept like 330am because i had to study the program that i did not make, which i have to make a defense/presentation on. good thing the program works beautifully.

2) meeting with my JPV. naasiwa ako coz i haven't submitted my program pa...

3) submitted jordan's program. I need to set up a meeting with him to present it

4) micharl is here. he invited me to go out tonight sa may san beda area. i wanted to go at first pero decided against it. too far, too late, too busy, too in love with another guy......! (charing!) funny, kinabahan pa rin ako at kinilig ng konti. pero wala na talaga. as in WALA.

gotta wrap up work.

i lost my blog again. damn WINDOWS! nag-hang!

FUCK

nawala ang blog ko.... pakin syet.

HANG-OVER

still not over that we are champions this year. grabe.

jake's pix are in Star newspaper. wonder if they asked permission...

HURRIED THOUGHTS

gosh! 1 wk of no blogs! too busy. just finished my basic multimedia program. marunong na akong mag-FLASH!

later...

still got a presentation for school at 330pm.... arg.

RANDOM, SCATTERED THOUGHTS...

hmmm... good girl today. did lotsa work and bitched some slow-moving people in the office.

gosh. need to DO my program!!!!!!

bucky went to admu at 12mn last night to line up for game 3 tickets. personally, i found it absurd. but he really wanted to go. so i stood by my man. (and he stood for me... ehehe...) i hope he got 2 tickets. if not, i'll be stuck home to watch it in TV. i might not go to moro to watch coz i need the time to make my project. i slept so early last night because i was tired from my trip going back here. i swore to wake up at around 4am to do my project. of course, my sleep got extended till 5 am. wala din naman akong nagawa masyado, coz i had no idea wat to do. i need to talk to lange about this project and maybe beg him to assist me. for the last time... nahihiya na ako...

strangely though... that i don't feel scared or anything. i feel like things will turn out right even if eveything seems so hard these days. i'm not even shedding weight because of stress. in fact, i'm getting fat!!!!! AGAIN! napapasabay kasi ang kain ko with bucky e ...

geezz.... mac grudgingly went to glorietta to breathe in some fresh, cool air. medyo hindi nya raw ma-take sa house. in times like these, what i do is just go to my room. hindi naman umaabot e... or sometimes i open the door and let the stench blow out. pero minsan, hindi kaya. I resolve to buy lysol and air freshener tonight...

am in tagaytay again. for the nth time. this will be my 2nd to the last time. grabe!!!! ayoko na dito!!!

i need to process (ASAP) my mind, heart, soul what my priority as of now is: work or studies. It's been quite a while that i have been debating with myself what is more practical. so many thoughts. pero i need to keep it at bay. i have so many things (more urgent things: school, work).

God, lilet is on TV. She's 28 yrs old pero she still thinks and answers like a 19 yr old. sorry, di ko sya feel.

Still not done with Java project. arg.

still have red spots.

hmmm... did we get tickets kaya. Bucky was supposed to go early in Araneta to buy tickets. Sold-out daw kanina. Joshur lined up around 4am. Unbelievable!

GAME 2
We lost. 8-point lead. In retrospect, I think we lost because LaSalle had their confidence back. I eat my words that we had the psychological advantage. Maybe we did. But the Archers entered the court prepared and hungry. Ang bilis tumakbo ng score nila 1st quarter pa lang. On the other had, the Eagles had a slow start. There were too many errors (turn-over, free throw) during the 2nd quarter. 3rd quarter came with the Archers gaining 20-ish advantage. Naghabol pa tayo. Pero in fairness to the Eagles, nakahabol naman. Hindi lang nasustain.

Honestly, I don't think we will win on Saturday. We have lesser chances. But like I said, I will stand by my school and my team, no questions, no doubts. WIN OR LOSE, IT'S THE SCHOOL I CHOOSE.

DERMA
Still having derma problems... arg.

DERMA PROBLEMS
i'm having an allergy attack. it started last night, tiny red spots sprinkled on my skin. it's not itchy but it's kinda frightening. looks like German measles. Still don't know when to go to the doctor. Didn't get my CT scan results pa. Now, this... What could be next? Malaria???


CHAMPIONSHIP GAME 2
shux!!!!!!!!! this could be the year. I do not want to rely on my guts but we have bigger odds in winning game 2 because we won game 1. I dunno how that makes sense but for the team, it feels right. Kasi, they have a very big psychological advantage. Parang the players can tell themselves na KAYA TALAGA NILA. They can take and beat LaSalle anytime. Higher confidence, hence, higher chances of believing that they can win the game. LaSalle players on the other hand, is riddled with doubt. Kahit ano pa ang sabihin nila to assure themselves that they can win game2, the point is, THEY HAVE DOUBT. That's all it takes to crumble a strong team. They wouldn't admit it, pero i'm sure kinakabahan na sila. Even if aminin ko pa na they are the better players in terms of skills and maturity, they are doubting they play and maybe even themselves right now. The EAGLES have to make sure, however, that they give their heart into the game sa start pa lang. If not, babalik ang confidence ng LaSalle. Baka hindi makahabol if they let the archers take a big lead.

HORRIFIC TICKET-CLAIM EXPERIENCE
Thursday - reservations for game2. bucky's bro reserved for himself, bucky, me and wong. UpperB. Most in line made reservations last thursday. from what i heard, people lined up last thursday 5am just to get good tickets. upperA wiped out.

Saturday - 7:30 am. The dingy, age-old university athletics office hallway was packed with alumni who desperately want to get hold of tickets for game 2. the office was open but nobody was inside. there were no clear instructions. people had different versions of how to claim the tickets. people started to get their tickets but mayhem was starting to boil inside the office. Capistrano was nowhere in sight. when i got in to inquire about the procedure, the staff people assigned were so confused with the listssss (there were 3 stapled yellow-pad all starting with Num1 - geez, so how do they control the actual number of tickets that they can give for a particular box????) there was a line for those who reserved personally and a different line for those who reserved through the phone. People couldn't find their names on the lists, some people got other people's tickets, even those without reservations at all were able to get tickets!!!!!!!!!! SO FREAKIN' UNFAIR. A mommy was shouting about corruption and palakasan. She even threatened the poor staff that the press/media is going to know about what happened. she complained that kung wala kang kilalang Jesuit or hindi ka nagbigay ng malaking pera or nag-sponsor ng building, hindi ka mabibigyan ng magandang tickets. (TRUE, TRUE...) In her anger, she swore never to watch any of the remaining Ateneo games.

WALANG SISTEMA. HOW HARD COULD IT BE TO MAKE A SYSTEM THAT WILL WORK FOR EVERYBODY'S ADVANTAGE. I'm doubting tuloy if the University Athletics Management can still do its job effectively and efficiently. Ateneo graduate naman si Mr. Capistrano di ba? SO WHY THIS STUPIDITY?

WE WON.

BLUE-BLOODED

I will go Araneta today and watch GAME 1. Win or lose, I will stand by the school that has shaped me. I will believe, not in the few players who choose to be scared, but in those players who, even in the last second, choose to believe in God, in themselves, and in what his teammates can do.

Win or lose, I say to every Lasallite: We will be there every year to topple you down. Whether we succeed in each attempt or not is immaterial. What matters is that WE WILL BE THERE. We will be the constant thorn in your shoes that you cannot and will not ignore. We will hold our heads high. WE WILL BE VICTORIOUS.

what's a comment tag? How do I put links?

do plan on seeing Chiqui in the wake before they leave tomorrow?

Chiquie's dad died yesterday. i went to the wake this evening with Mark, Rap, and Rica. Some of my dormmates were there: Dino, Bobet, Typ2, Denise and BF, JJ, Jonex. It was nice to see them again, but in a very sad occasion. Chiquie looked OK naman.

Celebreties were there too: Mark Nelson (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), patricia javier, jose marie chan.

some politicians and businessmen were there too. pau's cousin, alexin, was there with very short hair.

tapos when we dropped rica at her place we saw ex and lara.

it was a 'dorm' night for me (more likely dawn, we went home around 12mn na).

GAME ONE TOMORROW. I'm trying to believe...

yey! my blogs are back!!!

thanx a million to jaja for her help...

------ Ur bDay mOnTh & U --------

JANUARY
Ambitious and serious
Loves to teach and be taught
Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses
Likes to criticize
Hardworking and productive
Smart, neat and organized
Sensitive and has deep thoughts
Knows how to make others happy
Quiet unless excited or tensed
Rather reserved
Highly attentive
Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds
Romantic but has difficulties expressing love
Loves children
Homely person
Loyal
Needs to improve Social abilities
Easily jealous
Very Stubborn

FEBRUARY
Abstract thoughts
Loves reality and abstract
Intelligent and clever
Changing personality
Temperamental
Quiet, shy and humble
Low self esteem
Honest and loyal
Determined to reach goals
Loves freedom
Rebellious when restricted
Loves aggressiveness
Too sensitive and easily hurt
Showing anger easily
Dislike unnecessary things
Loves making friends but rarely shows it
Daring and stubborn
Ambitious
Realizing dreams and hopes
Sharp
Loves entertainment and leisure
Romantic on the inside not outside
Superstitious and ludicrous
Spendthrift
Learns to show emotions

MARCH
Attractive personality
Affectionate
Shy and reserved Secretive
Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic
Loves peace and serenity
Sensitive to others
Loves to serve others
Not easily angered
Trustworthy
Appreciative and returns kindness
Observant and assesses others
Revengeful
Loves to dream and fantasize
Loves traveling
Loves attention
Hasty decisions in choosing partners
Loves home decors
Musically Talented
Loves special things
Moody


APRIL
Active and dynamic
Decisive and haste but tends to regret
Attractive and affectionate to oneself
Strong mentality
Loves attention
Diplomatic
Consoling
Friendly and solves people's problems
Brave and fearless
Adventurous
Loving and caring
Suave and generous
Emotional
Aggressive
Hasty
Good memory
Moving
Motivate oneself and the others
Sickness usually of the head and chest

MAY
Stubborn and hard-hearted
Strong-willed and highly motivated
Sharp thoughts
Easily angered
Attracts others and loves attention
Deep feelings
Beautiful physically and mentally
Firm Standpoint
Needs no motivation
Easily consoled
Systematic (left brain)
Loves to dream
Strong clairvoyance
Understanding
Sickness usually in the ear and neck
Good imagination
Good physical
Weak breathing
Loves literature and the arts
Loves traveling
Dislike being at home
Restless
Not having many children
Hardworking
High spirited
Spendthrift

JUNE
Thinks far with vision
Easily influenced by kindness
Polite and soft-spoken
Having lots of ideas
Sensitive
Active mind
Hesitating
Tends to delay
Choosy and always wants the best
Temperamental
Funny and humorous
Loves to joke
Good debating skills
Talkative
Daydreamer
Friendly
Knows how to make friends
Abiding
Able to show character
Easily hurt
Prone to getting colds
Loves to dress up
Easily bored
Fussy
Seldom shows emotions
Takes time to recover when hurt
Brand conscious
Executive
Stubborn

JULY
Fun to be with
Secretive
Difficult to fathom and to be understood
Quiet unless excited or tensed
Takes pride in oneself Has reputation
Easily consoled
Honest
Concerned about people's feelings
Tactful
Friendly
Approachable
Emotional
Temperamental and unpredictable
Moody and easily hurt
Witty and sparkly
Not revengeful
Forgiving but never forgets
Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things
Guides others physically and mentally
Sensitive and forms impressions carefully
Caring and loving
Treats others equally
Strong sense of sympathy
Wary and sharp
Judges people through observations
Hardworking
No difficulties in studying
Loves to be alone
Always broods about the past and the old friends
Likes to be quiet
Homely person
Waits for friends
Never looks for friends
Not aggressive unless provoked
Prone to having stomach and dieting problems
Loves to be loved
Easily hurt but takes long to recover

AUGUST
Loves to joke
Attractive
Suave and caring
Brave and fearless
Firm and has leadership qualities
Knows how to console others
Too generous and egoistic
Takes high pride of oneself
Thirsty for praises
Extraordinary spirit
Easily angered
Angry when provoked
Easily jealous
Observant
Careful and cautious
Thinks quickly
Independent thoughts
Loves to lead and to be led
Loves to dream
Talented in the arts, music and defense
Sensitive but not petty
Poor resistance against illnesses
Learns to relax
Hasty and rusty
Romantic
Loving and caring
Loves to make friends

SEPTEMBER
Suave and compromising, Careful, cautious and
organized, Likes to point
out people's mistakes, Likes to criticize, Quiet but
able to talk well,
Calm
and cool, Kind and sympathetic, Concerned and
detailed, Trustworthy,
loyal
and honest, Does work well, Very confident, Sensitive,
Thinking,
Generous,
Good memory, Clever and knowledgeable, Loves to look
for information,
Must
control oneself when criticizing, Able to motivate
oneself,
Understanding,
Fun to be around, Secretive, Loves sports, leisure and
traveling,
Hardly
shows emotions, Tends to bottle up feelings, Choosy
especially in
relationships, Loves wide things, Systematic

OCTOBER
Loves to chat
Loves those who loves him
Loves to takes things at the center
Attractive and suave
Inner and physical beauty
Does not lie or pretend
Sympathetic. Treats friends importantly
Always making friends
Easily hurt but recovers easily
Daydreamer
Opinionated. Does not care of what others think
Emotional
Decisive. Strong clairvoyance
Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Soft-spoken, loving and caring
Romantic. Touchy and easily jealous
Concerned
Loves outdoors
Just and fair
Spendthrift and easily influenced
Easily lose confidence
Loves children

NOVEMBER
Has a lot of ideas
Difficult to fathom
Thinks forward
Unique and brilliant
Extraordinary ideas
Sharp thinking
Fine and strong clairvoyance
Can become good doctors
Dynamic in personality
Secretive
Inquisitive
Knows how to dig secrets
Always thinking
Less talkative but amiable
Brave and generous
Patient
Stubborn and hard-hearted
If there is a will, there is a way
Determined
Never give up
Hardly becomes angry unless provoked
Loves to be alone
Thinks differently from others
Sharp-minded
Motivates oneself
Does not appreciates praises
High-spirited
Well-built and tough
Deep love and emotions
Romantic
Uncertain in relationships
Homely
Hardworking
High abilities
Trustworthy
Honest and keeps secrets
Not able to control emotions
Unpredictable

DECEMBER
Loyal and generous
Patriotic
Active in games and interactions
Impatient and hasty
Ambitious
Influential in organizations
Fun to be with
Loves to socialize
Loves praises
Loves attention
Loves to be loved
Honest and trustworthy
Not pretending
Short tempered
Changing personality
Not egoistic
Take high pride in oneself
Hates restrictions
Loves to joke
Good sense of humor
Logical

WHERE ARE MY POSTSSSSSS??!!?!?!?!?

geez. how do i put in a tagboard????

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. -- Robert Frost

Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them. -- Ann Landers

how cute the new template i'm using. fruity. feeling healthy tuloy ako.

i wonder, what would happen to me in the next 5 years?

hmmm... boring night.

can't believe that I have been working since 6:30 until 10:00pm. whew...

shux. im still wondering when i'll finish my projects for school....

lazy intellect...........................

ESCAPE c/o joannalyn

* Ever been so drunk you blacked out: NAH. I PUKE A LOT BUT EVERYTIME I DO, THINGS BECOME MORE VIVID...
* Missed school B/coz it was raining: ESPECIALLY BECAUSE IT'S RAINING. I MISSED THE FEELING OF BEING IN MY ROOM IN THE DORM AND STARE OUT THE RAINDROPS KISSING THE LEAVES...
* Put a body part on fire for amusement: NOPE. IM NOT LIKE THIS PYROMANIAC-OF-A-SPROUT (TAMA BA SPELLING) I USED TO KNOW WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE
* Been hurt emotionally: OH, YEAH...
* Kept a secret from everyone: UHUMMMM
* Had an imaginary friend: NOPE. IMAGINARY SELF/ALTER EGO(S), YES. LOTSSSSSS.... THAT'S WHY SOMETIMES PEOPLE CATCH ME TALKING TO MYSELF. THEY DON'T KNOW THAT ITS MY OTHER SELVES... (MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER BA????)
* Cried during a Movie: GOSH, LOTS!
* Had a crush on a teacher: YES. MY HISTORY TEACHER IN 4TH YR HIGH SCHOOL. SUPER INFATUATION...
* Ever thought an animated character was hot?: YEAHHH.... GAMBIT! eeeeeee!!!!!
* Had a New Kids on the Block tape: NOPE. NOT MUCH OF AN AUDIO CD COLLECTOR. VCDs AKO
* Been on stage: YUP. I HATED IT.
* Cut your hair: JUST MY BANGS. IT GOT SO SHORT, IT LOOKED LIKE A DEAD RAT HANGING ON MY FOREHEAD...


------------------FavORITES------------------


*Shampoo: PANTENE
* Soap: IVORY OR ANY SHOWER GEL (FAVORITE IS BODY SHOP MINT)
*Color: ANY SHADE OF RED, ORANGE, YELLOW, and NEUTRALS
* Day/Night: SUNRISE AND 4-5PM
* Summer/Winter: UMUULAN PERO NOT TOO MUCH
* Lace or satin: OK LANG BOTH
* Fave cartoon Characters: TIGGER
* Fave Food: JUNK, BALUT, SOUR GREEN APPLES, CHOCOLATES
* Fave Advert:
* Fave Movie: EVER AFTER
* Fave Ice Cream flavor: DOUBLE DUTCH, DURIAN
*Fave Subject: BIOLOGY, GENERAL SCIENCE, SOCIAL STUDIES
* Fave 'normal' Drink: TANG POMELO JUICE
* Fave Persons to talk to online: BUCKY


----------------RIGHT NOW------------------


*Wearing: JEANS & PAMBAHAY TEE
* Hair is: SHORT & TIED WITH A BARETTE
* I'm feeling: TIRED BUT OK
*Eating : JUNK
* Drinking: H20
* Thinking about: THIS BLOG (AND ON THE SIDE: THINGS THAT I SHOULD REALLY BE DOING RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT...)
* Listening to: HUMMING OF AIRCON
* Talking to: MYSELF
*Cried: A LONG TIME AGO
* wearing a skirt: NOPE
* Met someone new: YEP. DIFFERENT PARTICIPANTS FOR WORK EVERY TUE FOR WHOLE OF SEPTEMBER
*Cleaned your room: YEP. WEEKEND
* Done laundry: YES
* Drove a car: DON'T DRIVE


---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN------------------


*Yourself: OF COURSE
* Your friends: THOSE WHO ARE CLOSE TO ME...
*Santa Claus: THE TRUE IDEA THAT HE REPRESENTS, YES.
*Tooth Fairy: NOPE. MY DAD JUST YANKS THEM OUT WITHOUT ANY INCENTIVE EXCEPT ICE CANDY...
* Destiny/Fate: MOST OF THE TIME, NO
* Angels: MAYBE
*Ghosts: YES. BUT I'M GENERALLY NOT SCARED OF THEM. I JUST LET THEM BE IF THEY ARE THERE TALAGA.
*UFO's: TO SOME DEGREE YES ("IF WE'RE THE ONLY ONES IN THIS UNIVERSE, THERE'S AN AWFUL WASTE OF SPACE....")


-----------------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------


* Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: ONE REAL BOYFRIEND (4.5 YRS), TOO MANY I-WISH-HE-WAS-MY-BOYFRIEND, MANY GIRLFRIENDS...
*Like anyone?: A LOT!
* Who's the loudest : I AGREE WITH JAJA: DINO (AND ONE OF THE MOST ANNOYING TOO!)
*Who's the shyest: EX, PSYCHE
* Who's the weirdest:
*Who do you go to for advice: JA, PAU, BUCKY, MOM
* When you cried the most: FOR THE WHOLE MONTHS OF APRIL AND MAY BEFORE I CAME TO MANILA FOR COLLEGE. (BECAUSE MICHARL DIDN'T EVEN TALK TO ME. THE ASSHOLE...)
* What's the best feeling in the world: WHEN ITS RAINING AND GRAY OUTSIDE, TAPOS IM INSIDE THE HOUSE, READING A BOOK OR WRITING IN MY JOURNAL, OR WATCHING A MOVIE
* Worst feeling: HELPLESSNESS

hah! done...

so far my blogs have been, well, about my angst (aptly titled naman...) pero strangeness coz i feel a little lighter these days kahit na super tadtad ako sa trabaho and sa school and sa other activities pa. siguro phase lang talaga un. sometimes you're happy, sometimes you feel down right bummed out with life... right now, im just happy to be alive and to be in such a quiet and i-want-to-meditate-place.

there are jobs in p&g but im thinking of not applying muna. sometimes, we need to let opportunities pass so that we can see the bigger picture. before, i was scared of not being able to experience life to the fullest so i end up doing so many things all at the same time. kaya ako na-burn out. now, i'm thinking that it's time to focus on the important goals that i have set for myself....

napaka-serious naman nitong blog ko...

hmmm.... i wonder if i want people to see my blog.... jaja and mac have tag boards...