Luncbreak

Ranting

I've been skipping between doing work & surfing the net. I can't seem to bring myself to concentrate on work. I am so distracted lately. And bitchy about work. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find the perfect job for me. When I was in AIU, I enjoyed the job: talking to users, documentation, working with developers, testing, etc. But it didn't stop me from complaining about my not-so-satisfactory employment conditions: being contractual, having no benefits, having a smaller salary when in fact I was doing the same load as would a regular employee have, etc. So I started looking for a "better" job in a "better" company. How naive I was. I grabbed the opportunity in SMART. "Smart" move. NOT. All in all, knowing what I know now, I would have stayed in AIU. If I just welcomed management's interest to hire me as a regular, my salary would be humungous (yes, even with my current Smart salary + bonus), plus, lots of chances to go abroad for free. But the downside of working in AIU is the workhours. I've experienced working till 2am, including weekends. It went on for months. I couldn't take it. But then maybe I just needed rest. Oh well, everything I say here is moot & academic. I'm not there, Im here. So might as well live with it.

Live with it.

This has been my mantra for a long time now. Ever since I realized that being in Smart is not a smart choice. I know that I'm not satisfied with my current job. But I will not look for work in another company here in Manila (or so I say...) unless the salary is way up. I have decided to look for work in Singapore. I already started job hunting, albeit just in cyberspace. My jobhunting has been stalled because of my hectic schedule for the past 2 weeks. I shall resume hunting come this weekend. If I cannot find work in the internet, I will go to Singapore for at most a month to search for jobs there. I figured that Gen & some other ex-AIU friends are already there. I will have a place to crash. All I need to do is save money for daily expenses.

"I don't want to have what-ifs in my life."

Why I want to work in Singapore:
- The exchange rate is not bad.
- Plane fare is so cheap!
- Singapore is not too far from the Philippines. I can decide to go home any time.
- I have lotsa friends there.
- Shopping!
- I will be able to save for my future & help my family with the expenses at home.
- Somehow, I want to affirm myself that I have not been a failure in the field that I chose, that I can do it.

Why I don't want to work in Singapore:
- I will leave & terribly miss my close friends here.
- It will be harder to go home & be present for family gatherings.
- I will leave the comfort of familiarity. Moving will be too much of a hassle.
- I will leave Bucky & face the risk of losing him. Leaving Bucky will be the hardest part of all. We haven't been apart for more than a month ever since I lived in Makati. The longest we've been apart is when I went to Hongkong for work. We've grown so much together that it might be hard for both of us to adjust to being apart from each other. I think it will be especially hard for him because he really doesn't want me to go.

So where will all these take me?